angry. anger. and grace.

i am angry these days. there's not an hour that goes by in a day that is empty for even a minute of it. (well, perhaps there are a few.) i sometimes wake up confronted with a fight on my mind- there's plenty to be fought. normally, i would try to "heal it", rise above it, go around it, slip under it or push through it. but these days, it lingers. and i let it. i let it remain and thrive because i now stand firm that anger is passion at it's best. good things have come from it. i will spare a punch and let it live through art, poetry, words and most importantly i will let it thrive and consume my behavior and my actions towards things i believe in. there's a long list of battles and if you think there are non to be fought you are either dead or simply not paying attention. i don't need to be calmed and the only meditation i need is to ponder my next graceful move.

(this is how i'm feeling today, anyway.)

words. and tolerance.

The following are quotes that I've heard this weekend. No kidding.

This was said to a friend of mine after she informed a friend of her upcoming bi-lateral mastectomy:

"I hope you're going to have reconstruction- a woman at my gym had a mastectomy without reconstruction and she's always 'in your face' about it."

This was said to my sister today while she was telling a neighbor about my Rhea Belle clothing.

"Oh, your sister didn't have reconstruction? I know a young woman in her thirties that had a mastectomy. She HAD to get reconstruction because she's young and beautiful."

It's a really good thing both of these ideas were not expressed to me. Just an FYI when talking to me... if you can dish it out- you better be able to take it. (And stand beyond arms reach, just in case.) BTW: I live in the supposed liberal, hip/cool, intellectual, cultural, anything-goes New York City... and actually I've learned over the years- sometimes, it's anything but.

work clothes and antisymmetry.

These garments are just a few of the ones I'm wearing to my new 9-5. Some days I feel like playing, some days I don't- some days, like everybody else, I want to reveal, other days I want to buffer, balance and blend.

"Sew", I pinch, pleated and stitched with black diamond rhinestones... and all is balanced with night stars, falling ties and tied bows, snaps and a belted singing bird.


My friend Kim shed new light on asymmetry...

"Rebel:

The etymology of asymmetric is asymmetria: lack of proportion, from aymmetros: ill-proportioned
asymmetric means:
1: not symmetrical

On the other hand antisymmetric means:
relating to or being a relation that implies equality of any two quantities for which it holds in both directions
mathematically antisemmetric means:
A quantity which changes sign when indices are reversed.

I have been thinking of this because I was going to call you the queen of asymmetry, but now I am thinking the more proper definition would be the antisymmetric queen. You have such a command on bringing beauty out of what is expected not to be beautiful.
Symmetry:
1: balanced proportions; also : beauty of form arising from balanced proportions

You don’t fill “lack of proportion” or sculpt “ill-proportion”. Instead you take the eye and provide the brain with a complex relation between fabric and body that is

Like redefining equal (=). Swiping previous volumetric and linear definitions of “symmetry” out of sight and replacing it with curvi-linear functions that connect the curve of the shoulder to that of the opposite hip or the collar bone to the fingertip. Things that should be together, but don’t necessarily line up orthogonally.

Symmetry:
2: having corresponding points whose connecting lines are bisected by a given point or perpendicularly bisected by a given line or plane This one was for the irony. “perpendicular bisect”-ion should not be in the same line as “curves”."

offerings, politics and poetics. the conclusion.

Less fabric and draping. A snip there and rip-it-out there. And happily all padding-and-pockets-free with support in the right places while comfort reins! Now THIS is a wearable, comfortable and practical "post-mastectomy" bathing suit! (continued from)

More comments here...

offerings, politics and poetics cont'.

This lil' review of the pictured Lands' End swimsuit is continued from "offerings, politics and poetics". Please jump over there to catch up... unless you're already up-to-date, it might be a good idea to familiarize yourself with this exchange.

I am really grateful to the Lands' End marketing rep for sending this swimsuit (Item #28066-1AJ5) to me to sample for her. The suit I received seems a bit different from the one advertised with more excessive draping of the front fabric. But it is certainly cool beach/pool gear- the style and cut are indeed a bit retro and fun. But while the style is appealing the body-shaping-hugging fabric/design seems a bit breathtakingly tight with perhaps 'too much' style over comfort for a hot day at the beach for someone who is ACTIVE and not just sunning poolside. And I usually prefer something made of cotton or at least a cotton blend. But we'll see.

The Lands' End marketing representative promised that "For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option."

Anyway, as I expected this post-mastectomy swimsuit is hardly an ideal option for someone who wants to go to the pool or beach "prosthesis-free". As you can see in the photos with the suit on Rhea, a one-breasted mannequin (there is no right breast) the puffy empty side is awkwardly asymmetrical and pulled somewhat flat- and not by thoughtful, conceptual aesthetic design. The last thing I want is to appear like I'm wearing a bathing suit that is intended for another body and I've desperately resolved to wearing this one for whatever reason - including the KNOWN reason that there ISN'T a bathing suit made for my body. Also, as you can see in the second photo, if the empty cup is even barely touched it pushes/smushes in, unveiling a "missing" form beneath this architectural disguise. There is ample support for the "breasted" side but the extra padding/pocket and fabric for a prosthesis makes this side, too, feel a bit unnecessarily "enhanced". Plus, because both sides are shaped and designed for a prosthesis both sides demand a certain sized breast or prosthesis to fill them up... and my breast just doesn't fill the left side amply- thus it, too, is smushable for this reason. There is also a rigid, stiff, pokey devise sewn into each side of the suit at the underarm/torso area (3/8" x 4") that appears to serve to shape and support the sides/fabric- but it is uncomfortable and itchy. The back of this swimsuit, however, is nice indeed.

A note: One thing that annoys me to no end is that, like most other marketers and/or manufacturers of mastectomy swim wear and bras, is that they use two-breasted women in their advertisements. A two-breasted woman would not be shopping for a post-mastectomy swimsuit with prostheses pockets! It is quite obvious that the woman wearing the swimsuit that I chose has NOT had a mastectomy on either side. I believe this is mis-representation of how the apparel will actually fit the intended client and her prosthesis. I could go into detail of how I can tell but women who have actually had a mastectomy without reconstruction know what I'm talking about. To see a two-breasted-never-had-a-mastectomy woman in these suits is a tad-bit offensive. But bear in mind- this is just a note. If I'm wrong about these models- please, let me know otherwise.

I have some work to do to this suit but there are definitely some possibilities to transform it into wearable pool/beach gear for a one-breasted woman like myself. I plan to start cutting and sewing this week so please stay tuned...

offerings, politics and poetics.

(photo: Rhea in the light of day.)

sharing a dialogue
unveiling the views
digging for poetics

and all the while

in a single breasted
or breast-less world...
the ocean awaits.

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

My name is *** I work for *** on behalf of our client, Lands' End. I recently saw your post on post-mastectomy winter clothing and thought you and your readers may be interested in the mastectomy swimwear line from Lands’ End, since summer is right around the corner.

You can view the line here.

Lands’ End mastectomy swimwear is made to help women feel feminine and confident while participating in all summer activities:

All suits are designed with a soft cup bra for additional support.

The bra and liner hold the prosthesis in place with a durable under-bra elastic band to provide free range of motion, maximum comfort and the ultimate confidence on the beach.

Each suit is constructed to hold one or two breast prostheses.

All suits are feminine, expertly made and of course, beautiful as they flatter all figures.

If you’re interested, we can conduct a product giveaway for your readers or provide you with products for your review.

I'd love the chance to provide you any additional information or answer any of your questions. Please let me know if you're interested.

Best regards,
*** "

*

Hello there ***,
I do appreciate your letter and information. However, I don't think that you are truly familiar with my audience or me and I'm not sure exactly which post you are referring to.

I and most of my loyal readers and clients have not had reconstructive surgery OR embrace the concept/philosophy of using a prosthesis. With this in mind the traditional "post-mastectomy" clothing, bras and swimwear are of no use to us.

Should you ever be interested in representing the growing number of women who are simply embracing their transformed architecture without painful reconstruction or the uncomfortable use of a prosthesis please see my evolving clothing line www.rheabelle.com and we can talk about perhaps expanding my market for these much needed and desired garments.

Kindly,
Jacqueline Skaggs

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

Thank you for your response. The post I was referring to was this one about restructuring Laurie's clothing after her single right side Mastectomy. I also visited the clothing line here which features clothing options for women post-mastectomy. Perhaps I was too general in my first email.

I think it is very inspiring that you offer clothing for women who have chosen not to have reconstructive surgery or use a prosthesis. Lands' End's Mastectomy Swimwear line offers a swimwear option for all women who have had a mastectomy. For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option. I apologize if that was not as clear as it could have been below.

If you or your readers are interested in any Lands' End swim items and/or accessories I would like to offer you use of the following promotion.


Code: SWIM

PIN: 530530530

Expiration: April 17, 2008


Again, thank you for your response and please let me know if I can provide any additional information.


Regards,
*** "

*

***,

How thoughtful of you to respond to my letter. Perhaps I didn't give the swimwear appropriate consideration. You are certainly right that the swimwear could be enjoyed without a prosthesis- though I would be concerned that the "empty" cup would appear puffy and vulnerable to being smushed in. I do love the fabrics and the styles are actually quite "fashionable".

I am very honest and informative with my readers and I think any discourse/dialogue surrounding the politics of fashion after a breast cancer surgery is very important. With this in mind I will post our email conversations (I won't use your personal or company name, of course) along with the promotional offer- thank you very much for that.

All the best,
Jacqueline

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

If you want, we could send a suit so that you can provide your readers with first hand experience. You can view the line here. Just pick a suit that you like and send me your size and shipping information and we can get one sent over right away. Does that interest you?

Thanks!
*** "

*

WOW! Do you mean a "complimentary" suit?

*

"Yes exactly!"

*

THANK YOU!!! I'm at work (lunch at my desk) and my monitor can be seen by the entire office (new job)- no one knows my med history (just yet) and I don't want to be seen looking at pm suits- (social politics-sigh). But I will certainly view them this evening and choose one!!!

How thoughtful! AND interactive!!! This discourse exchange is so necessary and important! I'll certainly review the suit on my blog. I plan to post our conversations tonight (last night got away from me) and it will be cool to continue with a review...

Kindly,
Jacqueline

*

"Wonderful! (I definitely understand the new job social politics)... I will send your suit choice in on Monday so we can get it to you right away.

Have a wonderful weekend and talk to you soon!
*** "

*
note:
Truth be told...
In an effort to embrace the offer I've looked at my options. And looked some more. I think I've discovered a suit from the "post-mastectomy" category with a good cut... to renovate in a Rhea Belle kind of way. But clearly. Clearly. These suits are made for women who would prefer to fake it (I just can't think of a better, more political term to use here)- with generous padding, shaped cups and a structural/architectural design created more for the two-breasted body. Ideologically, philosophically, intellectually and even poetically I simply can not embrace the idea of the padding or prosthesis pockets. So I'll most likely remove it all. There are indeed some very cool and classically designed bathing suits in the "two-breasted" choices. And considering of the 216 suits available only 14 are "post-mastectomy" I did see several other suits that were not in the "post-mastectomy" category that I also liked, perhaps even better. But we'll start with the one I've chosen. I'll keep you posted on the renovations... if they're even necessary. I am certain they will be.

I've chosen Item #28066-1AJ5. I like the classic style- the kind that doesn't look like I'm wearing my underwear to the beach. And it's the kind of cut that when I dive, summer-salt underwater, wrestle with John or tossing the nerf I won't be pulling fabric out of my crack when I wade back to the sand. I've never exposed a whole lot of skin while swimming and haven't owned a two-piece since forever. I do wish this suit came in a funner fabric- I also like the the version that's NOT in the "post-mastectomy" category but I don't think it's an option. If Lands' End were on the ball they'd be designing these suits for our transformed bodies in fabulously printed and thoughtfully designed fabrics to balance/compliment our asymmetrical architecture without unnecessary padding and pockets.

I'll keep you posted...

*

hello there ***,

how about suit #28066-1aj5 size 8 in black.

is it too late to take you up on the offer?

*

"nope not at all! I will place the order and be in touch soon to let you know when it will arrive. Also, if you want to giveaway a gift card to one of your readers we can do that as well. You can set up the giveaway how ever you like, and then just send me the winners information and we will take it from there.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks!
*** "

*

thank you!!! have you seen my recent post at my blog. i am writing an honest and "true to myself" documentation of our dialogue. i do hope there are no objections on your end... please let me know! when i get home tonight i'll add something about the "give-away". THANK YOU for what i believe is an essential collaboration of ideologies- a marriage of different minds- solidarity!

jacqueline

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

I read the post and I think it sounds great. I hope you enjoy the suit and find it fits nicely. I will be placing your order today hopefully, so you should have it by the end of the week or Monday at the latest. Stay tuned!"

*

note: a pause for reflection and observation.

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

I just wanted to let you know that I have placed your suit order and you should receive it early next week. Let me know if it doesn't come.

Thanks!

*

a wordless narrative.

prelude. continues...
















to be continued.