have a fabulous holiday

...and a terrific new year celebration! i'm hitting the road. heading towards the love of family. see you all next year.

Love,
Jacqueline










photo. playing card Christmas ornaments that i made in '95.

sing it.

sometimes
and often
from
loss
grows
a whisper
a roar

and
song.



*
get the patch.
*

renovations.

During Laurie's visit she revealed three sweaters to me that she wanted renovated. I had asked her to bring any of her garments that she liked but no longer wore since her surgery. All three pieces were formerly pull-overs that she seldom wore after her single right side mastectomy.

Like me, Laurie finds that simple pull-over garments that accentuate the body's transformed facade are awkward, simply poor designs and uncomplimentary to our single breasted bodies. I often describe my body as architecture. In the designing and engineering of structural forms there is aesthetic purpose in nearly every rise, fall, relief and recess of material. I look at garments in this way and as a "service" to the body. Garments must now serve my form. Not vice-versa. The flat side of my torso where there once was a mound is utilitarian space perfectly suited to embellishment and more especially to function- closures such as buttons, zippers, hooks, etc. My closet is nearly empty because I have removed everything that is not suitable for my architecture. I am in the process of renovating all blouses, sweaters and dresses by moving all of the buttons to the right side where they belong... I'll keep you posted on that project.

Cutting Laurie's garments made me nervous. Very nervous. One is made of silk, one is lambs wool with angora, and the delicious red turtleneck sweter is 2ply cashmere! I've turned almost all of my pull-overs into asymmetrical cardigans. I simply love severing asymmetry and revealing an underneath that no longer exists. This diabolical approach to design challenges and addresses traditional body composition and replaces "expected" form with function. It's like busting the brick out of a boring north-facing wall to install a window- you know, let some of that freaking beautiful sunlight in- sort of speak. The result is visual and conceptual trickery that works. Well, that's what I think anyway. This garment concept is one solution of many towards accommodating our transformed bodies, reinventing the perception of our architecture, sparing our flesh the trauma of further surgery and the humiliating rash often cursed upon us by the prosthesis.

In the very near future I plan on providing some "how-to" instructions for this type of renovation. But in the mean time go and gather those pull-overs or any boring plain front tops that are just taking up space in your closet or drawers and have them ready!!!

Laurie! these pieces will go into the mail on Monday!

wisdom. and fucque.

(sub-title: raven steals the sun.)

We had a weekend visitor and the essence of her coolness is still floating around here... it was such a fabulous visit. Laurie traveled from Canada to meet me and to explore my Rhea Belle clothing and a little bit of New York city. To say I feel honored and charmed that such cool women gather with me is an understatement (Jeanne, another online/blogger friend came to New York in September from Seattle). From the moment Laurie and I met on the sidewalk I was so comfortable with her and I had a feeling that the weekend would bring a creation of long conversations and inspiration. And this feeling proved right.

Laurie came bearing gifts: Canadian mustard with maple syrup, cocoa camino- a bar of the most delicious fair trade dark chocolate imaginable (of which I've eaten three pieces while writing this) and two cds which I have nearly worn out already, Eve Goldberg's A Kinder Season and Joni Mitchell's Shine. When Laurie arrived John wasn't home from work yet so I called him and asked if he'd pick up some good dipping pretzels for the mustard and a bottle of my favorite wine- an Australian Shiraz. When he later pulled the wine from the bag Laurie said it was her favorite! I knew it was going to be a great weekend.

Friday evening, after a visit to the roof to experience a cold clear sky and a glistening view of Manhattan with wine in hand, we looked over the Rhea Belle clothing collection and Laurie unveiled which garments were her fave- we decided that Saturday we'd venture out and procure the necessary materials. Saturday morning we cruised the L train into Union Square for Laurie to experience the Farmers Market and the Holiday Mart and then we were off to gather supplies. With our mission accomplished we hunted down a cup of coffee and a bit of fuel before we went our separate ways: Laurie to brave a few Manhattan sites alone and I back to the loft to begin sewing her selected garments. I absorbed every minute to sit and talk with Laurie and I could've remained in that coffee house, across from her for a long time but we both had some stuff to accomplish. Later in the evening Laurie arrived back at the loft with a pot of home made vegetable soup waiting for her. I did my best to spoil this woman.

Sunday arrived way too fast! It's a real delicious treat to be in the company of a person who is incredibly lovely to be with- no silence being awkward and plenty to talk about. Kindred spirits, indeed. Even my cats, Tina and Freeda, adored her and allowed her to sleep peacefully and gave her some lap time. After a breakfast of freshly baked banana nut bread, coffee and the company of my sister Laurie ventured out to explore a few more bits of the city and I finished up her two garments. That evening Laurie had planned on treating us to dinner so upon her return we took her to a neighborhood place that we tend to take guest and celebrate special occasions. Northeast Kingdom's small simple cozy environment is seductively inviting and the food is comfortingly delicious. Our conversation wove in many directions as it often did- from body politics (of course), far away travels, details of our weddings, to ravens stealing the sun while adorning jewels. I believe a fabulous, warm, memorable time was had by all of us.

Monday we awoke with a plan. Laurie and I wanted to photograph her in the garments that I had created for her to include in my Rhea Belle slideshow. After an unplanned dry-run we eventually captured some beautiful moments of Laurie in front of the lens wearing the perfect cardigan and stitched atop plum goodness. It doesn't get any better than that!!! With a few hours to spare before she needed to head to the airport we found ourselves out in Williamsburg Brooklyn on a crispy chilled day and feasting on some of my favorite pizza! Laurie had mentioned wanting to have a good New York slice while visiting and though it wasn't planned- enjoying this delicacy together topped off what was already a kickass weekend. I just can't believe she's come and gone already.

The conception of Rhea Belle clothing was born out of a necessity to fill a huge social gap and to establish a clear message of defiance. A societal f**kyou one might say. It's not a tough code to crack with a name like Rhea Belle- and that's better than Fucque Clothing, right? The clothing actually has very little to do with fashion- it's "fashionista" (a term I actually dislike being associated with but take no offense when it is attached to me kindly) implications are merely a by-product of a marriage between diabolical aesthetics/design and purpose. But when a woman says that I, my clothing, makes her feel beautiful- then if you want to call it fashion- by all means, call it fashion. Calling it wonderful is cool too.

"I have come home inspired and rejuvenated. You have helped me to go back to feeling good about my body, as it is. You are doing a wonderful thing with Rhea Belle." Laurie

I once confessed... "my life feels thick as pudding
and is as good". this is true, still. in part because of this experience.

the top image is for Laurie.
("Raven Steals the Sun" By Preston Singletary, at the National Museum of the American Indian)

confession #203. stow-away.

Last thursday I asked Sidney (owner of the neighborhood thrift/junk/crap store if he had any buttons. He directed me to a tall set of drawers over flowing with sewing supplies. I searched each drawer and discovered three that were filled with mostly thread and buttons. I also came upon this lovely old pin cushion. I tucked it deep in the back of one of the drawers. I asked Sidney for a ball-park figure for what he'd want for just the thread and buttons. Per his usual style he began to advertise the quantity and quality of the contents and exclaimed that $45 was a good deal for EVERYTHING in all three drawers. I agreed. But lets face it, besides the buttons and thread everything else in these three drawers was far from trash to treasure. Yards of knotted dirty yarn, seam tape, and wads of unidentifiable ick are things I can't use. And I didn't have $45. What I did know was that I wanted the thread and buttons and I would return to select just the things I wanted. The next day I went back to the store with time to hunt and some newly earned cash. I asked Sidney for a box and hunting, searching and sneezing I went. I pulled every spool of thread and button from the cabinet. When all was said and done I returned to the drawer I had stashed the heart pin cushion. I tucked it deep inside the pile of threads in the box . Sidney knows a coolass thing when he sees it. I presented the box to him and asked what he wanted for the contents. $35. I never barter with him. It's a strategy I have. I think he's fair and if I had a history of bickering with him he'd always start high. That' my theory anyway. Plus, like I said, I think he's fair. He didn't rumage through the box to discover every find so the heart remained a stow-away. It's hanging on my wall next to impressions.

life. and numbers.

it is neither
short
like a haiku

nor
long
like forever

this is neither
unfortunate
nor
regrettable

but
1 year
365 days
12 months
4 weeks
7 days
24 hours
1440 minutes
86400 seconds

is either
refreshing

or
a real bitch.

(my faves)

what it's not. and the gratitude of my flesh.

it's not
a victim
of your shame
or mine

it's not
a symbol
of your fear
or mine

it's not
a reflection
of your arrogance
or mine

it's not
an armor
for your struggles
or mine

it's not
a billboard
for your truths
or mine.

it's not fabric to be stitched
clay to be formed
marble to be carved
a book to be read
a song to be sung
a cheer to be shouted
a code to be broken
a mystery to be solved
a key for a lock
or a
puzzle
piece
without
a
space!

it is simply flesh.

MY flesh.

and it is grateful.

for the things
it
is
not.

for **starburst**.

I met an awesome woman when I went to flickr to set up my politcal, social and emotional protest against breast cancer. Her flickr name was **starburst**. She was among the first few to join the "beyond the pink" group and she opened a discussion with "is it all about breast cancer?" . She explained "BTW, my DX is adenocarcinoma, stage IV. I am at war!". During our discussion I googled "adenocarcinoma" as I wasn't familiar with this type of cancer. I got a very brief education but enough to learn that it's a toughass cancer- but nothing compared to the the kickass woman I was just getting to know. I began to follow her story on flickr and discovered that she created two other cancer support groups. I joined both flick cancer and too sexy for my hair. These groups are by far the most compassionate and supportive groups on flickr with great thanks to **starburst**. She was an amazingly genuine and sincere woman who wrote with raw tender honesty. Even during the most complex hours of her treatments she reached out to and for others.

**starbusrt** is Lori . She died Saturday morning October 27th and the world is less charmed because of her absence. I so badly wanted to use "is" instead of "was" while describing her but I know that I must deal with the here and now. When I ascended the stairs to the roof this evening I was hoping to see an amazing sky to photograph to place with these words. After all, the sky is where stars live. The view from the roof could not have been more vibrant, dramatic and almost surreal. This sky had a life and power all of its own that seemed to be LIVING while everything on the earth became still. It was one of those skies that I describe "if I were to paint it exactly as it is- the image would hardly be believable".

Lori also blogged at "too sexy for my hair". While we only corresponded a few times I checked in on her blog weekly- to make sure she was doing ok and often simply to see her words and be kissed by her strength, graceful vulnerability, joy and sometimes fear. Her blog exposed a life in its deepest, richest colors.

I know cancer seems so far away to some of you. But her words, her beautifully clear words unveil such generosity in their detail and hope. You deserve to go to them and be touched by them. There is so much life there.

Peace, Lori, in the sky and forever.

In Memory.

oh! just go find it!

If you'd like to support the Do It Yourself movement, as I do, and support crafters, designers and inventors alike then this is the place for you. Besides making things myself I often discover some creatively perfect garments and accessories to show off, embrace, honor and reinvent the terrane of my post mastectomy, non-reconstructed, no-prosthesis body. So, I'll be listing great finds and post them here at "oh! just go find it". Over at "etsy" where I sell my Rebel1in8 jewelry and a lil' bit of Rhea Belle clothing there is amazing creativity and invention happening. I have found that most sellers respond enthusiastically to custom work if something they make needs a little altering to make it the perfect purchase for you. A little communication goes a long long way...

For starters see what's available at the Rebel1in8 store.

I discovered asymmetrically printed t's that I think are perfect for a torso that cries for a reinvented center at stevester's store, avalove's store, circular accessories and LookForFiddleHeads.

There's some fabulously comfortable asymmetrical and familiar body embracing designs at treehouse28's store. She also creates a fabulous hat and headband too!

Recently upon discovering her "neckwarmers" I contacted JewelLace about a custom order. I asked her if she'd be interested in making one that trailed down the right side a bit longer to flow through my flat landscape. She loved the challenge and the purpose of the request and allowed me to choose the colors. Within two days she sent me a photo of one of the completed gardens. I've ordered two of them and when I receive them I'll post photos!!! I plan to wear them with plain fitted tops to keep the landscaping simple.

If you're still just getting to know your newly transformed body an accessory called a "capelet" might interest you. kyassib's store has some mighty fine examples in her store along with other beautiful wraps. They are usually shorter than a "poncho" and are similar to a wide draped-over-the-shoulder cowl neck. They can be placed over any garment including spring/summer tops depending on the material they're made of. They are nice to wear shortly after surgery as they usually have a button and are easy to put on without lifting your arms over your head.

Speaking of your head, does yours need some TLC warmin' this winter? The cosy knits (literally) store has some of the best knitting fixin's on etsy. Beautiful hats and mittens in just about every flavor can be found waiting for the perfect home.

Looking for a fabulously knitted scarf for the winter and you also LOVE putting your money towards an incredibly important cause? Here's the dilly for you!!! Warm cozy scarves are being knitted and sold to support BREAST CANCER ACTION! BCA is the absolute best breast cancer advocacy organization out there. Despite the fact that I'm not too keen on the store's name I'm super keen on their cause- so its' all good... go check out KnittingForKnockers' store.

be a rebel bird. spread seeds.

If you'd rather not lick a million yogurt lids and stuff them in an envelope to return to their manufacturer, buy over priced postal stamps, walk 5k, wear a pink ribbon on your lapel or dangle one from your key chain, wear a "tata" or "save my boobs" shirt, buy pink detergent, soup cans or m&m's, or prance around with breast cancer BARBIE and you would like to do something during this month of "breast cancer awareness"...
then go to Kimberley Klein's blog "The Merits of the Case" and make a difference in the life of a woman diagnosed with breast cancer. Your vote will take only a few seconds and relieve the financial burden of her diagnoses by investing in her future.

It is as simple as a click.

m.i.y.o.d.s.

Why settle for only what's offered at the overpriced department stores and boutiques? If finding the right garment is difficult and you'd rather "make it your own damn self" from scratch or by renovating an existing garment then here's the list for you! I'm posting ideas and references to designs that not only embrace the terrane of the post mastectomy, non-reconstructed, no-prosthesis body but these designs thoughtfully celebrate and honor it. I'll post photos of handmade garments and basic "how to" instructions so check back in often if you're interested in the Do It Yourself approach to your wardrobe solutions. We'll start with the obvious... Rhea Belle designs at Rebel1in8.
"The design and marketing of items of wear for one-breasted women is only a question of time, and we who are now designing and wearing our own asymmetrical patterns and New Landscape jewelry are certainly in the vanguard of a new fashion!"
Audre Lorde, "The Cancer Journals", 1980

Rhea Belle designs.

The DIYNOTDIE star reconstructs a sweater.

"Cut up yer shirts!!! sez Pocketina."

Take charge! Go knit somehthing!

Two Dutch warriors rock out a post mastectomy clothing line in the late 90's!!!

ideas.

On the adventure to replenish your wardrobe with garments that embrace your bi-lateral or single post mastectomy, non-reconstructed, no-prosthesis body there are some simple, practical clothing tricks to look out for. I think the following inspirations are just a sampling of design techniques and elements that can either embrace and honor your body or soften the new terrane. Like Rhea Belle garments these designs create visual balance, re-create symmetry and invite women to simply embrace their natural architecture through design. There are many sides to comfort and every day is different as a woman's transformed body gracefully invites buttons, zippers or gathered falling fabrics. Key words to search online department store or designer clothing for various garments are "asymmetry/asymmetrical, ruffles, cowl, drape/draped, pleats/pleated"... I'll add to this array whenever I find a delightful design that may nudge towards inspiration. Get inspired. Explore. Re-invent. Re-define.

a cashmere cowl.
cashmere cowl/capelet.
comfy drapey shawl.
comfy grey wrap.
sweet drapey shirt.
sweet drapey dress.
sleeveless drapey cowl halter.
dandy sweater with lapels.
flowing cardigan.
flowing fabric blouse.
kickin' fabric ways.
orange pleated goodness
embrace that asymmetry!
ruffle it.
simply just cool!
ruffle it even more!!!
bow it.
cowl dress it.

spreadin' the rebel love.

*
I discovered more great press for Rebel1in8 at ReadyMade Magazine!!!

*

HAPPY RHEA!

The program in which I was included is now online!

See "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies", WABC TV, Channel 7, NY (American Cancer Society).

And don't forget the CALL TO ARMS!!!.

ricochet number two.

*

*

*

"chicken..."

*

*

*

more icing!

I received the following email today!!!

*
FYI,
There’s been considerable interest in the Breast Cancer Special just aired and so wanted to let you know that we are re-running it in several ways.

On WABC TV and WABC TVHD we will re-run it this Sunday 10/14 at 5:30am EST.

We also will soon be streaming it on our website HERE.

We will also re-run it on our digital channel.
The call letters are DABC but the cable channels call it WABC Plus.

On Cablevision it is channel 107 and on Time Warner it is channel 164.

If people have satellites, they should contact their carrier for the channel number.

Re-run times are on the following days & times:

Fridays: 3:30am-4am

Saturdays: 6pm-6:30pm & 3:30am-4am

Sundays: 6pm-6:30pm & 3:30am-4am

This schedule begins October 19th and will continue for approx. 2 months.

Thanks so much for your interest.

Best regards,
Jeelu Billimoria
Senior Producer
WABC TV
*

How cool is that!?

more about stars.

After participating in this conversation a few days ago and then this comment thread last night and then found "The Warrior" today... I really need these to cleanse my raging palette.

hope's the dope...

Pink Ribbons, Inc
by Samantha King

Breast Cancer: Society Shapes an Epidemic
by Anne S. Kasper

A Darker Ribbon: A Twentieth-Century Story of Breast Cancer, Women, and Their Doctors
by Ellen Leopold

Sarah Lochlann Jain
Unravel the Pink Ribbon

awareness.

ricochet.
.
.
.
.
.
.
the polaroid diptych:
"A summer with 65 GY, 2000"

icing on the cake.

I am involved in a television program about breast cancer. I was interviewed about my Rebel1in8 website and my Rhea Belle clothing designs. A lot has happened this year with my project and I think the opportunity to participate in this awesome program is a sign that my heart is in the right place- as it is my guide these days.

Produced by Emmy Awards winner Jeelu Billimoria "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies" airs this Sat. 10/6 at 7:30pm on WABC TV. If you are not in the NY/Tri-State area the program can be seen via satellite TV (ABC East).

Press release:
*
WABCOctober 4, 2007
WABC-TV TO AIR SPECIAL“BREAST CANCER: NEW THINKING AND NEW THERAPIES”
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6 AT 7:30PM

WABC-TV will mark Breast Cancer Awareness Month with a special entitled “Breast Cancer: New Thinking and New Therapies” beginning at 7:30 p.m., ET on Saturday, October 6. The half-hour special, anchored by Eyewitness News Anchor Diana Williams and Reporter Stacey Sager, will examine the progress being made in breast cancer diagnosis and treatments. From new guidelines on the use of MRI’s to advances in surgery and issues surrounding affordable healthcare, WABC will take a look at the most recent advancements and will highlight the latest thinking on breast cancer.

WABC speaks to medical experts and researchers from New York’s top cancer treatment centers including: Memorial Sloan-Kettering, St. Luke’s - Roosevelt Comprehensive Breast Center, Beth Israel Medical Center Comprehensive Breast Service, Murray Hill Radiology and American Cancer Society. WABC also speaks to survivors of breast cancer and features Kris Carr, author and film-maker of “Crazy Sexy Cancer;” Marisa Acocella Machetto, author of “Cancer Vixen;” and Jacqueline Lou Skaggs, founder, “Rebel 1 in 8” and many others.

This annual special is part of WABC-TV’s continuing commitment to the Making Strides against Breast Cancer Campaign of the American Cancer Society. This marks WABC's 13th year as media sponsors of the Making Strides walk; viewers can learn more about the October 21st event here.

Tune in to “Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies" on Saturday, October 6 at 7:30 p.m. ET.

Jeelu Billimoria is the Senior Producer of “Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies.”

*

cake and photo created by gcs.

a brush with action.

My friend and artist illustrator activist extroardinaire Nicole Schulman recently participated in the conception and birth of a powerful mural at an intersection in Brooklyn, NY. The mural honors and memorializes fifth-graders Victor Flores and Juan Estrada and 4-year-old James Rice, three young boys who were killed at the busy intersection. It's an incredible and moving tribute and visual message.

Nicole is also the illustrator of "It's only a matter of time" and sells cool jewelry and art at etsy. On top of all that her myspace site is awesome and definitely worth a long visit.

photo:
Celebrate people's history poster, by Nicole.
and
detail of a bodice front.

amazon seamstress.

My friend and crafty rebel spinning knitter gardner apple tree havin' extraordinaire Tina has written a glowing article for etsy's STORQUE about Rebel1in8 and Rhea Belle clothing. I was honored to be a part of such a well written and supportive piece. Because of it I have sold every last Rebel cap necklace in my etsy store so a new batch is in the works!!! Stay tuned because a lot of new jewelry and clothing is coming!

"amazon seamstress". I love that. love. love. love.

photo by gcs.

a break. and stitches.

My favorite poem. And the only poem I can recite...
The Red Wheelbarrow.

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.


by William Carlos Williams, Spring and All, 1923
photo, art: a gift from Tina, paper with pressed buttons and stitches. see detail.

a wooden sky and stars.

"There is no difference between thinking and relative living. Thinking leads to pride, identification, confusion and fear. Work is a function in which we seem to be identified. But in reality work is a part of the process of life in which we cannot perceive the beginning or end of our function. We have no understanding of the process of life, in whole, or in part, and we never will. We cannot therefore identify ourselves with our work. Since the process of life reaches to the furthest star the work of each of us is of no significance in the process. In the great process, in the sum total of the outward being of all living things our work is insignificant, infinitesimal and insignificant. This must be realized."

Artist Agnes Martin, "Writings", page 90

photo: Jeanne at Coney Island, September 2007.

beauty in the dark.

sometimes anger shines like a star in the sky. it's beauty often only seen in the dark.

... If people don't get how offensive and oppressive all of the pink stuff is and how transparent the merchandizing is than I simply don't know what to say to you. But Amy brings up the core issue with the pink products and the marketing. As usual our society has found a way to make money off of breasts. It is as simple as that. And then it's pushed further with a COLOR that is intrinsically attached to the ideals of FEMININE- pink is for girly girls. When a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, or worse, has to have a mastectomy her entire social and political ideologies that surround her body collide with her mortality. That's what makes this disease different AND popular. The issue with this pink stuff transcends all of the capitalistic-money-making-monsters and invades my dignity as a woman who has survived this f****** disease TWICE!!! Am I angry? YES. You bet I am. Am I angry that I had cancer? NO. I AM ANGRY FOR THE IGNORANCE THAT SPREADS THROUGHOUT MAINSTREAM AMERICA AND CONTINUES TO SABOTAGE MY INTEGRITY AS AN EQUAL PARTICIPANT IN THE WORLD WHO DESERVES NOT TO HAVE HER BODY, SEXUALITY AND FEMININITY EXPLOITED. Save the boobs, "save the tatas" and pink BREAST awareness are messages that are woven into the forces that drive women into reluctant post mastectomy reconstruction and to wear uncomfortable ugly prosthesis because it's all about the breast, it's all about our femininity isn't it? It's a fear driven campaign.  And if you don't get how manipulated you are by this clever pink seductive "let's pull on their heart strings and offend their sexuality by making it ALL about breast while we're at it" campaign simply to makemoney than you are simply not observing the world with clarity. PINK sells stuff- BREASTS sell stuff and that's the bottom line.
The campaign simply has to change and any strong minded AWARE woman knows this.

that is a response to this.

Note: "When a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, or worse, has to have a mastectomy..." By "worse" I am not referring to a mastectomy as an unfortunate mutilating surgery or that the mastectomy is worse than the cancer itself. Mastectomies SAVE LIVES! and after having a lumpectomy followed by radiation treatments at the time of my first diagnoses I can say without regret but with deep hindsight honesty that if I could live it over I would do it differently. After a second diagnoses/re-occurrence several years later (resulting in a mastectomy) I believe a mastectomy the first time around makes better medical and health sense. When I said "worse" I was referring/playing into to the physical, visual symbol of breast cancer "fear" AS IF the mastectomy is the worst part of it.
and
"...because it's all about the breast, it's all about our femininity isn't it?"- please insert a grand tone of distaste here.

the brown shirt.

I wore this brown top during the filming of an interview. The photos in that link are by my sister who while visiting (came next door to steal a cup of jo) and always with a camera in hand "documented" my browsing through some fancy fashion mags that were found in a box on a Chelsea sidewalk in Manhattan. I occasionally peruse these mags for inspiration- in search of sentiments or not yet born parodies to exploit in my clothing photographs. I think her announcement of the television program is beautiful and I found it to be sweet that she posted it and then sent out a mass email about it from her Alcove gallery list. Participating in the filming and interview was an incredibly wonderful and challenging experience. Did I mention it was also embarrassingly stressful and that after it was all over and even though it went beautifully and I appeared very calm and composed I got a terrible headache and became nauseated as soon as the crew left. I'll write more about it soon- the good parts and other experiences in this shirt. In the mean time I'll leave you with a tale as told to me by my thirteen year old nephew. I think the brown shirt was fitting for the interview...

once upon a time there was a captain on a large ship.
just as he stepped upon the deck one afternoon a member of his crew positioned in the crow’s nest yells “captain!!! there’s an enemy ship coming towards us!!!!”
the captain responds to the nearest deck-hand “go get me my red shirt!!!”
well, a battle ensues and not one man from this ship is killed.
after the battle the guy in the crow’s nest asks the captain “why did you retrieve your red shirt before the attack?”
the captain replies “in case i was stabbed or shot my men couldn’t see that i was injured and they would continue to fight without fear or discouragement”.
several weeks go by and one day the guy in the crow’s nest yells “captain!!!
twenty enemy ships are in the distance!!!”
the captain turns to anyone in ear-shot and yells “go get me my brown pants!!!”

so. sew. sow.

During our 17th anniversary celebration dinner out last night the following conversation occurred. John and I had spent most of the afternoon with a cerulean filled sky overhead as we shot photos on our roof for an up coming "advertisement" for Rhea Belle clothing. His job was simple- well, so I thought. I listed just three things for him to keep track of while he operated the camera: make sure my stomach doesn't pooch out (I have bad posture but I'm workin' on that), keep an eye out for double chins and PLEASE make sure my Rebel necklace doesn't flip over. Well, two out of three isn't so bad (the rebel pendant flipped but photoshop fixed that)... I guess. I made the t-shirt Saturday afternoon. I had been thinking about it for a while and decided that it would soon be a classic in my collection. "Collection". What does that even mean? See, my plan is to infiltrate (pretend like I know what I'm doing and make it look right) the fashion bubble and subtly shatter the illusions of what a "survivor" looks like. Ultimately and logically she looks just like everyone else because the clothes she is wearing are made just for her. When I put the "classic Rebel1in8 T" on- damn did I feel empowered! Does a prosthesis EVER do that? So, the conversation I mentioned went something like this: (while waiting for pork chops, home-made style mashed potatoes, asparagus, brandini fish over rice, clams and two vodka gimlets- the now drink-of-choice introduced to me by Jeanne during her visit here)...

John: (from across the candle lit table and with a smile) Um, I can see right down your shirt.

me: Which side? Breast side? Flat side?

John: (shrugging, knowing my response ahead of time) Flat side.

me: (smiling real big) Yeah, SO!

Introducing the Classic Rebel1in8 T-shirt.

friends and truths.

On the road and under sky. John and I took a road trip from New York to Indiana a couple of weeks ago. We needed to leave the lovely stanky ways of the city for a while and even more importantly we just had to get home to see family. While on the road we decided to visit a couple of friends that I met online, Kim and Tina. It was my second visit with Kim and our visit was not nearly long enough. We stopped by her place long enough to catch up a little, meet her husband and darling dog Boo and take a short breather from the road but it was well worth the minor detour. I have corresponded often with Tina but had never met her in person and after several cell phone conversations we decided to meet near her home at a food joint just off the road we were traveling. We spent nearly two hours embracing this amazing woman's energy and giddily departed with a bag generously stuffed with vegetables from her garden. I am convinced that these relationships will be life-long exchanges.

I have met many other women over the past year through Rebel1in8 and hope to meet more in the near future. I'd still love to meet women I correspond with who live in Chicago, California, Ottawa Canada, Vancouver BC, and the UK. Also among the incredible women I have personally met are Jeanne, Shelly and Jeelu. Upon my return home from our road trip I prepared for a visit from Jeanne and her friend, Pat. Jeanne came to New York from Seattle this past weekend to try on clothes from my Rhea Belle clothing line and do a little sight-seeing. I made several custom garments for her while she was here and have a couple more to ship when they're ready. Jeanne's visit was intensely wonderful and I'm planning a visit to Seattle possibly as soon as October for business ops that Jeanne is helping set up! She's also preparing a press release for me for an up'n coming Rhea Belle "fashion show". I'll keep you posted on all of that. A few months ago Shelly contacted me after discovering my website and deciding that we had many similar views surrounding the politics and social quirks that infiltrate a breast cancer diagnoses. We met for coffe to discuss topics that will be included in her next book. I recently met Jeelu when she contacted me to participate in a television program about breast cancer. She brought a film crew to our loft in early August to interview me regarding the Rebel1in8 website and Rhea Belle clothing. I'll blog about that amazing, nerve racking three hour experience very very soon, too. The program will air in early October. So much is happening.

As you can see, the creation of Rebel1in8 has guided so many incredible people and opportunities my way. But there is something I want to make clear:
While the topic of cancer has been a conduit for these meetings "cancer" certainly gets absolutely NO credit for them. You see, I do not participate in the misconception that cancer is a gift of ANY kind. It is simply and sharply a physiological, cellular event. I am not and will not ever be grateful for the two diagnoses of cancer that I have received. Cancer has not changed me, enlightened me or enriched my life in any way, shape or form. It was not a gift from any God, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Hallmark, secret admirer or lover. All the graceless, graceful, fearless, fearful, tactless, tactful, persistant, informed, angry and humorous ways in which I have handled my cancer diagnoses were born from characteristics that I have resourcefully accumulated through my years of living and through genetics. The reality is I'd rather not know any of these fantastic women because it is through the common thread of having had cancer that we have met. If it meant not having cancer and not knowing these women... even before my diagnoses I chose fabulous, thoughtful people to be in my life so I'd be ok without these new post cancer friends. But I do know them and I have ONLY them and myself to thank for that. I love them all and they know who they are- thank you for being in my life.

So, just to get that straight.

"Rebel Fashion"

This photo was taken in Brooklyn during Jeanne's visit when she came to New York to experience Rhea Belle clothing (and a lil' bit of the big city of course). Jeanne is a friend that I met online through a network of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and are navigating their way through it with attitude and integrity. I have fabulous memories of her and her friend Pat who joined her for the New York adventure. While Pat often awoke at the crack of dawn to venture out and explore the wild city Jeanne and I spent a lot of of time drinking some kickass Seattle coffee that she brought with her and talking talking and doing more talking while I made a few custom Rhea Belle garments for her. Our evenings were spent on the roof with the sunset, a glass of wine, laughter that bordered on giggling and the planning of my inevitable visit to Seattle. On their last day Jeanne and Pat took John and I out to dinner to a little restaurant in our neighborhood where Jeanne introduced me to the Gimlet- a vodka, lime and sugar beverage. Well, long story short this is now my drink of choice when I'm in the mood for a real treat. And the best part of this beverage is I think of Jeanne every single time I have it- and mainly I think of her fabulously edgy humor and her giggle- yes Jeanne, you do giggle.

While this was the first time we met Jeanne, Pat and I felt incredibly comfortable around each other and it seems as if we've all been friends for quite some time. I simply can not wait to get to Seattle- of course I'll write about that when it happens!!!

"I don't feel embarrassed to go out in public, and, amazingly, no one seems to notice that I don't have a right breast. If people DO stare, I assume they are looking at the great clothes Jacqueline has made for me. Or they are admiring my smile and my sunny attitude!" Jeanne

In the photographs Jeanne is wearing the comfy summer cowl.

stirred, sipped sweetness.

(almost two years later.)

on a sunday
evening in late july
i departed
and entered
a warm blue breeze
nurtured
by thoughts of
waiting jewels
rebel stitches
hanging, glazed rhinestones
with a carbon sky
next to white chickens
and that long list of everything
in the distance
on the horizon
growing
with asymmetry
real f**king tall
and blooming.



again, for gcs
(same restaurant, same drinks, same meal, different tablecloth)

cause.

I've spent some time on ETSY this morning. No, not shopping. Um, doing research. I was just curious how many sellers were creating and selling items in "support" of breast cancer awareness, research and/or "cure"- and how much of the merchandise was pink and/or exploiting women. 27 pages of STUFF, 403 items! And just when I didn't think it could get any worse than this I discovered this. I'm not sure which one is more blatantly irresponsible, offensive and oppressive.

Most of the products simply claimed to inspire breast cancer awareness by using the color pink with or without ribbons or with or without beaded, pom-pom cutesy breasts forms. Piled within the barettes, keychains, necklaces, bracelettes, cell phone covers, wallets, checkbook covers, stationary, tags, bibs, burp cloths, and quilts (just to name a few of the items) I even found a two-tone pink "awareness" crocheted toilet paper cover. So many seller's claim that they will donate anywhere between 10% to 50% to the mysterious pirate ship "breast cancer research". Amongst the sellers proposing to share some mysterious amount of their profits to some mysterious charity I found a seller that claimed that 10% (the magic 2-digit percentage) of their proceeds would go towards the "fight against breast cancer". Whhhhat? Shouldn't we be informed of WHICH fight (i.e. foundation, organization, etc.) they are referring to.
In any case:
10% of $10.00 is $1
10% of $20.00 is $2
10% of $30.00 is $3
etc, etc, etc. You see where I'm going with this, right? Spend $250 at this seller's store and the charity of his choice might eventually get somewhere. Meanwhile the seller is $225 richer. Would a person ever send a $1, $2, or even a $3 check to any charity? Why does it take buying STUFF to help out. So my newest project is to send the following thoughtful, inquiring letter to each seller on ETSY claiming to share a wittle bit of their profits to a breast cancer "cause":
*
Hello there,
I hope this note finds you well and in good spirits. Would you be so kind as to inform me of which charity and the EXACT amount of dollars or percentage of sale goes to the charity? "Cause Marketing" is a disease growing by epidemic proportions in this country- especially in regards to breast cancer. Each time I see something claiming to share profits with a charity I practice my consumer right to inform myself of this information before I make a purchase.

Kindest regards,
Jacqueline
*
So far I've covered three pages of the 27... Lets hope I don't get kicked off of ETSY anytime soon- I sell stuff there too.

--->Update: Below are some responses received so far from sellers that received the above letter;
*
seller's claim: "Part of the sale goes for brest cancer charity." item cost $128
"Hi, I would really be glad to answer this question? I would feel the same way too. Tonight I am attending this dinner in SAN FRANCISCO- Celebrating cotour for the cure. By Susan g Komen for the cure. As Pay pal does not allow me to do anything on line I will collectively make a CQ to this organisation. I can definately post you a copy of the CQ. 5% of the total sales will be for the Breast cancer. Hope you are satisfied with my answer. Please feel free to email me anytime."
*
seller's claim: "Proceeds will be donated to the Breast Cancer Society of Canada." item cost $3
"Actually I just take the whole thing (minus shipping) and donate it :) I use my own credit card to make the donation online along with my own donation. You can view more info on bcsc.ca - Actually, if you prefer, I can change the price to $.20 and you can donate the money yourself to breast cancer if that makes you feel more comfortable. I have never done any 'direct' monetary donation, I usually just make the crafts and donate the supplies and labour and whatever money is made is donated by the event coordinator himself/herself."
*
seller's claim: "...will donate 10% of all sales of this collection towards the fight against Breast Cancer." item cost $40
"Thank you so much for your message and interest in my jewelry! I think that is wonderful that you practice your rights to be informed on items you purchase! I am passionate about donating 10% of all sales for Breast Cancer to the Jonsson Cancer Center for Research at UCLA... Charities are very important to me in general! I also contribute or participate in charity events of the following charities irregardless of jewelry sales:" (15 various charities were listed)... "It is my hope and intent that each customer who purchases from my awareness line will not only have a beautiful and unique gift to enjoy, but also know that they have helped (via 10% donated through their purchase) in finding a solution or an end to the many causes, issues and diseases that our society is faced with today. I have heard of so many wonderful stories of great outcomes for women who were able to get into research studies with Jonsson Cancer Center due to the support of their cause and charities!! Wishing you a wonderful weekend and If you would like to make a purchase and have the profit designated somewhere else or in honor or memory of someone specific I can absolutely do that!"
*
seller's claim: "...benefits breast cancer research at Baylor Health Center." item cost $5.50
"I understand your concern. Great question! The contribution has already been made from the proceeds when I made on the purchase of the fabric at full price. It works like fabric printed that benefits St. Jude. I have other items made from the 3 fabrics I chose from the collection."
*
I intend to donate the tithing portion of the sale of the phone charm to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. If you were interested in purchasing the phone charm and have another Breast Cancer Awareness Charity in mind, feel free to give me the link and that portion can go there. I have no problem allocating the tithing portion to a charity of your choice.
*

keep on keepin' on.

Remember when just seven months ago I launched Rebel1in8 and Rhea Belle out into the world.

So here's what seven months of hard work and many "what in the world am I doing with this project- and what does it mean" moments have accomplished so far... Read "What people are saying..."

When something gets into your heart, your soul, and cuddles restlessly in your brain- there's just no escaping. I've tried. During times when I've wanted to abandon Rebel1in8 I have invented moments of clarity- observations of an irrational position that my vision is not do-able. It so often seemed hopeless in the scheme of time and the current state of the cause. Seldom, as if turning my back to this project, a feeling of relief would come. And go. I would be left with a feeling similar to witnessing a drowning and, while capable, doing absolutely nothing to assist in a rescue. But then, without fail, I'd get a comment or letter that informed me- emotionally, psychologically and intellectually. Through each correspondence I am made aware that this is not MY vision alone. I am merely a conduit for change. Necessary, inevitable, do-able change.

...keep on keepin' on.
(above photo: "Rhea, out in the world, gettin' coffee")

on mending. another poem.

For What Binds Us

There are names for what binds us:
strong forces, weak forces.
Look around, you can see them:
the skin that forms in a half-empty cup,
nails rusting into the places they join,
joints dovetailed on their own weight.
The way things stay so solidly
wherever they’ve been set down –
and gravity, scientists say, is weak.

And see how the flesh grows back
across a wound, with a great vehemence,
more strong
than the simple, untested surface before.
There’s a name for it on horses,
when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

as all flesh
is proud of its wounds, wears them
as honors given out after battle,
small triumphs pinned to the chest –

And when two people have loved each other
see how it is like a
scar between their bodies,
stronger, darker, and proud;
how the black cord makes of them a single fabric
that nothing can tear or mend.


by Jane Hirshfield
(posted for V and M, both mending.)

#11

The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind happiness
not always being
so very much fun
if you don't mind a touch of hell
now and then
just when everything is fine
because even in heaven
they don't sing
all the time

The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind some people dying
all the time
or maybe only starving
some of the time
which isn't half so bad
if it isn't you

Oh the world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't much mind
a few dead minds
in the higher places
or a bomb or two
now and then
in your upturned faces
or such other improprieties
as our Name Brand society
is prey to
with its men of distinction
and its men of extinction
and its priests
and other patrolmen
and its various segregations
and congressional investigations
and other constipations
that our fool flesh
is heir to

Yes the world is the best place of all
for a lot of such things as
making the fun scene
and making the love scene
and making the sad scene
and singing low songs and having inspirations
and walking around
looking at everything
and smelling flowers
and goosing statues
and even thinking
and kissing people and
making babies and wearing pants
and waving hats and
dancing
and going swimming in rivers
on picnics
in the middle of the summer
and just generally
'living it up'

Yes
but then right in the middle of it
comes the smiling
mortician


(poem by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, from PICTURES OF THE GONE WORLD, 1955, as published in CONEY ISLAND OF THE MIND)

disco discourse.

a friend once commented "peripherals are what make this system great... and referrals make the world go round."

and it's true...

serendipity. and barbie.

several weeks ago, well, way back in june when i really should have posted this, i met Shelley Lewis author of Naked Republicans. Shelly had come across my website and discovered that we shared similar views regarding the breast cancer pink-cult-like arena. she's writing a book about her own experience with breast cancer (and other important topics and points of view but i don't think i should give away any details here) and asked if i'd like to meet to talk about my experience and views surrounding the social side effects, cliches and stigma related to breast cancer. luckily we both live in new york so this was an exciting and managable endeavor. this particular week proved to be very "journalism" guided because just a few days later i was also interviewed by a dallas texas reporter regarding cancer blogs. anyway, Shelly and i agreed to meet at a swanky, hip hotel lounge at union square. well happy hour was at it's peak when we arrived and loud and crowded didn't seem lke the best combination for two women who had just met and had some good talking to do. so we sauntered over to a nearby starbucks just a half-a-block away. yes, starbucks. while i do rarely patron this house of coffee, in general, i don't voluntarily sit inside and well, hangout and be SEEN in the joint. i won't go into all of the reasons why i'd like to be wearing a big hat and sunglasses while in starbucks but one main reason is due to my dear friend Nicole. she's the author/illustrator of "it's only a matter of time" -a work that we kind of collaborated on together. Nicole is an ACTIVE, hearty supporter of the starbucks union and every time i venture inside of one of them for a strong burnt tastin' brew i can't help but feel like a scab. however, it was a convenient and a reasonable environment for a conversation. so there i was.

Shelly and i clicked. our conversation flowed for more than two hours and during that time we discovered that we had a lot in common and shared many views. while sharing our personal experience with breast cancer we discovered that we had both refused the traditional tattoo process prior to our radiation treatments. truly a bonding moment. this is not a popular act within the treatment world but it can be accomplished with persistence. and we both did this for the same reason: to preserve some sense of control over what was happening to our bodies- to claim ownership of them to any degree possible, whenever possible.

so there we are havin' a time when i begin to hear what sounded like a base drum and a rise in activity outside of the starbucks doors. i looked outside of the very large window that we were pratically sitting in front of and didn't think much of the crowd that had gathered just beyond the glass. i concluded that it was a group of tourist that had gathered to prepare to enter the establishment for a coffee break. but, boy was i wrong. Shelly and i had just returned to our conversation after a brief distraction to figure out what was going on when the shouting began. i turned again to witness the evolution of the uprise when i realize the reality of the forces on the sidewalk. the gatherers, now holding signs of revolt and chanting inaudibly had began marching in a circle. as i began laughing at the irony of the situation i knew 'it was only a matter of time' that i would see her pass the window while spinning in protest. one mississippi, two mississippi, THERE SHE IS! Nicole! in all her heigth and glory protesting in front of the one in a million goddamn starbucks in new york city!!! still laughing i shifted so my back was to the window while explaining to Shelly the delicious serendipitous timing and location of our meeting. she asked if i wanted to leave- "ummm, not particularly at this moment" i thought to myself since the ring of activist were blocking the exit. i told her i'd wait it out and hope that they were gone by the time we wrapped up our conversation. in hindsight i wish i'd gone to the large window and guided Nicole's attention to it by my waving joyfully and as if to invite her in to join us... she would have really enjoyed Shelly's company as well.

Shelly was a wealth of information and insight. she turned me on to several good books- one of which i'm now reading and is currently on the top of my recommended MUST READ list- if i had one. perhaps i'll add a book list to the right-side stuff. The book Breast Cancer: Society Shapes an Epidemic, by Anne S. Kasper should be mandatory reading for ALL women and young girls- with AND without breast cancer. personally, i think if you have a daughter it is a parental obligation to read this book. It's a real dose of reality and empowerment aimed at creating an acute awareness of a slimy, seductive, transparent system that ultimately guides the evolution of a breast cancer diagnosis, it's treatment and social aftermath. nothing but facts lie within the pages. no judgments. just facts. that's the beauty of it. here's a sample of what you'll find:

"... Next, the social construction of women's health is examined. This examination focuses particularly on the roles of the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons (ASPRS), the AMA, and the companies that manufacture breast implants in reinforcing the ideology that women's breasts are diseased. In addition, this chapter demonstrates how each of these institutions profits from the medicalization of women's breast and the continued practice of breast augmentation and reconstruction. Thus, this chapter primarily concentrates on these members of the medical establishment. Finally, suggestions for social change are presented, which include ideological, structural, and individual level solutions." (page 54)

"As (Ann) Kasper suggests, women are receiving powerful messages about their breasts. It should not be surprising then, that, for many women their self-esteem and self-worth are largely determined by their breast size and shape. How do we begin to address this problem that is so ingrained in our patriarchal society?
To begin, women's social status needs to be separated from the cultural valuation and objectification of their bodies. Specifically, media representations of women and women's bodies should be changed so that these images reflect the great diversity of body shapes and sizes that exist, including images of women who have had mastectomies." (page 83)

i really don't give a rat's arse what a person's body looks like. but it's too late. i guess at this point in order to establish even an illusion of social equality we, now, have to exploit and parade ALL women "to be separated from the cultural valuation and objectification of their bodies".

i believe Shelly's book is due out this winter. i'll keep you posted. in the meantime, stop hem-halling about whether or not you should throw out your daughter's lameass barbie doll. if you don't think this plastic stick contributes to the earliest misguided destructive illusions of the female body stop kidding yourself. step up to your responsibility to raise a strong, socially conscious, secure, confident human being. heck, the hard rail-thin thing isn't even cuddly-able and all of her clothes come from frederick's of hollywood. what does THAT accomplish anyway? i seriously can't think of one good thing about barbie. giving that thing the ol' heev-ho would be the first step in "individual level solutions"... and reading the above mentioned book, of course.

find other good reads here.

"sick"

"Mr. Foster, are you really sick?"

D*VE.

this is just a minor interruption from what i was going to post but this ad is really getting my "goat" (and what does THAT even mean?). and more deeply frustrating is that women are buying into it! it has to do with those annoying D*ve ads - you know, the soap people. don't get me wrong i love D*ve's original bar soap. BUT only because it reminds me of my cool grandmother, Delma who loyally kept a bar of D*ve in her bathroom soap dish (a lovely ceramic mermaid that she cast and painted herself- the soap dish that is). i acutely remember the smell of the soap from every time we washed up after playing with cold grey clay in her basement studio. i also remember her washing my poison ivy infested arms with this soap lathered on a soft cotton washcloth. i'm still not sure this was such a great remedy that was followed with dabbing pink chalky calamine lotion soaked cotton balls over the oozing freshly washed blisters. but she was gentle about it.

anyway back to these ads... what the f*ck?! i don't need some mediocre soap company telling me how cool and beautiful old age is. hell, i have absolutely no desire to be any age other that what i am- 43!!! and i'm looking forward to however many years are ahead of me. and with all of my age spots, moles, wrinkles, a head of grey hair, and "old age" ailments i'm proud of it ALL. and the funny thing is if women FEEL "old" just because they have these qualities it's ONLY because commercials and other forms of product advertisements and media have brainwashed them into THINKING they are old, washed-up, aesthetically worthless, unattractive flesh that needs to make every effort to look 20-30 years old again- just like D*ve has done in the past with all of their teeny bopper looking models. if any one is impressed with these commercials it is clearly an example that folks just don't have a handle on how brainwashed and manipulated they've become. do we need to see ANY women including mature, naked women on television and in magazines in order to ACCEPT, RESPECT and ADMIRE them? it's clearly a transparent system and the trickery, i hope like hell, becomes apparent very soon. it's so insulting. i can't wait for a red carpet celebrity or product endorsement to give me permission to feel beautiful and worthy while wearing little or no make-up, walking around with naturally grey locks, comfortable shoes and flaunting my single breastedness. until then i'll go wait in a goddamn cave and rot for a few thousand goddamn more years feeling like a socially unacceptable outcast loser. HA!

to HELL with hair dye, face potions and needing to get naked to be accepted as a productive, thriving, equal participant in this goddamn shallow society.

VOTE!

i've been working on several garments for RHEA BELLE and REBEL COO as well as a few "writings" to post here so i've been a wee bit busy and productively distracted. But in the meantime, before i unveil all of that, i want to encourage you to get over to SK*RT and vote for Rebel1in8 by clicking "love it". the amazing force known as pussyg/the cat lady has posted a shining introduction to Rebel1in8.

my campaign for your vote isn't about capital gain but a strong desire to spread the power of information, integrity and social observation. i think if i had to sum up the backbone for Rebel1in8 those three things would definitely be in there.

the following quote is from a powerful comment left on my RHEA BELLE clothing set by Soft Serve Girl:

"I am moved beyond belief. As a cancer survivor myself, and a woman who has had reconstruction, the thought of NOT reconstructed never entered my consideration as the doctor's didn't even talk about it as an option! I feel betrayed to an extent that the male surgeon didn't tell me it was OK to go with one breast. Not that I shouldn't have known it for myself, but when you have 10 days between diagnosis and surgery, that's a lot of crap to deal with because all you are thinking about is SURVIVAL. Would I do it differently? I don't know...perhaps my path was to be a spirit whose chest was reconstructed as an example, for we are all examples of survivorship with our without our breasts. Either way we all have scars, and those scars speak a multitudes of languages. Bless you and your cool designs!!!"