the "cleanse". one sunday evening.

On reconstitution in 1 liter of water, one pouch A and one pouch B provide: PEG-3350, 29.6 mmol/L, Sodium 181.6 mmol/L, Chloride 59.8 mmol/L, Sulfate 52.8 mmol/L, Potassium 14.2 mmol/L, Ascorbate 29.8 mmol/L (say WHAT?)

Directions: The diet that is allowed on the day of the prep (the day before your examination) is clear liquids/juices (popsicles and sodas included), coffee or tea (NO milk or creamers) and plain or vanilla yogurt (no milk but yogurt is ok?). At 6pm mix contents into 1 liter of luke warm water. Every 15 minutes, drink 8oz of the solution until the liter is complete. Drink 16oz of the clear liquid of your choice. At 8pm repeat.

Dose number one (1 Liter) began at 6pm tonight. Dose number two (1 liter), which was suppose to start at 8pm, actually got started at a little after 9pm and didn't end until approximately 11:15pm. Why? you might ask. Well, each 8oz glass of solution was to be taken every 15 minutes apart. But considering it also took me 15-20 minutes to stand around and whine about how disgusting the liquid was between each gulp- it took about one and a half hours to finish each liter. As instructed, I waited a very friendly and generous hour in between each liter while enjoying 16oz of clear liquids of my choice. I had prepared no-pulp orange juice posicles but worried that they weren't CLEAR enough. I opted for bottled water and a ginger ale. After starting liter number two, 28oz of it later and at around 11:15pm the final 4oz were poured down the drain. I simply could not take it anymore. I probably disposed of a total of 6oz throughout the process.

The hard part is over. I've done this before back in 2004 so I know the actual procedure is a breeze. I was placed on a five year screening plan after that one. Upon meeting my new PCP she decided to place me on a three year plan after learning of my brother's colon cancer diagnosis at the age of 52 and my breast cancer history. Yes, I know it's now been four years, not three. I kept putting off making the appointment and then just a few days before the prescription for the consultation expired I called and set one up. I've actually been worried about this screening. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. I won't go into extreme detail except to say that something is either pressing AGAINST my colon or is IN my colon because there is some "sculpting" taking place and that's all I'm going to say. Now, I'm not extruding anything fancy like stars or octagon shapes like a play-doh press. It's not nearly that fun and a lot more simple than that. While I remember my brother saying that he avoided certain known symptoms in an attempt to minimize them away before he finally resigned to the exam that discovered his cancer, I really do believe that it's something a lot less scary that is causing this curious creative symptom/circumstance that began almost a year ago. And waiting so long to make this appointment is a whole other story. One you might know well, even.

It's nearly 1am and I have accomplished the "all clear". And those of you who know- know what I'm talkin' about. My colonoscopy appointment is at 11am tomorrow. I'll meet you back here in the afternoon with the results and a cheeseburger, no! make that chicken panang curry, no! the drunken noodles, no! let's have spinach, garlic and ricotta pizza, no! maybe baked salmon with roasted peppers and mashed potatoes, no! replace the salmon with pork chops... damn I'm hungry!

UPDATE: GOOD NEWS! all is NORMAL!!!

The note written on my post-procedure form by my doctor: "You did great! Just hemorrhoids. Everything was normal." (sorry. that's a little too much info isn't it?)

I explained to her before the procedure that I was expecting no less than an A+ for the cleansing part as I successfully accomplished expelling nothing but clear liquid. Yep, I'm braggin'. So it's internal hemorrhoids and possibly the walnut size hemorrhagic cyst (thats actually almost the size of the ovary) on my left ovary and small fibroids on my inverted uterus that are causing pressure on my colon. All that unnecessary worry.

In general the procedure went really smoothly. The facility was real fine and the staff was so professional and kind. I just love going to a NON teaching hospital. The only thing that occurred that didn't happen during my last colonoscopy is that I experienced pain during the exam. I voiced my discomfort- or at least I think I did and I think someone said something to the effect "we're almost finished- you'll be alright". The next thing I remember is being in the recovery area feeling a bit tired but perfectly fine. Perhaps I dreamed about the pain. It's really no biggy now though as no harm was done and I really don't recall anything about the actual exam and that's one thing they want to accomplish. John went with me and while I was willing to take the subway John insisted that we jump into a cab to head downtown from the upper East side. Several blocks into the ride though I had to get out because I thought I was going to be sick. You know- the sweaty mouth and tightening of the jaw sensation. I don't know what that was about- perhaps post anesthesia and almost-empty-stomach syndrome (except for two small containers of cranberry juice and two vanilla cookies complements of New York Presbyterian Hospital). Anyway I didn't barf and as we walked I began to feel better. We stopped at a diner and I had to settle for cream of broccoli soup and mashed potatoes for lunch as only "soft" foods were prescribed for the rest of the day. John insisted that I eat before I jump on the subway to head to Brooklyn and this was probably a dandy good idea.

So here I am extremely thrilled to have the exam over and with such glorious results!!!. As a matter of fact I don't have another procedure until Late Spring or Summer and that will be a mammogram/ultra-sound or an MRI. I forget which is next. I'm considering dropping the mammogram from my screening regime and doing only the ultra-sound and MRI alternating every six months. I'm just not thrilled about all of the radiation exposure accumulated over the years considering I had my first mammogram at the age of 30 and began yearly mammography screening at the age of 36 AND I received high dose radiation treatments to my former right breast area in 2001 for my first diagnosis. I know each of these screening techniques has something different to offer and different benefits but I need to take control and get a handle on ANY treatment that may actually raise my risk of any future cancer.

Anyway- I'm freakin' HAPPY. And it feels like Spring today to boot! Or I feel like Spring today is probably more the case.