a pause from anger.

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i'm reading this. and liking it very very much.

i'm outta here...

I'm on vacation indefinitely. In other words... "GONE SWIMMIN".

angry. anger. and grace.

i am angry these days. there's not an hour that goes by in a day that is empty for even a minute of it. (well, perhaps there are a few.) i sometimes wake up confronted with a fight on my mind- there's plenty to be fought. normally, i would try to "heal it", rise above it, go around it, slip under it or push through it. but these days, it lingers. and i let it. i let it remain and thrive because i now stand firm that anger is passion at it's best. good things have come from it. i will spare a punch and let it live through art, poetry, words and most importantly i will let it thrive and consume my behavior and my actions towards things i believe in. there's a long list of battles and if you think there are non to be fought you are either dead or simply not paying attention. i don't need to be calmed and the only meditation i need is to ponder my next graceful move.

(this is how i'm feeling today, anyway.)

words. and tolerance.

The following are quotes that I've heard this weekend. No kidding.

This was said to a friend of mine after she informed a friend of her upcoming bi-lateral mastectomy:

"I hope you're going to have reconstruction- a woman at my gym had a mastectomy without reconstruction and she's always 'in your face' about it."

This was said to my sister today while she was telling a neighbor about my Rhea Belle clothing.

"Oh, your sister didn't have reconstruction? I know a young woman in her thirties that had a mastectomy. She HAD to get reconstruction because she's young and beautiful."

It's a really good thing both of these ideas were not expressed to me. Just an FYI when talking to me... if you can dish it out- you better be able to take it. (And stand beyond arms reach, just in case.) BTW: I live in the supposed liberal, hip/cool, intellectual, cultural, anything-goes New York City... and actually I've learned over the years- sometimes, it's anything but.

work clothes and antisymmetry.

These garments are just a few of the ones I'm wearing to my new 9-5. Some days I feel like playing, some days I don't- some days, like everybody else, I want to reveal, other days I want to buffer, balance and blend.

"Sew", I pinch, pleated and stitched with black diamond rhinestones... and all is balanced with night stars, falling ties and tied bows, snaps and a belted singing bird.


My friend Kim shed new light on asymmetry...

"Rebel:

The etymology of asymmetric is asymmetria: lack of proportion, from aymmetros: ill-proportioned
asymmetric means:
1: not symmetrical

On the other hand antisymmetric means:
relating to or being a relation that implies equality of any two quantities for which it holds in both directions
mathematically antisemmetric means:
A quantity which changes sign when indices are reversed.

I have been thinking of this because I was going to call you the queen of asymmetry, but now I am thinking the more proper definition would be the antisymmetric queen. You have such a command on bringing beauty out of what is expected not to be beautiful.
Symmetry:
1: balanced proportions; also : beauty of form arising from balanced proportions

You don’t fill “lack of proportion” or sculpt “ill-proportion”. Instead you take the eye and provide the brain with a complex relation between fabric and body that is

Like redefining equal (=). Swiping previous volumetric and linear definitions of “symmetry” out of sight and replacing it with curvi-linear functions that connect the curve of the shoulder to that of the opposite hip or the collar bone to the fingertip. Things that should be together, but don’t necessarily line up orthogonally.

Symmetry:
2: having corresponding points whose connecting lines are bisected by a given point or perpendicularly bisected by a given line or plane This one was for the irony. “perpendicular bisect”-ion should not be in the same line as “curves”."

offerings, politics and poetics. the conclusion.

Less fabric and draping. A snip there and rip-it-out there. And happily all padding-and-pockets-free with support in the right places while comfort reins! Now THIS is a wearable, comfortable and practical "post-mastectomy" bathing suit! (continued from)

More comments here...

offerings, politics and poetics cont'.

This lil' review of the pictured Lands' End swimsuit is continued from "offerings, politics and poetics". Please jump over there to catch up... unless you're already up-to-date, it might be a good idea to familiarize yourself with this exchange.

I am really grateful to the Lands' End marketing rep for sending this swimsuit (Item #28066-1AJ5) to me to sample for her. The suit I received seems a bit different from the one advertised with more excessive draping of the front fabric. But it is certainly cool beach/pool gear- the style and cut are indeed a bit retro and fun. But while the style is appealing the body-shaping-hugging fabric/design seems a bit breathtakingly tight with perhaps 'too much' style over comfort for a hot day at the beach for someone who is ACTIVE and not just sunning poolside. And I usually prefer something made of cotton or at least a cotton blend. But we'll see.

The Lands' End marketing representative promised that "For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option."

Anyway, as I expected this post-mastectomy swimsuit is hardly an ideal option for someone who wants to go to the pool or beach "prosthesis-free". As you can see in the photos with the suit on Rhea, a one-breasted mannequin (there is no right breast) the puffy empty side is awkwardly asymmetrical and pulled somewhat flat- and not by thoughtful, conceptual aesthetic design. The last thing I want is to appear like I'm wearing a bathing suit that is intended for another body and I've desperately resolved to wearing this one for whatever reason - including the KNOWN reason that there ISN'T a bathing suit made for my body. Also, as you can see in the second photo, if the empty cup is even barely touched it pushes/smushes in, unveiling a "missing" form beneath this architectural disguise. There is ample support for the "breasted" side but the extra padding/pocket and fabric for a prosthesis makes this side, too, feel a bit unnecessarily "enhanced". Plus, because both sides are shaped and designed for a prosthesis both sides demand a certain sized breast or prosthesis to fill them up... and my breast just doesn't fill the left side amply- thus it, too, is smushable for this reason. There is also a rigid, stiff, pokey devise sewn into each side of the suit at the underarm/torso area (3/8" x 4") that appears to serve to shape and support the sides/fabric- but it is uncomfortable and itchy. The back of this swimsuit, however, is nice indeed.

A note: One thing that annoys me to no end is that, like most other marketers and/or manufacturers of mastectomy swim wear and bras, is that they use two-breasted women in their advertisements. A two-breasted woman would not be shopping for a post-mastectomy swimsuit with prostheses pockets! It is quite obvious that the woman wearing the swimsuit that I chose has NOT had a mastectomy on either side. I believe this is mis-representation of how the apparel will actually fit the intended client and her prosthesis. I could go into detail of how I can tell but women who have actually had a mastectomy without reconstruction know what I'm talking about. To see a two-breasted-never-had-a-mastectomy woman in these suits is a tad-bit offensive. But bear in mind- this is just a note. If I'm wrong about these models- please, let me know otherwise.

I have some work to do to this suit but there are definitely some possibilities to transform it into wearable pool/beach gear for a one-breasted woman like myself. I plan to start cutting and sewing this week so please stay tuned...