we'll start with words.

turn.

take turns
turning point
the tide has turned
turning the corner
taking a turn for the best
taking a turn for the worse
turn the clock back
the tables have turned
turns out

(to be continued...)

reflections.

for a new friend. my words on the surgery.

feed. back.

the latest for Rhea Belle apparel...

"absolutely love this dress. who says winter requires shades of gray. lightning speed shipping and care taken with packaging! again, what a beautiful concept - loving our bodies in whatever shape they are in."

(MORE HERE! and YES, i'm bragging.)

dark ages.

"For women who have opted not to undergo reconstruction after a mastectomy, it is vital to get a good breast form and find the right bra, according to personal development and image consultant Judy Fearn.
"This is really worth pursuing," she says. "Keep trying them on until you find the one that works for you. You'll be amazed at the difference it can make to your silhouette and the way you feel about yourself."

(more photos and about the photos.)

on being ageless.

It is a great essay! But after reading "What would Susan do?" by Matthew Zachary I must note that we should give credit where credit is due. The "think before you pink" project began in 2002 by BREAST CANCER ACTION - one of the leading and growing breast cancer advocacy organizations in the country. Their politics, ideologies and mission transcends ageism and is not limited to a stereotyped 40+ crowd. It's quite bothersome when "young" people (supposedly under 40) stereotype the "non-young" (anyone over 40). GenerationX has ALL generations before them to thank for paving the way for their inventions and attitudes. The only difference between my diagnosis at 36 and my diagnosis at 40 was my age in years- I was the same person. My rebellious, socially inquisitive and ageless disposition will remain throughout my years and GenX will discover this truth themselves one day. After 40 we don't automatically buy into questionable mainstream rallies like the pink ribbon. Neither did my 70+ year old grandmother for that matter when she had breast cancer. Plenty of "young" women support Komen and pink ribbon product consumption (hardcore!- trust me I've talked to some of them). Attend a Susan G. Komen walk and you'll see what I mean. It's not an age/generation thing that makes someone uncomfortable with organizations like Komen or PINK marketing in general. It's a rising social/political conscience issue that's been addressed for years by many women with strong social and feminist views even before GenX when we weren't even so saturated with it. We must all be responsible reporters/writers and not buy into ageism like so many other facets of the media where YOUNG is better. It's the ideologies and politics of rebellious generations before us of all ages that actually gives rise to progress and unveils oppressive ideologies and presents these observations to the next generation. I mean, I'm 44 but my clothing line and website are informing younger women of non-traditional/mainstream choices they didn't think they had. Many of my garments have sold to 25-30 year olds with and without cancer. I'm going to be cool and progressive even at 90! In a world where we require permission by red-carpet celebrities or DOVE soap commercials to be proud of grey hair and wrinkles it's important for those of us, of all ages, with a sensitive social conscience to come together- to be ourselves and embrace our strong voices beyond the boundaries of the number of our living years.

Komen knows exactly what they are doing and their marketing has absolutely everything and nothing to do with age. That's the brilliance of Komen. They're simply a money machine. When many women wrote to Komen and complained about this ad a Komen representative responded by saying the ad was intended to reach a "younger" crowd by using an "image they could relate to". While social and feminist conscience women were enraged even by the response, the signs remained. I'd like to say that Komen is out of touch with the younger crowd but it seems they are not. If we are really out to change the flow of this river we must address the fundamental "wrongs" in these campaigns for "cure/research" and get young people on board with the offensive social/feminine/consumer assault that these campaigns provoke and not just calling "foul" to the superficial by-products of the regime (the pink ribbons and product consumption). And even more importantly we shouldn't ever separate the old from the youth in these battles - you need some of us on board- we're fighting the same battles and we're passionate. To say "We're on our own. And as I like to say, GenX cancer will only be fixed by GenX." is a bit of a stretch.

I personally think all women should read The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde in order to clearly understand how far we have not come in defining and owning our personal feminine ideologies and our bodies. The PINK thing transcends marketing/disease/body/consumer exploitation. It's simply oppressive and women in the fields of feminist studies, anthropology, socio-political and marketing have been writing about it for years already. Until people educate themselves on HOW we got to this point with disease marketing/exploiting/profiteering via product consumption and the landscape of advertising they will not understand what it will take to change it's course. The Susan G. Komen foundation is not a bad organization. All of the effort and contributiuons they make towards funding research and assiting the econimically challenged/medically under-served population with screening is commendable. For me, it is not only their no holds barred marketing and advertising that I find has much to be desired but their capitalistic conservative political practices are transparent as well. The foundation lobbied against a pro-consumer patient-rights bill in 1999, 2000, and 2001; the bill that the company sponsored is known as "the HMO Bill of Rights." Not to mention they clearly display absolutely no regard or interest in the causes of breast cancer. As the rising rock-star of money making/receiving organizations for the "cause" I wish they'd at least run a more progressive, socially sensitive, feminist sensitive show- stop exploiting our bodies, stop implying breast cancer is all about our breast and not our lives and stop making cancer out to be something we fight, kick and punch... or lose to. Treat us, the consuming public, like intelligent people. We have also only to blame all the companies who participate in "pink product" merchandising at the expense of those fighting breast cancer while pushing their products stamped with a ribbon. For every lid licked, every product labeled at the grocery with a pink ribbon and beyond simply lies a transparent opportunity to make a buck (with usually very little actually going to the "cause") through passive, empty empathy. Every October there's an open invitation to profit from of a disease- someone else's misfortune. The question is not "what would Susan do?"- it would be arrogant to even speculate or imply she would do anything differently than her sister.

Resources from Rebel1in8:

Patient No More: The Politics of Breast Cancer by Sharon Batt

Breast Cancer: Society Shapes an Epidemic by Anne S. Kasper

The Politics of Breast Cancer by Maureen Hogan Casamayou

The Breast Cancer Wars: Hope, Fear, and the Pursuit of a Cure in Twentieth-Century America by Barron H. Lerner

A Darker Ribbon: A Twentieth-Century Story of Breast Cancer, Women, and Their Doctors by Ellen Leopold

Pink Ribbons, Inc by Samantha King

Unravel The Ribbon by Sarah Lochlann Jain

Pink Ribbon Madness.

Welcome to Cancer Land.

Crunch For the Cure.

Awareness and truths.

tis the season (october).

i'm a bit confused why those that support the big "pink ribbon" agenda always make those that DON'T -seem like haters. it's funny because that's EXACTLY how the marketing works- if you're not out walking, running and consuming for the cause and it's "victims" then you just don't care. god forbid we simply conserve our personal energy by NOT walking and avoid purchasing unnecessary pink products by NOT consuming and give to the charity DIRECTLY. it's all so passive. what happened to genuine compassion without a gift in return of something useless.

i don't hate the pink "campaign"- i loathe it. and not because it over-rides other diseases and causes of death. i loathe it because it is sexist and undermines fundamental feminist issues. it's an oppressive plight that uses bloated old-age feminine ideologies about our bodies and our place in the world to scare women into being "AWARE" at the expense of our integrity while practicing the sweet pleasures of capitalism. yeh, it's a mouth full. it is simply a "fear losing your breast because it has everything to do with who you are". it's a frightening day when some one says with a light, careless air in their voice- it's ok- it's breast cancer- it IS all about the breast, after all.

i've been diagnosed twice with a mastectomy the second time around with no re-construction. my grandmother had breast cancer and a bi-lateral mastectomy (no re-construction) in her 60's and died 20 years later with lung cancer. i move forward in her/our honor by NOT supporting breast cancer organizations that use the disease and women's bodies so carelessly and without a social or feminist conscience. any campaign that uses a headless woman's torso and talks about "save the breast" or "kick it" with vague misleading illusions to bring attention to it's CAUSE is NOT working in MY name or my grandmother's . in other words these organizations do NOT speak for me. we who march to a different drummer certainly are allowed to have and voice our keen socially/politically observant opinions - despite that they may go against the comfy zone of mainstream popularity. but we are far from being "haters".

my fabulous friend and patient advocate Jeanne Sather has some great suggestions on her blog. If you'd like to contribute to the "cause" in a more direct, compassionate way consider the question... "What DO You Want (Instead of a Pink Ribbon)?"

sometimes it doesn't cost a single cent to help the "cause". help low-income medically underserved women by making a simple phone call.

see the right column on this blog- i place some interesting information under "ON PINK".

in the same vain as my opinion "on pink" i design clothing for women who have had a mastectomy and choose NOT to impose society's politics and ideologies on their already traumatized bodies and do not have reconstruction or a wear the blob (aka the prosthesis). it is the very first clothing line to EMBRACE the single breasted or no breasted body... www.rheabelle.etsy.com

de-pink at Rebel1in8

please see "MY TOP RESOURCES" in the right column.

if you live in new york city...

i highly recommend the play "The Clean House" by Sarah Ruhl. it's currently at the Tisch theater until Sunday, October 5th. get your tickets in advance through smarttix. i don't witness much theater but this play is worth an evening out.

an excerpt:

Ana:
"People talk about cancer like it's this special thing you have a relationship with. And it becomes blood count, biopsy, chemotherapy, radiation, bone marrow, blah blah blah blah blah. As long as I live I want to retain my own language.
Mientras tenga vida, quiero aferrarme mi propio idioma.
No extra hospital words. I don't want to have a relationship with a disease. I want to have a relationship with death. That's important. But to have a relationship with with a disease -- that's some kind of bourgeois invention. And I hate it."

it's a play about discovering/opening your heart for the perfect joke and love. and some stuff in between.

(some costume consultation provided by Rhea Belle apparel.)

what matters.

it's the rebellions that matter.
despite the powers that be and what some may think.
fight the doubts, the resistance, the opposing grain.
that's what makes a rebellion... a rebellion.

imagine a long commercial
cutting in
on a setting sun.

that's what the days are like.

at the end of the day, though
i try to remember what matters.
my true guides are inside my heart
speaking through the gut
with swords protecting my spirit.
i just keep saying, because it is true

.
.
.
stay close to the believers
the passion getters
the joy seekers
the givers of kindness
and to hell with
those
whose
arrogance
prevents
them
from
sharing
or even
knowing
the
sounds
of
the
drumming
rain.

Truth be told.

From the Los Angeles Times

Opinion
Palin: wrong woman, wrong message
"Sarah Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Hillary Clinton. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger."

By Gloria Steinem

September 4, 2008

Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.

But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie.

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years' experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked aboutIraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq."

She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain's campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that he doesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God, guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Assn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't just echo McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting for Palin's husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest.

Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women.

And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of the Women's MediaCenter. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supporting Barack Obama.

a new place to gather...

under THE SONGBIRD BRANCH.

Rhea Belle apparel... the beat goes on.

i just received the following email today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I received the items I ordered, and I love them -- Now I'm wondering about another...
Thanks again -- Your clothes make me feel so good......
Mary"

a wordless narrative #2.

a train ride.
towards friends, gregg and marisol.
rich blue skies.
sun kissed wood.
licks and jumping fur.
cool water in evening light.
a love story on a rippling sheet under stars and amidst crickets and birds. and a fire.
chocolate cake and beer. (yes together) after steak and garden greens.
sleep.
and then.
morning swimming. alone. floating. and summersaults.
taking it in.
a puppy named chica.
a smooth sweet flirty dog named chulo.
and elegant maya. 15 years old. sleeping. always. and dreaming of play and running and treats and all the hugs and kisses in foreverville where comfort and endless memories with her cool mama, marisol await her.
and gregg. i wrote a poem for him once. or twice. a friend for life. years ago he walked deep in the woods with me. he, a shovel in his hand. me, my dead cat's body in a back pack. we buried her together. he was the only one near that i trusted. he lost a shoe (a dress shoe at that) down a steep hill while climbing towards the best spot. we buried her on a hill near a stream. i planted poppies. we found his shoe.

and then a train ride back to brooklyn. to "meat".

enjoy the show.

unleashed.

the new designs have been unleashed. my description for this garment:

NEVER before has a mastectomy garment been offered that actually embraces the transformed body. This dress was designed solely with my body landscape in mind- a single right side mastectomy. The rich raspberry tie gently wraps the flat chocolate terrain- protecting, embracing and empowering it with style. Radical times call for radical measures. Thousands of women walk the sidewalks with post mastectomy bodies hiding them with prosthetics, frumpy over-sized garments and fear. I refused painful, potentially harmful reconstruction and the humility I find in the use of a prosthesis. I'd rather adorn my deserved body with beautiful garments and confidence and this piece is the first to be available for sale with such a brave bold statement.

If you haven't had surgery it's still going to be fabulous on you!!! Just fabulous. Wear it with glorious support for all the women with transformed bodies and spread empowerment. It will be available in other colors soon. But I'm in love with this combo! The wide tie can be made to embrace the left or right side. Please specify upon purchase.

"A reasonable man adapts himself to his environment. An unreasonable man persists in attempting to adapt his environment to suit himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw
***

is this "in your face"? you bet! do i care? what do you think? but i will not let 30+ years go by again and passively sit and wait for "time" to forgive my body politics. i wish Audre Lorde were still with us to perhaps witness a day free from oppressive ideologies and submissive practices based in fear.

i simply don't want to be "nearly me" or "nearly you"

Please pass the knowledge of Rhea Belle apparel around! or go shopping for yourself. it's really not about the sales. it's about unleashing the lovely sweet REBELLION!!!!! a rebellion created for ALL women- so if you ever need to make those hard pressed decisions regarding what to do with your body if diagnosed with breast cancer you'll have choices. choices based in your personal ideologies NOT fear of social rejection.

and i'm not the only one wondering "if thousands of women are having mastectomies a year... where are they? where are "the women like me"?

(i'm wearing this number this weekend. i'll post photos as i'm always getting comments like "let's see YOU in it". so ok. ok already.)

The SONGBIRD BRANCH

.

.

.

a new project and collaboration with whomever wants to contribute.

a truly historical moment.

NEVER before has raspberry embraced chocolate... like this. 

dreams are contagious. an outbreak...

Five Ring Circus. a good read!

the view from here.

i spent the day placing new garments in the rhea belle apparel store with more to come in the next few weeks. some more radical and to the point. it was joyfully bound to happen.

i'm preparing. there's a lot going on with this project including a coffee table book that's in the works that will hi-lite rebel1in8 and rhea belle apparel. it's a collaboration between Privacy Wear and THEME magazine so i anticipate nothing but sheer and uber coolness to come of it. it should be coming out in the fall. i'm not sure i'm suppose to mention any details until it actaully comes out. but be assured that i will keep you posted. also, i was contacted this week by a costume designer working on a play that involves a character who is dealt a breast cancer diagnosis and explores the aftermath of a mastectomy.

in a letter to me she writes "I found your shop while researching post-mastectomy clothes, because I didn't think that the character, Ann, would have used prosthetics. I have to say, your clothes are amazing and the clients' comments should make you feel so proud!!! It's very touching to read the reviews of women whom the clothes helped to feel beautiful and feminine and mainly, themselves again. Thank you!"

through phone correspondence she informed me that the costume designs were inspired by my collection. since no other clothes like mine were found during her research the producer agreed that my website and store will be mentioned in the program at the costume designer's request. a NEW YORK production!!! i have also been invited to provide literature for my website and store in the theater for the audiences. and, of course, i'll be getting free tickets to the show. (after the show opens i will provide the name and location- i have my reasons for not doing so at this time.) geezus, how cool is this!? i'm suppose to receive a copy of the script and designs this week.

...and to top it all off- a certain garment is in the patent process in legal hands as we speak and i should be able to launch/unveil it in the fall. another motto of mine: if you need it and it doesn't exist- miyods! (make it your own damn self) so i did.

do i feel lucky these days? well, i've always said that luck is: simply (or not) being prepared for an opportunity or open door. so yes, i'm feeling lucky. very very lucky. and damn proud of myself for sticking with it.
.
.
.
i'm the revelling rebel

oh, this is BIG!

.

.

.

Rhea Belle apparel's "stitched atop plum goodness" made it to the front page of Etsy!

and sew it goes.

i made this shirt/dress sunday afternoon and it's what i'm wearing to work tomorrow. it's pretty radical- especially for the "work place". but sew what! i'll most likely wear it with the tank top underneath it (sunday i wore it without and that was fun). it will be available in the Rhea Belle apparel store very soon. within days even.

a side thought. i have a pretty thick note pad that i use for jotting down ideas, sketches, orders, list of "ta do's" and don'ts and what not- it's one of those with the blue grid lines. anyway, today i was going through it while on the train home from work. i have a pretty big order to place for supplies and i took a break from making the list and began going through the earlier worn and scribbled pages. on one of the pages i found the following words: all in caps because that's how i printed it...

                                               HEALING

THE METAMORPHOSIS OF A ^ CONSCIENCE 

FROM WOMAN TO SURVIVOR TO PINK CULT TO AMAZON WARRIOR TO WOMAN

photos by gcs 

lines. and when life imitates art.

when i was house sitting and dog loving for my friends gregg and marisol last winter i started a series of drawings; meandering lines guided in part by play and in part by the obstacles created by their own design. i haven't visited the note book in a while though. last night i had an urgent moment of inspiration and out of the blue i envisioned a solution for a blouse that was given to me by my beyond cool friend tina. instinctively she knew i'd like it and would find a way to make it my own- you know, allow it to take on the life of draping my asymmetrical body. being a central-button-down the front blouse and with beautiful embroidery i didn't want to perform a complete renovation with a lot of cutting and sewing so this blouse has been around a while waiting patiently to serve.

without any procrastination, analysing, or second thoughts i retrieved the blouse from the "waiting" drawer, switched the singer on and began to "draw". i didn't even bother to change the thread that was already in the machine... the white seemed so perfect.

i have several friends who consistently tell me that my art doesn't have to hang on gallery walls to be valid- that my clothing has become my canvas. well, by all accounts i finally, FINALLY am convinced. (geez, i know! it took me long enough.)

(click on the images for larger views. and more drawings here.)

FEEL THE LOVE.

technically, there are so many things wrong with this dress. it displays some pretty wicked sewing after i cut up and re-arranged a standard button-down-the-front dress. but after the renovation i must say, conceptually, socially and architecturally... it's perfect. i've finally completed my asymmetrical shirt-dress prototype. it's been cut and pinned for over a year. i have a seamstress/pattern maker whom i'm meeting with. if she "gets it" and she shows me some quality stuff that she's made i'm set. i plan to have several asymmetrical blouses and dresses made by fall. and quite possibly i'll have them available in the 'rhea belle apparel' store. the beat does go on.

a newly discovered voice.

Please, oh please, go discover what goodness awaits you "Under the Stinkwood Tree".

a pause from anger.

.
.
.
i'm reading this. and liking it very very much.

i'm outta here...

I'm on vacation indefinitely. In other words... "GONE SWIMMIN".

angry. anger. and grace.

i am angry these days. there's not an hour that goes by in a day that is empty for even a minute of it. (well, perhaps there are a few.) i sometimes wake up confronted with a fight on my mind- there's plenty to be fought. normally, i would try to "heal it", rise above it, go around it, slip under it or push through it. but these days, it lingers. and i let it. i let it remain and thrive because i now stand firm that anger is passion at it's best. good things have come from it. i will spare a punch and let it live through art, poetry, words and most importantly i will let it thrive and consume my behavior and my actions towards things i believe in. there's a long list of battles and if you think there are non to be fought you are either dead or simply not paying attention. i don't need to be calmed and the only meditation i need is to ponder my next graceful move.

(this is how i'm feeling today, anyway.)

words. and tolerance.

The following are quotes that I've heard this weekend. No kidding.

This was said to a friend of mine after she informed a friend of her upcoming bi-lateral mastectomy:

"I hope you're going to have reconstruction- a woman at my gym had a mastectomy without reconstruction and she's always 'in your face' about it."

This was said to my sister today while she was telling a neighbor about my Rhea Belle clothing.

"Oh, your sister didn't have reconstruction? I know a young woman in her thirties that had a mastectomy. She HAD to get reconstruction because she's young and beautiful."

It's a really good thing both of these ideas were not expressed to me. Just an FYI when talking to me... if you can dish it out- you better be able to take it. (And stand beyond arms reach, just in case.) BTW: I live in the supposed liberal, hip/cool, intellectual, cultural, anything-goes New York City... and actually I've learned over the years- sometimes, it's anything but.

work clothes and antisymmetry.

These garments are just a few of the ones I'm wearing to my new 9-5. Some days I feel like playing, some days I don't- some days, like everybody else, I want to reveal, other days I want to buffer, balance and blend.

"Sew", I pinch, pleated and stitched with black diamond rhinestones... and all is balanced with night stars, falling ties and tied bows, snaps and a belted singing bird.


My friend Kim shed new light on asymmetry...

"Rebel:

The etymology of asymmetric is asymmetria: lack of proportion, from aymmetros: ill-proportioned
asymmetric means:
1: not symmetrical

On the other hand antisymmetric means:
relating to or being a relation that implies equality of any two quantities for which it holds in both directions
mathematically antisemmetric means:
A quantity which changes sign when indices are reversed.

I have been thinking of this because I was going to call you the queen of asymmetry, but now I am thinking the more proper definition would be the antisymmetric queen. You have such a command on bringing beauty out of what is expected not to be beautiful.
Symmetry:
1: balanced proportions; also : beauty of form arising from balanced proportions

You don’t fill “lack of proportion” or sculpt “ill-proportion”. Instead you take the eye and provide the brain with a complex relation between fabric and body that is

Like redefining equal (=). Swiping previous volumetric and linear definitions of “symmetry” out of sight and replacing it with curvi-linear functions that connect the curve of the shoulder to that of the opposite hip or the collar bone to the fingertip. Things that should be together, but don’t necessarily line up orthogonally.

Symmetry:
2: having corresponding points whose connecting lines are bisected by a given point or perpendicularly bisected by a given line or plane This one was for the irony. “perpendicular bisect”-ion should not be in the same line as “curves”."

offerings, politics and poetics. the conclusion.

Less fabric and draping. A snip there and rip-it-out there. And happily all padding-and-pockets-free with support in the right places while comfort reins! Now THIS is a wearable, comfortable and practical "post-mastectomy" bathing suit! (continued from)

More comments here...

offerings, politics and poetics cont'.

This lil' review of the pictured Lands' End swimsuit is continued from "offerings, politics and poetics". Please jump over there to catch up... unless you're already up-to-date, it might be a good idea to familiarize yourself with this exchange.

I am really grateful to the Lands' End marketing rep for sending this swimsuit (Item #28066-1AJ5) to me to sample for her. The suit I received seems a bit different from the one advertised with more excessive draping of the front fabric. But it is certainly cool beach/pool gear- the style and cut are indeed a bit retro and fun. But while the style is appealing the body-shaping-hugging fabric/design seems a bit breathtakingly tight with perhaps 'too much' style over comfort for a hot day at the beach for someone who is ACTIVE and not just sunning poolside. And I usually prefer something made of cotton or at least a cotton blend. But we'll see.

The Lands' End marketing representative promised that "For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option."

Anyway, as I expected this post-mastectomy swimsuit is hardly an ideal option for someone who wants to go to the pool or beach "prosthesis-free". As you can see in the photos with the suit on Rhea, a one-breasted mannequin (there is no right breast) the puffy empty side is awkwardly asymmetrical and pulled somewhat flat- and not by thoughtful, conceptual aesthetic design. The last thing I want is to appear like I'm wearing a bathing suit that is intended for another body and I've desperately resolved to wearing this one for whatever reason - including the KNOWN reason that there ISN'T a bathing suit made for my body. Also, as you can see in the second photo, if the empty cup is even barely touched it pushes/smushes in, unveiling a "missing" form beneath this architectural disguise. There is ample support for the "breasted" side but the extra padding/pocket and fabric for a prosthesis makes this side, too, feel a bit unnecessarily "enhanced". Plus, because both sides are shaped and designed for a prosthesis both sides demand a certain sized breast or prosthesis to fill them up... and my breast just doesn't fill the left side amply- thus it, too, is smushable for this reason. There is also a rigid, stiff, pokey devise sewn into each side of the suit at the underarm/torso area (3/8" x 4") that appears to serve to shape and support the sides/fabric- but it is uncomfortable and itchy. The back of this swimsuit, however, is nice indeed.

A note: One thing that annoys me to no end is that, like most other marketers and/or manufacturers of mastectomy swim wear and bras, is that they use two-breasted women in their advertisements. A two-breasted woman would not be shopping for a post-mastectomy swimsuit with prostheses pockets! It is quite obvious that the woman wearing the swimsuit that I chose has NOT had a mastectomy on either side. I believe this is mis-representation of how the apparel will actually fit the intended client and her prosthesis. I could go into detail of how I can tell but women who have actually had a mastectomy without reconstruction know what I'm talking about. To see a two-breasted-never-had-a-mastectomy woman in these suits is a tad-bit offensive. But bear in mind- this is just a note. If I'm wrong about these models- please, let me know otherwise.

I have some work to do to this suit but there are definitely some possibilities to transform it into wearable pool/beach gear for a one-breasted woman like myself. I plan to start cutting and sewing this week so please stay tuned...

offerings, politics and poetics.

(photo: Rhea in the light of day.)

sharing a dialogue
unveiling the views
digging for poetics

and all the while

in a single breasted
or breast-less world...
the ocean awaits.

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

My name is *** I work for *** on behalf of our client, Lands' End. I recently saw your post on post-mastectomy winter clothing and thought you and your readers may be interested in the mastectomy swimwear line from Lands’ End, since summer is right around the corner.

You can view the line here.

Lands’ End mastectomy swimwear is made to help women feel feminine and confident while participating in all summer activities:

All suits are designed with a soft cup bra for additional support.

The bra and liner hold the prosthesis in place with a durable under-bra elastic band to provide free range of motion, maximum comfort and the ultimate confidence on the beach.

Each suit is constructed to hold one or two breast prostheses.

All suits are feminine, expertly made and of course, beautiful as they flatter all figures.

If you’re interested, we can conduct a product giveaway for your readers or provide you with products for your review.

I'd love the chance to provide you any additional information or answer any of your questions. Please let me know if you're interested.

Best regards,
*** "

*

Hello there ***,
I do appreciate your letter and information. However, I don't think that you are truly familiar with my audience or me and I'm not sure exactly which post you are referring to.

I and most of my loyal readers and clients have not had reconstructive surgery OR embrace the concept/philosophy of using a prosthesis. With this in mind the traditional "post-mastectomy" clothing, bras and swimwear are of no use to us.

Should you ever be interested in representing the growing number of women who are simply embracing their transformed architecture without painful reconstruction or the uncomfortable use of a prosthesis please see my evolving clothing line www.rheabelle.com and we can talk about perhaps expanding my market for these much needed and desired garments.

Kindly,
Jacqueline Skaggs

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

Thank you for your response. The post I was referring to was this one about restructuring Laurie's clothing after her single right side Mastectomy. I also visited the clothing line here which features clothing options for women post-mastectomy. Perhaps I was too general in my first email.

I think it is very inspiring that you offer clothing for women who have chosen not to have reconstructive surgery or use a prosthesis. Lands' End's Mastectomy Swimwear line offers a swimwear option for all women who have had a mastectomy. For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option. I apologize if that was not as clear as it could have been below.

If you or your readers are interested in any Lands' End swim items and/or accessories I would like to offer you use of the following promotion.


Code: SWIM

PIN: 530530530

Expiration: April 17, 2008


Again, thank you for your response and please let me know if I can provide any additional information.


Regards,
*** "

*

***,

How thoughtful of you to respond to my letter. Perhaps I didn't give the swimwear appropriate consideration. You are certainly right that the swimwear could be enjoyed without a prosthesis- though I would be concerned that the "empty" cup would appear puffy and vulnerable to being smushed in. I do love the fabrics and the styles are actually quite "fashionable".

I am very honest and informative with my readers and I think any discourse/dialogue surrounding the politics of fashion after a breast cancer surgery is very important. With this in mind I will post our email conversations (I won't use your personal or company name, of course) along with the promotional offer- thank you very much for that.

All the best,
Jacqueline

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

If you want, we could send a suit so that you can provide your readers with first hand experience. You can view the line here. Just pick a suit that you like and send me your size and shipping information and we can get one sent over right away. Does that interest you?

Thanks!
*** "

*

WOW! Do you mean a "complimentary" suit?

*

"Yes exactly!"

*

THANK YOU!!! I'm at work (lunch at my desk) and my monitor can be seen by the entire office (new job)- no one knows my med history (just yet) and I don't want to be seen looking at pm suits- (social politics-sigh). But I will certainly view them this evening and choose one!!!

How thoughtful! AND interactive!!! This discourse exchange is so necessary and important! I'll certainly review the suit on my blog. I plan to post our conversations tonight (last night got away from me) and it will be cool to continue with a review...

Kindly,
Jacqueline

*

"Wonderful! (I definitely understand the new job social politics)... I will send your suit choice in on Monday so we can get it to you right away.

Have a wonderful weekend and talk to you soon!
*** "

*
note:
Truth be told...
In an effort to embrace the offer I've looked at my options. And looked some more. I think I've discovered a suit from the "post-mastectomy" category with a good cut... to renovate in a Rhea Belle kind of way. But clearly. Clearly. These suits are made for women who would prefer to fake it (I just can't think of a better, more political term to use here)- with generous padding, shaped cups and a structural/architectural design created more for the two-breasted body. Ideologically, philosophically, intellectually and even poetically I simply can not embrace the idea of the padding or prosthesis pockets. So I'll most likely remove it all. There are indeed some very cool and classically designed bathing suits in the "two-breasted" choices. And considering of the 216 suits available only 14 are "post-mastectomy" I did see several other suits that were not in the "post-mastectomy" category that I also liked, perhaps even better. But we'll start with the one I've chosen. I'll keep you posted on the renovations... if they're even necessary. I am certain they will be.

I've chosen Item #28066-1AJ5. I like the classic style- the kind that doesn't look like I'm wearing my underwear to the beach. And it's the kind of cut that when I dive, summer-salt underwater, wrestle with John or tossing the nerf I won't be pulling fabric out of my crack when I wade back to the sand. I've never exposed a whole lot of skin while swimming and haven't owned a two-piece since forever. I do wish this suit came in a funner fabric- I also like the the version that's NOT in the "post-mastectomy" category but I don't think it's an option. If Lands' End were on the ball they'd be designing these suits for our transformed bodies in fabulously printed and thoughtfully designed fabrics to balance/compliment our asymmetrical architecture without unnecessary padding and pockets.

I'll keep you posted...

*

hello there ***,

how about suit #28066-1aj5 size 8 in black.

is it too late to take you up on the offer?

*

"nope not at all! I will place the order and be in touch soon to let you know when it will arrive. Also, if you want to giveaway a gift card to one of your readers we can do that as well. You can set up the giveaway how ever you like, and then just send me the winners information and we will take it from there.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks!
*** "

*

thank you!!! have you seen my recent post at my blog. i am writing an honest and "true to myself" documentation of our dialogue. i do hope there are no objections on your end... please let me know! when i get home tonight i'll add something about the "give-away". THANK YOU for what i believe is an essential collaboration of ideologies- a marriage of different minds- solidarity!

jacqueline

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

I read the post and I think it sounds great. I hope you enjoy the suit and find it fits nicely. I will be placing your order today hopefully, so you should have it by the end of the week or Monday at the latest. Stay tuned!"

*

note: a pause for reflection and observation.

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

I just wanted to let you know that I have placed your suit order and you should receive it early next week. Let me know if it doesn't come.

Thanks!

*

a wordless narrative.

prelude. continues...
















to be continued.

found words and fabric inventions.

today and
so many clicks
away

from whence i came
i don't remember where

but along the meandering
path
i found
discovered
unveiled

Helen Heath

and

Show Your Workings.

i heart kindness.

My sister just sent me the following link. My heart went all sorts of ways upon checking it out. This artist's project gives me faith in the potential goodness of the human spirit and in... generosity. selflessness. unconditional thoughtfulness. the creative spirit. the joy of giving. and receiving. I am reminded that kindness is so damn cool I can hardly stand it.

THE HEARTS PROJECT.

Chris Uphues is an artist whose works are currently being exhibited at Alcove, my sister's gallery in the Chelsea art district in New York City.

no. 4

"objects and silicone" is a series of images that explore objects made of various materials and always includes the $300 unused Amoena silicone breast prosthesis. Each still life embraces the object's forms, surfaces, functions and innate properties. With the unused silicone prosthesis seen separated from a woman's body an avalanche of demystification begins and this object becomes empty of purpose and its emotional and social powers.

Set within a quasi sterile environment the settings are intentionally void of sentimental, romantic light leaving the objects to speak for themselves and to each other. This photographic project is an experiment in observation and the impetus is born from a desire to clarify and unveil a narrative of truth. This impetus exemplifies and remains the fundamental purpose of Rebel1in8.

and the award goes to... !

Remember the documentary "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies" that I was included in October? Well it has just been awarded an incredibly prestigious acknowledgment. I received the following email from the Senior Producer of the program. It was actually no surprise to me as I knew that Jeela Billimoria performed fabulously in its production.

"WABC TV has just won a Gracie Allen Award from AWRT (American Women for Radio & Television) for last year’s Breast Cancer Special and we thank you for your great help with this Special.

It was in the “Outstanding Public Affairs” category and I think we should be justifiably proud, as we were once again competing in the top 25 markets in the country, and we bagged it.

By the way, this Special also has garnered an Emmy nomination. We’ll keep our fingers crossed on that.

Best,
J

Jeelu Billimoria
Senior Producer
WABC TV"

Just how COOL is that!!!?

the "cleanse". one sunday evening.

On reconstitution in 1 liter of water, one pouch A and one pouch B provide: PEG-3350, 29.6 mmol/L, Sodium 181.6 mmol/L, Chloride 59.8 mmol/L, Sulfate 52.8 mmol/L, Potassium 14.2 mmol/L, Ascorbate 29.8 mmol/L (say WHAT?)

Directions: The diet that is allowed on the day of the prep (the day before your examination) is clear liquids/juices (popsicles and sodas included), coffee or tea (NO milk or creamers) and plain or vanilla yogurt (no milk but yogurt is ok?). At 6pm mix contents into 1 liter of luke warm water. Every 15 minutes, drink 8oz of the solution until the liter is complete. Drink 16oz of the clear liquid of your choice. At 8pm repeat.

Dose number one (1 Liter) began at 6pm tonight. Dose number two (1 liter), which was suppose to start at 8pm, actually got started at a little after 9pm and didn't end until approximately 11:15pm. Why? you might ask. Well, each 8oz glass of solution was to be taken every 15 minutes apart. But considering it also took me 15-20 minutes to stand around and whine about how disgusting the liquid was between each gulp- it took about one and a half hours to finish each liter. As instructed, I waited a very friendly and generous hour in between each liter while enjoying 16oz of clear liquids of my choice. I had prepared no-pulp orange juice posicles but worried that they weren't CLEAR enough. I opted for bottled water and a ginger ale. After starting liter number two, 28oz of it later and at around 11:15pm the final 4oz were poured down the drain. I simply could not take it anymore. I probably disposed of a total of 6oz throughout the process.

The hard part is over. I've done this before back in 2004 so I know the actual procedure is a breeze. I was placed on a five year screening plan after that one. Upon meeting my new PCP she decided to place me on a three year plan after learning of my brother's colon cancer diagnosis at the age of 52 and my breast cancer history. Yes, I know it's now been four years, not three. I kept putting off making the appointment and then just a few days before the prescription for the consultation expired I called and set one up. I've actually been worried about this screening. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. I won't go into extreme detail except to say that something is either pressing AGAINST my colon or is IN my colon because there is some "sculpting" taking place and that's all I'm going to say. Now, I'm not extruding anything fancy like stars or octagon shapes like a play-doh press. It's not nearly that fun and a lot more simple than that. While I remember my brother saying that he avoided certain known symptoms in an attempt to minimize them away before he finally resigned to the exam that discovered his cancer, I really do believe that it's something a lot less scary that is causing this curious creative symptom/circumstance that began almost a year ago. And waiting so long to make this appointment is a whole other story. One you might know well, even.

It's nearly 1am and I have accomplished the "all clear". And those of you who know- know what I'm talkin' about. My colonoscopy appointment is at 11am tomorrow. I'll meet you back here in the afternoon with the results and a cheeseburger, no! make that chicken panang curry, no! the drunken noodles, no! let's have spinach, garlic and ricotta pizza, no! maybe baked salmon with roasted peppers and mashed potatoes, no! replace the salmon with pork chops... damn I'm hungry!

UPDATE: GOOD NEWS! all is NORMAL!!!

The note written on my post-procedure form by my doctor: "You did great! Just hemorrhoids. Everything was normal." (sorry. that's a little too much info isn't it?)

I explained to her before the procedure that I was expecting no less than an A+ for the cleansing part as I successfully accomplished expelling nothing but clear liquid. Yep, I'm braggin'. So it's internal hemorrhoids and possibly the walnut size hemorrhagic cyst (thats actually almost the size of the ovary) on my left ovary and small fibroids on my inverted uterus that are causing pressure on my colon. All that unnecessary worry.

In general the procedure went really smoothly. The facility was real fine and the staff was so professional and kind. I just love going to a NON teaching hospital. The only thing that occurred that didn't happen during my last colonoscopy is that I experienced pain during the exam. I voiced my discomfort- or at least I think I did and I think someone said something to the effect "we're almost finished- you'll be alright". The next thing I remember is being in the recovery area feeling a bit tired but perfectly fine. Perhaps I dreamed about the pain. It's really no biggy now though as no harm was done and I really don't recall anything about the actual exam and that's one thing they want to accomplish. John went with me and while I was willing to take the subway John insisted that we jump into a cab to head downtown from the upper East side. Several blocks into the ride though I had to get out because I thought I was going to be sick. You know- the sweaty mouth and tightening of the jaw sensation. I don't know what that was about- perhaps post anesthesia and almost-empty-stomach syndrome (except for two small containers of cranberry juice and two vanilla cookies complements of New York Presbyterian Hospital). Anyway I didn't barf and as we walked I began to feel better. We stopped at a diner and I had to settle for cream of broccoli soup and mashed potatoes for lunch as only "soft" foods were prescribed for the rest of the day. John insisted that I eat before I jump on the subway to head to Brooklyn and this was probably a dandy good idea.

So here I am extremely thrilled to have the exam over and with such glorious results!!!. As a matter of fact I don't have another procedure until Late Spring or Summer and that will be a mammogram/ultra-sound or an MRI. I forget which is next. I'm considering dropping the mammogram from my screening regime and doing only the ultra-sound and MRI alternating every six months. I'm just not thrilled about all of the radiation exposure accumulated over the years considering I had my first mammogram at the age of 30 and began yearly mammography screening at the age of 36 AND I received high dose radiation treatments to my former right breast area in 2001 for my first diagnosis. I know each of these screening techniques has something different to offer and different benefits but I need to take control and get a handle on ANY treatment that may actually raise my risk of any future cancer.

Anyway- I'm freakin' HAPPY. And it feels like Spring today to boot! Or I feel like Spring today is probably more the case.

tell your story...

NOTE FROM A FRIEND OF A FRIEND...

"Hi Ladies-
I am working to put together a beautiful coffee table book telling the stories of inspirational women who have survived breast cancer! The book will also serve as an educational tool for outreach to young women. If you or someone you know has won the battle against breast cancer, we'd love to include your story in this book! Please send stories to survivorstories@thememagazine.com. For an idea of the type of art direction we'll be going for you can check out THEME magazine "
xoxo,
linyee

*

THE DETAILS:
Call for Submissions for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month Privacy Clothing + emeht Coffee Table Book Shares Stories of Survivors.

New York, NY - February 19, 2008 - Privacy Clothing is now accepting submissions for an upcoming book documenting the inspiring stories of breast cancer survivors. With a focus on people working within the creative industries, the project will tell the personal stories of survivors and double as an educational resource. The narrative- and image-rich coffee table book will be produced and directed by emeht, the award winning team behind THEME Magazine. Timed for an October 2008 release for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the book will be distributed through Privacy's established breast cancer education networks.

GUIDELINES FOR SUBMISSION
We're looking to tell the motivational stories of creatives who have won the battle against breast cancer. Please include a photo of yourself with your submission and send to: survivorstories@thememagazine.com

Name:
Age:
Occupation/Industry:
Email:
Phone:
Website (Optional):
Please share a short summary of your story (less than 200 words):

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSION
March 14, 2008

ABOUT PRIVACY
The Privacy label is more than a fashion statement; it is a "Commitment to the Cure." We bring breast cancer awareness to the fashion marketplace by using a generous portion of our annual revenue to fund breast cancer prevention and research. This allows us to provide free mammography screening for underprivileged women, and to fund breast cancer education and clinical trials. We believe in quality, for our apparel and for human life.

ABOUT emeht
emeht is committed to the dynamic art of storytelling. Founded by the creative and editorial team behind award-winning THEME magazine, emeht specializes in innovative projects ranging from fashion art direction to coffee table books that marry compelling narratives with engaging visuals.

*

Yes, I will submit my story- as boring as it is...