the brown shirt.

I wore this brown top during the filming of an interview. The photos in that link are by my sister who while visiting (came next door to steal a cup of jo) and always with a camera in hand "documented" my browsing through some fancy fashion mags that were found in a box on a Chelsea sidewalk in Manhattan. I occasionally peruse these mags for inspiration- in search of sentiments or not yet born parodies to exploit in my clothing photographs. I think her announcement of the television program is beautiful and I found it to be sweet that she posted it and then sent out a mass email about it from her Alcove gallery list. Participating in the filming and interview was an incredibly wonderful and challenging experience. Did I mention it was also embarrassingly stressful and that after it was all over and even though it went beautifully and I appeared very calm and composed I got a terrible headache and became nauseated as soon as the crew left. I'll write more about it soon- the good parts and other experiences in this shirt. In the mean time I'll leave you with a tale as told to me by my thirteen year old nephew. I think the brown shirt was fitting for the interview...

once upon a time there was a captain on a large ship.
just as he stepped upon the deck one afternoon a member of his crew positioned in the crow’s nest yells “captain!!! there’s an enemy ship coming towards us!!!!”
the captain responds to the nearest deck-hand “go get me my red shirt!!!”
well, a battle ensues and not one man from this ship is killed.
after the battle the guy in the crow’s nest asks the captain “why did you retrieve your red shirt before the attack?”
the captain replies “in case i was stabbed or shot my men couldn’t see that i was injured and they would continue to fight without fear or discouragement”.
several weeks go by and one day the guy in the crow’s nest yells “captain!!!
twenty enemy ships are in the distance!!!”
the captain turns to anyone in ear-shot and yells “go get me my brown pants!!!”

so. sew. sow.

During our 17th anniversary celebration dinner out last night the following conversation occurred. John and I had spent most of the afternoon with a cerulean filled sky overhead as we shot photos on our roof for an up coming "advertisement" for Rhea Belle clothing. His job was simple- well, so I thought. I listed just three things for him to keep track of while he operated the camera: make sure my stomach doesn't pooch out (I have bad posture but I'm workin' on that), keep an eye out for double chins and PLEASE make sure my Rebel necklace doesn't flip over. Well, two out of three isn't so bad (the rebel pendant flipped but photoshop fixed that)... I guess. I made the t-shirt Saturday afternoon. I had been thinking about it for a while and decided that it would soon be a classic in my collection. "Collection". What does that even mean? See, my plan is to infiltrate (pretend like I know what I'm doing and make it look right) the fashion bubble and subtly shatter the illusions of what a "survivor" looks like. Ultimately and logically she looks just like everyone else because the clothes she is wearing are made just for her. When I put the "classic Rebel1in8 T" on- damn did I feel empowered! Does a prosthesis EVER do that? So, the conversation I mentioned went something like this: (while waiting for pork chops, home-made style mashed potatoes, asparagus, brandini fish over rice, clams and two vodka gimlets- the now drink-of-choice introduced to me by Jeanne during her visit here)...

John: (from across the candle lit table and with a smile) Um, I can see right down your shirt.

me: Which side? Breast side? Flat side?

John: (shrugging, knowing my response ahead of time) Flat side.

me: (smiling real big) Yeah, SO!

Introducing the Classic Rebel1in8 T-shirt.

friends and truths.

On the road and under sky. John and I took a road trip from New York to Indiana a couple of weeks ago. We needed to leave the lovely stanky ways of the city for a while and even more importantly we just had to get home to see family. While on the road we decided to visit a couple of friends that I met online, Kim and Tina. It was my second visit with Kim and our visit was not nearly long enough. We stopped by her place long enough to catch up a little, meet her husband and darling dog Boo and take a short breather from the road but it was well worth the minor detour. I have corresponded often with Tina but had never met her in person and after several cell phone conversations we decided to meet near her home at a food joint just off the road we were traveling. We spent nearly two hours embracing this amazing woman's energy and giddily departed with a bag generously stuffed with vegetables from her garden. I am convinced that these relationships will be life-long exchanges.

I have met many other women over the past year through Rebel1in8 and hope to meet more in the near future. I'd still love to meet women I correspond with who live in Chicago, California, Ottawa Canada, Vancouver BC, and the UK. Also among the incredible women I have personally met are Jeanne, Shelly and Jeelu. Upon my return home from our road trip I prepared for a visit from Jeanne and her friend, Pat. Jeanne came to New York from Seattle this past weekend to try on clothes from my Rhea Belle clothing line and do a little sight-seeing. I made several custom garments for her while she was here and have a couple more to ship when they're ready. Jeanne's visit was intensely wonderful and I'm planning a visit to Seattle possibly as soon as October for business ops that Jeanne is helping set up! She's also preparing a press release for me for an up'n coming Rhea Belle "fashion show". I'll keep you posted on all of that. A few months ago Shelly contacted me after discovering my website and deciding that we had many similar views surrounding the politics and social quirks that infiltrate a breast cancer diagnoses. We met for coffe to discuss topics that will be included in her next book. I recently met Jeelu when she contacted me to participate in a television program about breast cancer. She brought a film crew to our loft in early August to interview me regarding the Rebel1in8 website and Rhea Belle clothing. I'll blog about that amazing, nerve racking three hour experience very very soon, too. The program will air in early October. So much is happening.

As you can see, the creation of Rebel1in8 has guided so many incredible people and opportunities my way. But there is something I want to make clear:
While the topic of cancer has been a conduit for these meetings "cancer" certainly gets absolutely NO credit for them. You see, I do not participate in the misconception that cancer is a gift of ANY kind. It is simply and sharply a physiological, cellular event. I am not and will not ever be grateful for the two diagnoses of cancer that I have received. Cancer has not changed me, enlightened me or enriched my life in any way, shape or form. It was not a gift from any God, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Hallmark, secret admirer or lover. All the graceless, graceful, fearless, fearful, tactless, tactful, persistant, informed, angry and humorous ways in which I have handled my cancer diagnoses were born from characteristics that I have resourcefully accumulated through my years of living and through genetics. The reality is I'd rather not know any of these fantastic women because it is through the common thread of having had cancer that we have met. If it meant not having cancer and not knowing these women... even before my diagnoses I chose fabulous, thoughtful people to be in my life so I'd be ok without these new post cancer friends. But I do know them and I have ONLY them and myself to thank for that. I love them all and they know who they are- thank you for being in my life.

So, just to get that straight.

"Rebel Fashion"

This photo was taken in Brooklyn during Jeanne's visit when she came to New York to experience Rhea Belle clothing (and a lil' bit of the big city of course). Jeanne is a friend that I met online through a network of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and are navigating their way through it with attitude and integrity. I have fabulous memories of her and her friend Pat who joined her for the New York adventure. While Pat often awoke at the crack of dawn to venture out and explore the wild city Jeanne and I spent a lot of of time drinking some kickass Seattle coffee that she brought with her and talking talking and doing more talking while I made a few custom Rhea Belle garments for her. Our evenings were spent on the roof with the sunset, a glass of wine, laughter that bordered on giggling and the planning of my inevitable visit to Seattle. On their last day Jeanne and Pat took John and I out to dinner to a little restaurant in our neighborhood where Jeanne introduced me to the Gimlet- a vodka, lime and sugar beverage. Well, long story short this is now my drink of choice when I'm in the mood for a real treat. And the best part of this beverage is I think of Jeanne every single time I have it- and mainly I think of her fabulously edgy humor and her giggle- yes Jeanne, you do giggle.

While this was the first time we met Jeanne, Pat and I felt incredibly comfortable around each other and it seems as if we've all been friends for quite some time. I simply can not wait to get to Seattle- of course I'll write about that when it happens!!!

"I don't feel embarrassed to go out in public, and, amazingly, no one seems to notice that I don't have a right breast. If people DO stare, I assume they are looking at the great clothes Jacqueline has made for me. Or they are admiring my smile and my sunny attitude!" Jeanne

In the photographs Jeanne is wearing the comfy summer cowl.

stirred, sipped sweetness.

(almost two years later.)

on a sunday
evening in late july
i departed
and entered
a warm blue breeze
nurtured
by thoughts of
waiting jewels
rebel stitches
hanging, glazed rhinestones
with a carbon sky
next to white chickens
and that long list of everything
in the distance
on the horizon
growing
with asymmetry
real f**king tall
and blooming.



again, for gcs
(same restaurant, same drinks, same meal, different tablecloth)

cause.

I've spent some time on ETSY this morning. No, not shopping. Um, doing research. I was just curious how many sellers were creating and selling items in "support" of breast cancer awareness, research and/or "cure"- and how much of the merchandise was pink and/or exploiting women. 27 pages of STUFF, 403 items! And just when I didn't think it could get any worse than this I discovered this. I'm not sure which one is more blatantly irresponsible, offensive and oppressive.

Most of the products simply claimed to inspire breast cancer awareness by using the color pink with or without ribbons or with or without beaded, pom-pom cutesy breasts forms. Piled within the barettes, keychains, necklaces, bracelettes, cell phone covers, wallets, checkbook covers, stationary, tags, bibs, burp cloths, and quilts (just to name a few of the items) I even found a two-tone pink "awareness" crocheted toilet paper cover. So many seller's claim that they will donate anywhere between 10% to 50% to the mysterious pirate ship "breast cancer research". Amongst the sellers proposing to share some mysterious amount of their profits to some mysterious charity I found a seller that claimed that 10% (the magic 2-digit percentage) of their proceeds would go towards the "fight against breast cancer". Whhhhat? Shouldn't we be informed of WHICH fight (i.e. foundation, organization, etc.) they are referring to.
In any case:
10% of $10.00 is $1
10% of $20.00 is $2
10% of $30.00 is $3
etc, etc, etc. You see where I'm going with this, right? Spend $250 at this seller's store and the charity of his choice might eventually get somewhere. Meanwhile the seller is $225 richer. Would a person ever send a $1, $2, or even a $3 check to any charity? Why does it take buying STUFF to help out. So my newest project is to send the following thoughtful, inquiring letter to each seller on ETSY claiming to share a wittle bit of their profits to a breast cancer "cause":
*
Hello there,
I hope this note finds you well and in good spirits. Would you be so kind as to inform me of which charity and the EXACT amount of dollars or percentage of sale goes to the charity? "Cause Marketing" is a disease growing by epidemic proportions in this country- especially in regards to breast cancer. Each time I see something claiming to share profits with a charity I practice my consumer right to inform myself of this information before I make a purchase.

Kindest regards,
Jacqueline
*
So far I've covered three pages of the 27... Lets hope I don't get kicked off of ETSY anytime soon- I sell stuff there too.

--->Update: Below are some responses received so far from sellers that received the above letter;
*
seller's claim: "Part of the sale goes for brest cancer charity." item cost $128
"Hi, I would really be glad to answer this question? I would feel the same way too. Tonight I am attending this dinner in SAN FRANCISCO- Celebrating cotour for the cure. By Susan g Komen for the cure. As Pay pal does not allow me to do anything on line I will collectively make a CQ to this organisation. I can definately post you a copy of the CQ. 5% of the total sales will be for the Breast cancer. Hope you are satisfied with my answer. Please feel free to email me anytime."
*
seller's claim: "Proceeds will be donated to the Breast Cancer Society of Canada." item cost $3
"Actually I just take the whole thing (minus shipping) and donate it :) I use my own credit card to make the donation online along with my own donation. You can view more info on bcsc.ca - Actually, if you prefer, I can change the price to $.20 and you can donate the money yourself to breast cancer if that makes you feel more comfortable. I have never done any 'direct' monetary donation, I usually just make the crafts and donate the supplies and labour and whatever money is made is donated by the event coordinator himself/herself."
*
seller's claim: "...will donate 10% of all sales of this collection towards the fight against Breast Cancer." item cost $40
"Thank you so much for your message and interest in my jewelry! I think that is wonderful that you practice your rights to be informed on items you purchase! I am passionate about donating 10% of all sales for Breast Cancer to the Jonsson Cancer Center for Research at UCLA... Charities are very important to me in general! I also contribute or participate in charity events of the following charities irregardless of jewelry sales:" (15 various charities were listed)... "It is my hope and intent that each customer who purchases from my awareness line will not only have a beautiful and unique gift to enjoy, but also know that they have helped (via 10% donated through their purchase) in finding a solution or an end to the many causes, issues and diseases that our society is faced with today. I have heard of so many wonderful stories of great outcomes for women who were able to get into research studies with Jonsson Cancer Center due to the support of their cause and charities!! Wishing you a wonderful weekend and If you would like to make a purchase and have the profit designated somewhere else or in honor or memory of someone specific I can absolutely do that!"
*
seller's claim: "...benefits breast cancer research at Baylor Health Center." item cost $5.50
"I understand your concern. Great question! The contribution has already been made from the proceeds when I made on the purchase of the fabric at full price. It works like fabric printed that benefits St. Jude. I have other items made from the 3 fabrics I chose from the collection."
*
I intend to donate the tithing portion of the sale of the phone charm to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. If you were interested in purchasing the phone charm and have another Breast Cancer Awareness Charity in mind, feel free to give me the link and that portion can go there. I have no problem allocating the tithing portion to a charity of your choice.
*

keep on keepin' on.

Remember when just seven months ago I launched Rebel1in8 and Rhea Belle out into the world.

So here's what seven months of hard work and many "what in the world am I doing with this project- and what does it mean" moments have accomplished so far... Read "What people are saying..."

When something gets into your heart, your soul, and cuddles restlessly in your brain- there's just no escaping. I've tried. During times when I've wanted to abandon Rebel1in8 I have invented moments of clarity- observations of an irrational position that my vision is not do-able. It so often seemed hopeless in the scheme of time and the current state of the cause. Seldom, as if turning my back to this project, a feeling of relief would come. And go. I would be left with a feeling similar to witnessing a drowning and, while capable, doing absolutely nothing to assist in a rescue. But then, without fail, I'd get a comment or letter that informed me- emotionally, psychologically and intellectually. Through each correspondence I am made aware that this is not MY vision alone. I am merely a conduit for change. Necessary, inevitable, do-able change.

...keep on keepin' on.
(above photo: "Rhea, out in the world, gettin' coffee")