"sick"

"Mr. Foster, are you really sick?"

D*VE.

this is just a minor interruption from what i was going to post but this ad is really getting my "goat" (and what does THAT even mean?). and more deeply frustrating is that women are buying into it! it has to do with those annoying D*ve ads - you know, the soap people. don't get me wrong i love D*ve's original bar soap. BUT only because it reminds me of my cool grandmother, Delma who loyally kept a bar of D*ve in her bathroom soap dish (a lovely ceramic mermaid that she cast and painted herself- the soap dish that is). i acutely remember the smell of the soap from every time we washed up after playing with cold grey clay in her basement studio. i also remember her washing my poison ivy infested arms with this soap lathered on a soft cotton washcloth. i'm still not sure this was such a great remedy that was followed with dabbing pink chalky calamine lotion soaked cotton balls over the oozing freshly washed blisters. but she was gentle about it.

anyway back to these ads... what the f*ck?! i don't need some mediocre soap company telling me how cool and beautiful old age is. hell, i have absolutely no desire to be any age other that what i am- 43!!! and i'm looking forward to however many years are ahead of me. and with all of my age spots, moles, wrinkles, a head of grey hair, and "old age" ailments i'm proud of it ALL. and the funny thing is if women FEEL "old" just because they have these qualities it's ONLY because commercials and other forms of product advertisements and media have brainwashed them into THINKING they are old, washed-up, aesthetically worthless, unattractive flesh that needs to make every effort to look 20-30 years old again- just like D*ve has done in the past with all of their teeny bopper looking models. if any one is impressed with these commercials it is clearly an example that folks just don't have a handle on how brainwashed and manipulated they've become. do we need to see ANY women including mature, naked women on television and in magazines in order to ACCEPT, RESPECT and ADMIRE them? it's clearly a transparent system and the trickery, i hope like hell, becomes apparent very soon. it's so insulting. i can't wait for a red carpet celebrity or product endorsement to give me permission to feel beautiful and worthy while wearing little or no make-up, walking around with naturally grey locks, comfortable shoes and flaunting my single breastedness. until then i'll go wait in a goddamn cave and rot for a few thousand goddamn more years feeling like a socially unacceptable outcast loser. HA!

to HELL with hair dye, face potions and needing to get naked to be accepted as a productive, thriving, equal participant in this goddamn shallow society.

VOTE!

i've been working on several garments for RHEA BELLE and REBEL COO as well as a few "writings" to post here so i've been a wee bit busy and productively distracted. But in the meantime, before i unveil all of that, i want to encourage you to get over to SK*RT and vote for Rebel1in8 by clicking "love it". the amazing force known as pussyg/the cat lady has posted a shining introduction to Rebel1in8.

my campaign for your vote isn't about capital gain but a strong desire to spread the power of information, integrity and social observation. i think if i had to sum up the backbone for Rebel1in8 those three things would definitely be in there.

the following quote is from a powerful comment left on my RHEA BELLE clothing set by Soft Serve Girl:

"I am moved beyond belief. As a cancer survivor myself, and a woman who has had reconstruction, the thought of NOT reconstructed never entered my consideration as the doctor's didn't even talk about it as an option! I feel betrayed to an extent that the male surgeon didn't tell me it was OK to go with one breast. Not that I shouldn't have known it for myself, but when you have 10 days between diagnosis and surgery, that's a lot of crap to deal with because all you are thinking about is SURVIVAL. Would I do it differently? I don't know...perhaps my path was to be a spirit whose chest was reconstructed as an example, for we are all examples of survivorship with our without our breasts. Either way we all have scars, and those scars speak a multitudes of languages. Bless you and your cool designs!!!"

Rebel Coo...

i had a joyfully full day today hanging out with my dear friend Isabel and her 10 month old daughter Lucia. we took the subway to an estate in the bronx called Wave Hill. an incredibly beautiful area with rolling hills, voluptuous trees and tamed gardens. we had lunch on a terrace overlooking the hudson and then ventured within the gardens to romp in the grass with Lucia. we were there for hours talking, watching, singing silly songs and making kazoo sounds through stretched grass between my thumbs.

i purchased a set of five onesies for Lucia with the intention of making comfortable little dresses with my fabric scraps from the Rhea Belle clothing. i succeeded and was giddy to give them to her knowing that Isabel would be thrilled. and she was. Lucia, well, putting on clothes isn't her favorite thing. taking her clothes off is pretty easy- it's getting them back on. these are the first three. i have to make an adjustment to the one with the full skirt- it's too tight at the waste to go over her shoulders/arms comfortably. i'm going to open the side and either install a zipper or a fun button.

Isabel came up with the name "Rebel Coo" as we discussed the possibilities of selling the dresses. they are so easy and the concept to offer them through Rebel1in8 flowed from a river of conversations surrounding the ideals and social constructs that both bind and guide young women. i love Lucia. she's an amazing human being already- she's kind, sharing, thoughtful, social and for 10 months old she has a fantastic sense of humor. she gives me a hardy laugh when i make the ugliest faces at her. i mentioned to Isabel that i was very conscious of the number of times i wanted to say "you're so adorable" or "you're so beautiful" when i looked at Lucia. i don't want to be one of those people that defines and praises a young girl for her looks- although i'm referring more to her disposition. i'm convinced that self confidence, integrity and body image starts at a very young age. at 10 months? probably not. but who really knows? at any rate, i do like the idea of making very comfy dresses made only from scraps to crawl and run around in. and when these little dresses economically support Rhea Belle clothing i'll like em' even more! so keep an eye out in my etsy store for Rebel Coo... and select Rhea Belle garments , too.

the color of sun dress.

pure asymmetry embraced by yellow. my all time favorite color. three light cotton comfy low v-neck t-shirts evolved into this dress. one and a half shirts created the top. a third shirt created the bottom portion of the dress while the other half of the second shirt gave birth to two triangles for flare. this dress is great over jeans, leggings, long shorts or even a nice light-airy skirt. it is super comfortable, cool and saucy.

This incredibly comfortable t-shirt embraces asymmetry with the re-invention of the v-neck and cries of rebellion. When I wear the one that I made for myself I feel as if I'm walking down the street with a body covered in beautiful tattoos and piercings- empowered by my decision to go against the grain, upstream and naturally asymmetrical. It is my sharp intention to carve a wide path into the world that makes it clear that these bodies are out there and are here to thrive in glorious fashion and comfort.

See Rhea Belle.

the leah summer dress.

named after my grandmother because the beautifully light and cool floral fabric reminds me of her. again, this dress was created with three light cotton shirts. i just love the draping of a summer cowl neck. i let this one hang off the shoulder at one side (or the other). the fabric can be pulled off of both shoulders for a more glamorous look or simply cooler-refreshing experience. another great thing about my dresses that are made with stretchy-comfy shirts is that they ca be gathered at the waste or pulled down over the hips for a more fitted look. the airy floral fabric for the front and back panels was a delightful find... and i'm not givin' that source up.

See Rhea Belle.

tulips and eggshells.

comment to "The Breastless Debate".

If this conservative, oppressive, misguided society in which I live in can get away with shoving it's mainstream-shallow-ideals of how a woman's body should look in my face then I have the right to shove these unmeasured thoughtful words back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said to myself- “this wasn’t a political decision- a statement maker”. The decision to walk the earth without a fake breast was a simple one based on my own personal ideologies and tolerances. However, I am wiling to admit that I am living in a “sociosexual” bombarded/guided society and that any decision about my body and how I “display” myself in the world is informed by my reactions to the society in which I live. I make every effort to guide my inner dialogue with clarity and honesty and to make sure there are no conflicts within my language. I don’t say things like “I wanted to look, feel normal” like so many women with implants and prosthesis say. I don’t suggest that I “disposed of my vanity after my mastectomy” like I’ve read from a woman under-going breast reconstruction. There is nothing normal feeling/looking or vanity-free about breast reconstruction or prostheses. Socially- yes these bodies look normal because clothing aids as a buffer. Naked and alone with the truth exposed, the trickery fails. If we can’t all agree on that then someone is kidding themselves. There is a massive refusal to admit the raw truth behind what supports our decisions as we design our bodies and socially conscious selves after a single or bi-lateral mastectomy. If there is indeed some degree of a sociosexual statement to be perceived from the simple act of refusing anything fake in/on my body then so be it. But no one should misguide themselves and believe, not even a mere comforting second, that the decision to have an implant or two or to wear a prosthesis is not PURELY a socially and/or sexually driven act.

We must all thoughtfully, truthfully clarify our language and acknowledge the very real pressures that surround the manipulation of our bodies- physically and socially. Until women can look in the mirror and empower themselves with their own deep truths, without prejudice and judgment, the continued deception of who or what guides our decisions will be the fist that pummels us more deeply into the depths of what seems like, bottomless oppression.

I'm sick of the implication that moving forward without reconstruction or a prosthesis is the inferior solution. The medical arena as well as the government makes sure we have complete access to and financial support for reconstructive surgery. Amoena provides a "better quality of life" and Nearly You makes sure that we can get the perfect $300+ prosthesis and all the swim wear and bras our little hearts desire. But try to find one- JUST ONE single cup bra (besides the one I made!) or garment that embraces the body with one or no breast. Mainstream America's obsession to look normal and/or deny our own mortality by acts of deception forces women who don't buy into these illusions to find resolve in granny shawls, over-sized t-shirts, dart-less garments, speedos and/or diving gear. I had a breast removed. NOT my damn sense of style!

It could not be more blatant that society wants to deny that these single or no-breasted bodies exist in hopes that eventually we will join the masses- "faking it" while in the peaceful, quiet folds of a pretty, soft, cozy big fat pink ribbon.

"Prosthesis offers that empty comfort of 'Nobody will know the difference'. But it is that very difference which I wish to affirm, because I have lived it, and survived it, and wish to share that strength with other women. If we are to translate the silence surrounding breast cancer into language and action against this scourge, then the first step is that women with mastectomies become visible to each other. For silence and invisibility go hand in hand with powerlessness."
Audre Lorde, "The Cancer Journals", 1980
(Chapter III, "Breast Cancer: Power vs. Prosthesis")

and mere observations here.