rebel one in eight

i'm back.

2011-09-08T23:41:00.001-04:00

just give me a minute to get situated.

coming out of the woodwork.

2009-08-02T17:01:00.007-04:00

Rhea Belle apparel will be featured in the September issue of Women and Cancer Magazine. An editor admitted that they have never addressed the population of women who decide against reconstructive surgery after a mastectomy. This article will be the first to not only introduce this innovative clothing line but the refreshing personal and social ideologies that gave birth to their design and brave existence.

photo: the Rhea Belle songbird capelet dress/tunic.

love and death.

2009-04-22T12:53:00.004-04:00

are
2 lil'
love birds
sittin'
in
a tree
k
i
s
s
i
n
g
.

between friends. and delicious honesty.

2009-04-09T21:05:00.005-04:00

(an email from a friend)
If you feel like it, would you add your comments to this one? I know it's a painful post to read:

Comparing Our Grief Credentials
http://www.assertivepatient.com/2009/04/comparing-our-grief-credentials.html

Thanks,
Jeanne

*

jeanne,
i can't bear to read anything painful. so i won't. i will keep in touch with friends but staying away from blogs that deal with cancer- i feel like it hi-jacked 9 years of my life. finally dealing with it ...
i hope you understand.

love you, jeanne!
jac

*

Jacqueline--thank you for letting me know. Please do keep in touch with me when you feel you can--our friendship is NOT about cancer. Not anymore.

Much love to you.
Jeanne

freaks. friends. and rebels.

2009-03-04T20:18:00.006-05:00

ilo

a conversation between two kindred spirits...

Laurie
December 14 at 1:23pm
"It seems like it's a given that every woman who has had a mastectomy wants reconstruction. A given that you would put yourself through major, potentially dangerous surgery that is not guaranteed to provide the results you want. And then women are crushed when the surgery does not restore their breasts.
Me? I just want a decent bra. ;-)
love,
L.
p.s.: you are still my hero."

me (Jacqueline)
December 14 at 1:37pm
"i really don't know what i'd do without you. really.

i need to name the bra. all the words i/we have thought of have been used or the domain is taken. so i'm starting fresh. i have, in my head, a tone that id like to convey and think i should just make a list of adjectives and such. i'll keep you posted/share the list- but if anything pops into your mind- please do tell.

xo
jac."

me
December 14 at 1:41pm
"... i did have friend say once- who has never faced the experience...

"most women have reconstruction don't they? well, unless they're older, right?"

sigh."

Laurie
December 14 at 1:44pm
"Tomorrow, when the house is quiet, I will do some brainstorming.

And I find the whole reconstruction thing so frustrating. It seems that reconstruction is pretty much presented as just part of treatment for most women. Pisses me off."

me
December 14 at 1:56pm
"...it just seems like this bra needs to be out there- i mean OUT there. it will take a major launch and i want to do it myself- just not sure how.

yes, that concept of the recon being a part of the mastectomy experience also means that all the painful suffering and disappointment is "all a part of it" too.

i'm just overwhelmed and also a bit pissed off that this bra wasn't designed a long time ago and something we could pick up at target or victorias secret.

i'm planning a website just for the bra/launch. it will mean just forwading the word- maybe youtube, facebook, myspace, etc.

i've placed text on my blog to get things going..."

me
December 14 at 1:56pm
"talking to you helps SO much."

Laurie
December 15 at 2:55pm
"i like the text very much. and i know what you mean - if i even want a traditional mastectomy bra have to go out to some dusty corner of a suburban strip mall.
i do get my bras at target. they are sports bras and they come in all kinds of colours. they don't on the other hand, provide that much support...change needs to happen and i think that by being who we are, we help with that. if you weren't out there, I would feel like such a freak.
love,
L."

me
December 15 at 9:23pm
"it so funny you used the word "freak". i have always been reluctant to say it... although i think it a lot. especially when i get the feeling i'm on an island... one breasted and alone. ha!

and then i realize that i feel like a freak ONLY in the context of the oppressive "norms"- and the idea that reconstruction makes more social sense- but that's about it.

i'm SO lucky to have you in my world."

Laurie
December 19 at 12:58pm
"i feel the same way about you.

and i am on that one-breasted island with you!!!

much, much love-
L. xoxo"

Introducing Jen and Karen. a vision. and sensuality.

2009-03-02T20:22:00.001-05:00

view details of a studio visit. designs by Jennifer Hartley and Karen Zaitzeff. 03.01.09

from the designers...

Jen and Karen are a made to measure design pair who live and work in New York City. Lending their effortless aesthetic to a select circle for two years now. They have attracted a loyal ever-growing clientele who affectionately hound the low-key pair for any injection of their perverse elegant style they can get. Jen and Karen have for the first time opened up their fantastic world with a limited offering exclusively to Rhea Belle apparel.

Inspired by the grace and innovation of Rhea Belle founder/head designer Jacqueline Skaggs, Jen and Karen were honored when approached to pioneer a collaborative effort, which is to become a new facet of Jacqueline’s burgeoning vision. Having researched the idea of a reshaped female silhouette the pair were excited to explore where the sensuality of this futuristic woman lies. They were not surprised that what they found brought them back to one of their long running mantras. Sensuality has no standard. Proud of that and in very familiar territory the two embarked upon a design journey that produced the creations we now have as Jen and Karen for the Rebel, Rhea Belle apparel.

photographs by Gwendolyn C. Skaggs

coming soon...

2009-02-28T12:57:00.004-05:00

designs created by 'Jen and Karen' exclusively for Rhea Belle apparel.

it's 2009.

2009-01-10T13:06:00.005-05:00

may i NOT think, or HAVE to think about cancer this year. after a few upcoming january test/mri's and a february mammo it will be my 5 year mark. we'll cross our fingers that i pass this mind blasting mythological barrier as a beautifully illusioned member of the glorified cancer free crowd for fucking EVER!

although i did hear that my lifeline splits. and i don't think it's always been that way. not sure what that means.

life is beautiful though. my 2009 horoscope could not be more perfection...

the new lieu.

2009-01-04T01:14:00.003-05:00

ilo

we'll start with words.

2008-12-14T12:36:00.002-05:00

coming out of the woodwork.

2008-12-10T16:49:00.007-05:00

an email that was sent to me:

"Jacqueline,

Given the market you're addressing with your clothing/jewelry, do you have any information or a resource for statistics on the number of women who have mastectomies who do/do not elect to have reconstruction? I have found incidence rates for breast cancer diagnosis & survivors online, but nothing that would come up with a number of women who are missing one or two breasts.

After corresponding with you the other day I've come up with a couple of additional ideas that might be of interest to women who do wear prostheses. I still don't see any major production (but you never know!), but am trying to get a feel for the market.

I credit seeing your site along with Breast Free's in helping me take a more creative look at how I deal with living life with one breast. I think it's pushed me beyond the "detachment" phase of grieving the loss."

MY RESPONSE:

As a matter of fact I did find some stats on "women who have mastectomies who do/do not elect to have reconstruction". It was a while back- over a year ago- and it was on the American Cancer Society's website. I tried to find the information again at another time and couldn't find it. I forget how I searched (what key words) to have found it the first time.

I'll try to find it again- I recall it was kind of vague and not exactly an accurate/educated "statistic"- but a generalization.

I originally gave up looking for this information because I decided it was useless to me anyway. I think I know the reasons it's not gathered more carefully.

Basically the "industry" doesn't want us to be comfortable NOT faking it. If more and more women decided to expose their new bodies and be comfortable with one or no breast- what would that do for "Nearly You" or "Amoena"- not to mention the pockets of plastic surgeons and medical institutions who get millions of $ a year for the reconstruction procedures that follow mastectomies. And NOT to mention that even though there may actually be thousands and thousands of women with similar bodies our society is an oppressive one- making women feel judged and less "woman". Sure it has to do with age to some degree but I have gotten letters from younger women who wanted to go with no reconstruction and they were talked into it by there doctors.

I decided to put my products out there regardless of the stats. Some people simply prefer to follow. Some prefer to lead. I knew that once my clothing and bra were available minds would be opened and women would start questioning traditional ideologies surrounding their bodies. It's not about making a buck for me- it's about integrity and a bit of common sense and leading a revolution... even IF the numbers are small.

turn.

2008-11-15T12:15:00.003-05:00

take turns
turning point
the tide has turned
turning the corner
taking a turn for the best
taking a turn for the worse
turn the clock back
the tables have turned
turns out

(to be continued...)

reflections.

2008-11-13T23:31:00.002-05:00

for a new friend. my words on the surgery.

feed. back.

2008-10-26T15:20:00.007-04:00

the latest for Rhea Belle apparel...

"absolutely love this dress. who says winter requires shades of gray. lightning speed shipping and care taken with packaging! again, what a beautiful concept - loving our bodies in whatever shape they are in."

(MORE HERE! and YES, i'm bragging.)

dark ages.

2008-10-23T21:24:00.010-04:00

"For women who have opted not to undergo reconstruction after a mastectomy, it is vital to get a good breast form and find the right bra, according to personal development and image consultant Judy Fearn.
"This is really worth pursuing," she says. "Keep trying them on until you find the one that works for you. You'll be amazed at the difference it can make to your silhouette and the way you feel about yourself."

(more photos and about the photos.)

on being ageless.

2008-10-19T15:37:00.040-04:00

It is a great essay! But after reading "What would Susan do?" by Matthew Zachary I must note that we should give credit where credit is due. The "think before you pink" project began in 2002 by BREAST CANCER ACTION - one of the leading and growing breast cancer advocacy organizations in the country. Their politics, ideologies and mission transcends ageism and is not limited to a stereotyped 40+ crowd. It's quite bothersome when "young" people (supposedly under 40) stereotype the "non-young" (anyone over 40). GenerationX has ALL generations before them to thank for paving the way for their inventions and attitudes. The only difference between my diagnosis at 36 and my diagnosis at 40 was my age in years- I was the same person. My rebellious, socially inquisitive and ageless disposition will remain throughout my years and GenX will discover this truth themselves one day. After 40 we don't automatically buy into questionable mainstream rallies like the pink ribbon. Neither did my 70+ year old grandmother for that matter when she had breast cancer. Plenty of "young" women support Komen and pink ribbon product consumption (hardcore!- trust me I've talked to some of them). Attend a Susan G. Komen walk and you'll see what I mean. It's not an age/generation thing that makes someone uncomfortable with organizations like Komen or PINK marketing in general. It's a rising social/political conscience issue that's been addressed for years by many women with strong social and feminist views even before GenX when we weren't even so saturated with it. We must all be responsible reporters/writers and not buy into ageism like so many other facets of the media where YOUNG is better. It's the ideologies and politics of rebellious generations before us of all ages that actually gives rise to progress and unveils oppressive ideologies and presents these observations to the next generation. I mean, I'm 44 but my clothing line and website are informing younger women of non-traditional/mainstream choices they didn't think they had. Many of my garments have sold to 25-30 year olds with and without cancer. I'm going to be cool and progressive even at 90! In a world where we require permission by red-carpet celebrities or DOVE soap commercials to be proud of grey hair and wrinkles it's important for those of us, of all ages, with a sensitive social conscience to come together- to be ourselves and embrace our strong voices beyond the boundaries of the number of our living years.

Komen knows exactly what they are doing and their marketing has absolutely everything and nothing to do with age. That's the brilliance of Komen. They're simply a money machine. When many women wrote to Komen and complained about this ad a Komen representative responded by saying the ad was intended to reach a "younger" crowd by using an "image they could relate to". While social and feminist conscience women were enraged even by the response, the signs remained. I'd like to say that Komen is out of touch with the younger crowd but it seems they are not. If we are really out to change the flow of this river we must address the fundamental "wrongs" in these campaigns for "cure/research" and get young people on board with the offensive social/feminine/consumer assault that these campaigns provoke and not just calling "foul" to the superficial by-products of the regime (the pink ribbons and product consumption). And even more importantly we shouldn't ever separate the old from the youth in these battles - you need some of us on board- we're fighting the same battles and we're passionate. To say "We're on our own. And as I like to say, GenX cancer will only be fixed by GenX." is a bit of a stretch.

I personally think all women should read The Cancer Journals by Audre Lorde in order to clearly understand how far we have not come in defining and owning our personal feminine ideologies and our bodies. The PINK thing transcends marketing/disease/body/consumer exploitation. It's simply oppressive and women in the fields of feminist studies, anthropology, socio-political and marketing have been writing about it for years already. Until people educate themselves on HOW we got to this point with disease marketing/exploiting/profiteering via product consumption and the landscape of advertising they will not understand what it will take to change it's course. The Susan G. Komen foundation is not a bad organization. All of the effort and contributiuons they make towards funding research and assiting the econimically challenged/medically under-served population with screening is commendable. For me, it is not only their no holds barred marketing and advertising that I find has much to be desired but their capitalistic conservative political practices are transparent as well. The foundation lobbied against a pro-consumer patient-rights bill in 1999, 2000, and 2001; the bill that the company sponsored is known as "the HMO Bill of Rights." Not to mention they clearly display absolutely no regard or interest in the causes of breast cancer. As the rising rock-star of money making/receiving organizations for the "cause" I wish they'd at least run a more progressive, socially sensitive, feminist sensitive show- stop exploiting our bodies, stop implying breast cancer is all about our breast and not our lives and stop making cancer out to be something we fight, kick and punch... or lose to. Treat us, the consuming public, like intelligent people. We have also only to blame all the companies who participate in "pink product" merchandising at the expense of those fighting breast cancer while pushing their products stamped with a ribbon. For every lid licked, every product labeled at the grocery with a pink ribbon and beyond simply lies a transparent opportunity to make a buck (with usually very little actually going to the "cause") through passive, empty empathy. Every October there's an open invitation to profit from of a disease- someone else's misfortune. The question is not "what would Susan do?"- it would be arrogant to even speculate or imply she would do anything differently than her sister.

Resources from Rebel1in8:

Patient No More: The Politics of Breast Cancer by Sharon Batt

Breast Cancer: Society Shapes an Epidemic by Anne S. Kasper

The Politics of Breast Cancer by Maureen Hogan Casamayou

The Breast Cancer Wars: Hope, Fear, and the Pursuit of a Cure in Twentieth-Century America by Barron H. Lerner

A Darker Ribbon: A Twentieth-Century Story of Breast Cancer, Women, and Their Doctors by Ellen Leopold

Pink Ribbons, Inc by Samantha King

Unravel The Ribbon by Sarah Lochlann Jain

Pink Ribbon Madness.

Welcome to Cancer Land.

Crunch For the Cure.

Awareness and truths.

tis the season (october).

2008-10-02T15:22:00.022-04:00

i'm a bit confused why those that support the big "pink ribbon" agenda always make those that DON'T -seem like haters. it's funny because that's EXACTLY how the marketing works- if you're not out walking, running and consuming for the cause and it's "victims" then you just don't care. god forbid we simply conserve our personal energy by NOT walking and avoid purchasing unnecessary pink products by NOT consuming and give to the charity DIRECTLY. it's all so passive. what happened to genuine compassion without a gift in return of something useless.

i don't hate the pink "campaign"- i loathe it. and not because it over-rides other diseases and causes of death. i loathe it because it is sexist and undermines fundamental feminist issues. it's an oppressive plight that uses bloated old-age feminine ideologies about our bodies and our place in the world to scare women into being "AWARE" at the expense of our integrity while practicing the sweet pleasures of capitalism. yeh, it's a mouth full. it is simply a "fear losing your breast because it has everything to do with who you are". it's a frightening day when some one says with a light, careless air in their voice- it's ok- it's breast cancer- it IS all about the breast, after all.

i've been diagnosed twice with a mastectomy the second time around with no re-construction. my grandmother had breast cancer and a bi-lateral mastectomy (no re-construction) in her 60's and died 20 years later with lung cancer. i move forward in her/our honor by NOT supporting breast cancer organizations that use the disease and women's bodies so carelessly and without a social or feminist conscience. any campaign that uses a headless woman's torso and talks about "save the breast" or "kick it" with vague misleading illusions to bring attention to it's CAUSE is NOT working in MY name or my grandmother's . in other words these organizations do NOT speak for me. we who march to a different drummer certainly are allowed to have and voice our keen socially/politically observant opinions - despite that they may go against the comfy zone of mainstream popularity. but we are far from being "haters".

my fabulous friend and patient advocate Jeanne Sather has some great suggestions on her blog. If you'd like to contribute to the "cause" in a more direct, compassionate way consider the question... "What DO You Want (Instead of a Pink Ribbon)?"

sometimes it doesn't cost a single cent to help the "cause". help low-income medically underserved women by making a simple phone call.

see the right column on this blog- i place some interesting information under "ON PINK".

in the same vain as my opinion "on pink" i design clothing for women who have had a mastectomy and choose NOT to impose society's politics and ideologies on their already traumatized bodies and do not have reconstruction or a wear the blob (aka the prosthesis). it is the very first clothing line to EMBRACE the single breasted or no breasted body... www.rheabelle.etsy.com

de-pink at Rebel1in8

please see "MY TOP RESOURCES" in the right column.

if you live in new york city...

2008-10-02T10:23:00.015-04:00

i highly recommend the play "The Clean House" by Sarah Ruhl. it's currently at the Tisch theater until Sunday, October 5th. get your tickets in advance through smarttix. i don't witness much theater but this play is worth an evening out.

an excerpt:

Ana:
"People talk about cancer like it's this special thing you have a relationship with. And it becomes blood count, biopsy, chemotherapy, radiation, bone marrow, blah blah blah blah blah. As long as I live I want to retain my own language.
Mientras tenga vida, quiero aferrarme mi propio idioma.
No extra hospital words. I don't want to have a relationship with a disease. I want to have a relationship with death. That's important. But to have a relationship with with a disease -- that's some kind of bourgeois invention. And I hate it."

it's a play about discovering/opening your heart for the perfect joke and love. and some stuff in between.

(some costume consultation provided by Rhea Belle apparel.)

what matters.

2008-09-25T01:03:00.008-04:00

it's the rebellions that matter.
despite the powers that be and what some may think.
fight the doubts, the resistance, the opposing grain.
that's what makes a rebellion... a rebellion.

imagine a long commercial
cutting in
on a setting sun.

that's what the days are like.

at the end of the day, though
i try to remember what matters.
my true guides are inside my heart
speaking through the gut
with swords protecting my spirit.
i just keep saying, because it is true

.
.
.
stay close to the believers
the passion getters
the joy seekers
the givers of kindness
and to hell with
those
whose
arrogance
prevents
them
from
sharing
or even
knowing
the
sounds
of
the
drumming
rain.

Truth be told.

2008-09-17T11:38:00.003-04:00

From the Los Angeles Times

Opinion
Palin: wrong woman, wrong message
"Sarah Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Hillary Clinton. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger."

By Gloria Steinem

September 4, 2008

Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.

But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie.

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years' experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked aboutIraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq."

She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain's campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that he doesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God, guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Assn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't just echo McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting for Palin's husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest.

Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women.

And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of the Women's MediaCenter. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supporting Barack Obama.

a new place to gather...

2008-09-03T23:32:00.002-04:00

under THE SONGBIRD BRANCH.

Rhea Belle apparel... the beat goes on.

2008-09-03T11:39:00.003-04:00

i just received the following email today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I received the items I ordered, and I love them -- Now I'm wondering about another...
Thanks again -- Your clothes make me feel so good......
Mary"

a wordless narrative #2.

2008-09-02T20:35:00.004-04:00

a train ride.
towards friends, gregg and marisol.
rich blue skies.
sun kissed wood.
licks and jumping fur.
cool water in evening light.
a love story on a rippling sheet under stars and amidst crickets and birds. and a fire.
chocolate cake and beer. (yes together) after steak and garden greens.
sleep.
and then.
morning swimming. alone. floating. and summersaults.
taking it in.
a puppy named chica.
a smooth sweet flirty dog named chulo.
and elegant maya. 15 years old. sleeping. always. and dreaming of play and running and treats and all the hugs and kisses in foreverville where comfort and endless memories with her cool mama, marisol await her.
and gregg. i wrote a poem for him once. or twice. a friend for life. years ago he walked deep in the woods with me. he, a shovel in his hand. me, my dead cat's body in a back pack. we buried her together. he was the only one near that i trusted. he lost a shoe (a dress shoe at that) down a steep hill while climbing towards the best spot. we buried her on a hill near a stream. i planted poppies. we found his shoe.

and then a train ride back to brooklyn. to "meat".

enjoy the show.

unleashed.

2008-08-29T21:10:00.005-04:00

the new designs have been unleashed. my description for this garment:

NEVER before has a mastectomy garment been offered that actually embraces the transformed body. This dress was designed solely with my body landscape in mind- a single right side mastectomy. The rich raspberry tie gently wraps the flat chocolate terrain- protecting, embracing and empowering it with style. Radical times call for radical measures. Thousands of women walk the sidewalks with post mastectomy bodies hiding them with prosthetics, frumpy over-sized garments and fear. I refused painful, potentially harmful reconstruction and the humility I find in the use of a prosthesis. I'd rather adorn my deserved body with beautiful garments and confidence and this piece is the first to be available for sale with such a brave bold statement.

If you haven't had surgery it's still going to be fabulous on you!!! Just fabulous. Wear it with glorious support for all the women with transformed bodies and spread empowerment. It will be available in other colors soon. But I'm in love with this combo! The wide tie can be made to embrace the left or right side. Please specify upon purchase.

"A reasonable man adapts himself to his environment. An unreasonable man persists in attempting to adapt his environment to suit himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." George Bernard Shaw
***

is this "in your face"? you bet! do i care? what do you think? but i will not let 30+ years go by again and passively sit and wait for "time" to forgive my body politics. i wish Audre Lorde were still with us to perhaps witness a day free from oppressive ideologies and submissive practices based in fear.

i simply don't want to be "nearly me" or "nearly you"

Please pass the knowledge of Rhea Belle apparel around! or go shopping for yourself. it's really not about the sales. it's about unleashing the lovely sweet REBELLION!!!!! a rebellion created for ALL women- so if you ever need to make those hard pressed decisions regarding what to do with your body if diagnosed with breast cancer you'll have choices. choices based in your personal ideologies NOT fear of social rejection.

and i'm not the only one wondering "if thousands of women are having mastectomies a year... where are they? where are "the women like me"?

(i'm wearing this number this weekend. i'll post photos as i'm always getting comments like "let's see YOU in it". so ok. ok already.)

The SONGBIRD BRANCH

2008-08-29T20:29:00.003-04:00

a new project and collaboration with whomever wants to contribute.

a truly historical moment.

2008-08-29T02:57:00.005-04:00

NEVER before has raspberry embraced chocolate... like this.

dreams are contagious. an outbreak...

2008-08-28T10:38:00.006-04:00

Five Ring Circus. a good read!

the view from here.

2008-08-11T20:09:00.004-04:00

i spent the day placing new garments in the rhea belle apparel store with more to come in the next few weeks. some more radical and to the point. it was joyfully bound to happen.

i'm preparing. there's a lot going on with this project including a coffee table book that's in the works that will hi-lite rebel1in8 and rhea belle apparel. it's a collaboration between Privacy Wear and THEME magazine so i anticipate nothing but sheer and uber coolness to come of it. it should be coming out in the fall. i'm not sure i'm suppose to mention any details until it actaully comes out. but be assured that i will keep you posted. also, i was contacted this week by a costume designer working on a play that involves a character who is dealt a breast cancer diagnosis and explores the aftermath of a mastectomy.

in a letter to me she writes "I found your shop while researching post-mastectomy clothes, because I didn't think that the character, Ann, would have used prosthetics. I have to say, your clothes are amazing and the clients' comments should make you feel so proud!!! It's very touching to read the reviews of women whom the clothes helped to feel beautiful and feminine and mainly, themselves again. Thank you!"

through phone correspondence she informed me that the costume designs were inspired by my collection. since no other clothes like mine were found during her research the producer agreed that my website and store will be mentioned in the program at the costume designer's request. a NEW YORK production!!! i have also been invited to provide literature for my website and store in the theater for the audiences. and, of course, i'll be getting free tickets to the show. (after the show opens i will provide the name and location- i have my reasons for not doing so at this time.) geezus, how cool is this!? i'm suppose to receive a copy of the script and designs this week.

...and to top it all off- a certain garment is in the patent process in legal hands as we speak and i should be able to launch/unveil it in the fall. another motto of mine: if you need it and it doesn't exist- miyods! (make it your own damn self) so i did.

do i feel lucky these days? well, i've always said that luck is: simply (or not) being prepared for an opportunity or open door. so yes, i'm feeling lucky. very very lucky. and damn proud of myself for sticking with it.
.
.
.
i'm the revelling rebel

oh, this is BIG!

2008-08-09T10:48:00.007-04:00

Rhea Belle apparel's "stitched atop plum goodness" made it to the front page of Etsy!

and sew it goes.

2008-08-05T23:06:00.027-04:00

i made this shirt/dress sunday afternoon and it's what i'm wearing to work tomorrow. it's pretty radical- especially for the "work place". but sew what! i'll most likely wear it with the tank top underneath it (sunday i wore it without and that was fun). it will be available in the Rhea Belle apparel store very soon. within days even.

a side thought. i have a pretty thick note pad that i use for jotting down ideas, sketches, orders, list of "ta do's" and don'ts and what not- it's one of those with the blue grid lines. anyway, today i was going through it while on the train home from work. i have a pretty big order to place for supplies and i took a break from making the list and began going through the earlier worn and scribbled pages. on one of the pages i found the following words: all in caps because that's how i printed it...

HEALING

THE METAMORPHOSIS OF A ^ CONSCIENCE

FROM WOMAN TO SURVIVOR TO PINK CULT TO AMAZON WARRIOR TO WOMAN

photos by gcs

lines. and when life imitates art.

2008-08-03T15:22:00.012-04:00

when i was house sitting and dog loving for my friends gregg and marisol last winter i started a series of drawings; meandering lines guided in part by play and in part by the obstacles created by their own design. i haven't visited the note book in a while though. last night i had an urgent moment of inspiration and out of the blue i envisioned a solution for a blouse that was given to me by my beyond cool friend tina. instinctively she knew i'd like it and would find a way to make it my own- you know, allow it to take on the life of draping my asymmetrical body. being a central-button-down the front blouse and with beautiful embroidery i didn't want to perform a complete renovation with a lot of cutting and sewing so this blouse has been around a while waiting patiently to serve.

without any procrastination, analysing, or second thoughts i retrieved the blouse from the "waiting" drawer, switched the singer on and began to "draw". i didn't even bother to change the thread that was already in the machine... the white seemed so perfect.

i have several friends who consistently tell me that my art doesn't have to hang on gallery walls to be valid- that my clothing has become my canvas. well, by all accounts i finally, FINALLY am convinced. (geez, i know! it took me long enough.)

(click on the images for larger views. and more drawings here.)

FEEL THE LOVE.

2008-07-26T19:06:00.012-04:00

technically, there are so many things wrong with this dress. it displays some pretty wicked sewing after i cut up and re-arranged a standard button-down-the-front dress. but after the renovation i must say, conceptually, socially and architecturally... it's perfect. i've finally completed my asymmetrical shirt-dress prototype. it's been cut and pinned for over a year. i have a seamstress/pattern maker whom i'm meeting with. if she "gets it" and she shows me some quality stuff that she's made i'm set. i plan to have several asymmetrical blouses and dresses made by fall. and quite possibly i'll have them available in the 'rhea belle apparel' store. the beat does go on.

a newly discovered voice.

2008-07-26T18:00:00.004-04:00

Please, oh please, go discover what goodness awaits you "Under the Stinkwood Tree".

a pause from anger.

2008-07-10T23:46:00.003-04:00

.
.
.
i'm reading this. and liking it very very much.

i'm outta here...

2008-07-06T12:19:00.009-04:00

I'm on vacation indefinitely. In other words... "GONE SWIMMIN".

angry. anger. and grace.

2008-06-24T21:38:00.006-04:00

i am angry these days. there's not an hour that goes by in a day that is empty for even a minute of it. (well, perhaps there are a few.) i sometimes wake up confronted with a fight on my mind- there's plenty to be fought. normally, i would try to "heal it", rise above it, go around it, slip under it or push through it. but these days, it lingers. and i let it. i let it remain and thrive because i now stand firm that anger is passion at it's best. good things have come from it. i will spare a punch and let it live through art, poetry, words and most importantly i will let it thrive and consume my behavior and my actions towards things i believe in. there's a long list of battles and if you think there are non to be fought you are either dead or simply not paying attention. i don't need to be calmed and the only meditation i need is to ponder my next graceful move.

(this is how i'm feeling today, anyway.)

words. and tolerance.

2008-06-08T11:57:00.014-04:00

The following are quotes that I've heard this weekend. No kidding.

This was said to a friend of mine after she informed a friend of her upcoming bi-lateral mastectomy:

"I hope you're going to have reconstruction- a woman at my gym had a mastectomy without reconstruction and she's always 'in your face' about it."

This was said to my sister today while she was telling a neighbor about my Rhea Belle clothing.

"Oh, your sister didn't have reconstruction? I know a young woman in her thirties that had a mastectomy. She HAD to get reconstruction because she's young and beautiful."

It's a really good thing both of these ideas were not expressed to me. Just an FYI when talking to me... if you can dish it out- you better be able to take it. (And stand beyond arms reach, just in case.) BTW: I live in the supposed liberal, hip/cool, intellectual, cultural, anything-goes New York City... and actually I've learned over the years- sometimes, it's anything but.

work clothes and antisymmetry.

2008-05-04T11:10:00.004-04:00

These garments are just a few of the ones I'm wearing to my new 9-5. Some days I feel like playing, some days I don't- some days, like everybody else, I want to reveal, other days I want to buffer, balance and blend.

"Sew", I pinch, pleated and stitched with black diamond rhinestones... and all is balanced with night stars, falling ties and tied bows, snaps and a belted singing bird.

My friend Kim shed new light on asymmetry...

"Rebel:

The etymology of asymmetric is asymmetria: lack of proportion, from aymmetros: ill-proportioned
asymmetric means:
1: not symmetrical

On the other hand antisymmetric means:
relating to or being a relation that implies equality of any two quantities for which it holds in both directions
mathematically antisemmetric means:
A quantity which changes sign when indices are reversed.

I have been thinking of this because I was going to call you the queen of asymmetry, but now I am thinking the more proper definition would be the antisymmetric queen. You have such a command on bringing beauty out of what is expected not to be beautiful.
Symmetry:
1: balanced proportions; also : beauty of form arising from balanced proportions

You don’t fill “lack of proportion” or sculpt “ill-proportion”. Instead you take the eye and provide the brain with a complex relation between fabric and body that is

Like redefining equal (=). Swiping previous volumetric and linear definitions of “symmetry” out of sight and replacing it with curvi-linear functions that connect the curve of the shoulder to that of the opposite hip or the collar bone to the fingertip. Things that should be together, but don’t necessarily line up orthogonally.

Symmetry:
2: having corresponding points whose connecting lines are bisected by a given point or perpendicularly bisected by a given line or plane This one was for the irony. “perpendicular bisect”-ion should not be in the same line as “curves”."

offerings, politics and poetics. the conclusion.

2008-05-01T22:17:00.012-04:00

Less fabric and draping. A snip there and rip-it-out there. And happily all padding-and-pockets-free with support in the right places while comfort reins! Now THIS is a wearable, comfortable and practical "post-mastectomy" bathing suit! (continued from)

More comments here...

offerings, politics and poetics cont'.

2008-04-27T19:53:00.019-04:00

This lil' review of the pictured Lands' End swimsuit is continued from "offerings, politics and poetics". Please jump over there to catch up... unless you're already up-to-date, it might be a good idea to familiarize yourself with this exchange.

I am really grateful to the Lands' End marketing rep for sending this swimsuit (Item #28066-1AJ5) to me to sample for her. The suit I received seems a bit different from the one advertised with more excessive draping of the front fabric. But it is certainly cool beach/pool gear- the style and cut are indeed a bit retro and fun. But while the style is appealing the body-shaping-hugging fabric/design seems a bit breathtakingly tight with perhaps 'too much' style over comfort for a hot day at the beach for someone who is ACTIVE and not just sunning poolside. And I usually prefer something made of cotton or at least a cotton blend. But we'll see.

The Lands' End marketing representative promised that "For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option."

Anyway, as I expected this post-mastectomy swimsuit is hardly an ideal option for someone who wants to go to the pool or beach "prosthesis-free". As you can see in the photos with the suit on Rhea, a one-breasted mannequin (there is no right breast) the puffy empty side is awkwardly asymmetrical and pulled somewhat flat- and not by thoughtful, conceptual aesthetic design. The last thing I want is to appear like I'm wearing a bathing suit that is intended for another body and I've desperately resolved to wearing this one for whatever reason - including the KNOWN reason that there ISN'T a bathing suit made for my body. Also, as you can see in the second photo, if the empty cup is even barely touched it pushes/smushes in, unveiling a "missing" form beneath this architectural disguise. There is ample support for the "breasted" side but the extra padding/pocket and fabric for a prosthesis makes this side, too, feel a bit unnecessarily "enhanced". Plus, because both sides are shaped and designed for a prosthesis both sides demand a certain sized breast or prosthesis to fill them up... and my breast just doesn't fill the left side amply- thus it, too, is smushable for this reason. There is also a rigid, stiff, pokey devise sewn into each side of the suit at the underarm/torso area (3/8" x 4") that appears to serve to shape and support the sides/fabric- but it is uncomfortable and itchy. The back of this swimsuit, however, is nice indeed.

A note: One thing that annoys me to no end is that, like most other marketers and/or manufacturers of mastectomy swim wear and bras, is that they use two-breasted women in their advertisements. A two-breasted woman would not be shopping for a post-mastectomy swimsuit with prostheses pockets! It is quite obvious that the woman wearing the swimsuit that I chose has NOT had a mastectomy on either side. I believe this is mis-representation of how the apparel will actually fit the intended client and her prosthesis. I could go into detail of how I can tell but women who have actually had a mastectomy without reconstruction know what I'm talking about. To see a two-breasted-never-had-a-mastectomy woman in these suits is a tad-bit offensive. But bear in mind- this is just a note. If I'm wrong about these models- please, let me know otherwise.

I have some work to do to this suit but there are definitely some possibilities to transform it into wearable pool/beach gear for a one-breasted woman like myself. I plan to start cutting and sewing this week so please stay tuned...

offerings, politics and poetics.

2008-04-15T21:27:00.033-04:00

(photo: Rhea in the light of day.)

sharing a dialogue
unveiling the views
digging for poetics

and all the while

in a single breasted
or breast-less world...
the ocean awaits.

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

My name is *** I work for *** on behalf of our client, Lands' End. I recently saw your post on post-mastectomy winter clothing and thought you and your readers may be interested in the mastectomy swimwear line from Lands’ End, since summer is right around the corner.

You can view the line here.

Lands’ End mastectomy swimwear is made to help women feel feminine and confident while participating in all summer activities:

All suits are designed with a soft cup bra for additional support.

The bra and liner hold the prosthesis in place with a durable under-bra elastic band to provide free range of motion, maximum comfort and the ultimate confidence on the beach.

Each suit is constructed to hold one or two breast prostheses.

All suits are feminine, expertly made and of course, beautiful as they flatter all figures.

If you’re interested, we can conduct a product giveaway for your readers or provide you with products for your review.

I'd love the chance to provide you any additional information or answer any of your questions. Please let me know if you're interested.

Best regards,
*** "

*

Hello there ***,
I do appreciate your letter and information. However, I don't think that you are truly familiar with my audience or me and I'm not sure exactly which post you are referring to.

I and most of my loyal readers and clients have not had reconstructive surgery OR embrace the concept/philosophy of using a prosthesis. With this in mind the traditional "post-mastectomy" clothing, bras and swimwear are of no use to us.

Should you ever be interested in representing the growing number of women who are simply embracing their transformed architecture without painful reconstruction or the uncomfortable use of a prosthesis please see my evolving clothing line www.rheabelle.com and we can talk about perhaps expanding my market for these much needed and desired garments.

Kindly,
Jacqueline Skaggs

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

Thank you for your response. The post I was referring to was this one about restructuring Laurie's clothing after her single right side Mastectomy. I also visited the clothing line here which features clothing options for women post-mastectomy. Perhaps I was too general in my first email.

I think it is very inspiring that you offer clothing for women who have chosen not to have reconstructive surgery or use a prosthesis. Lands' End's Mastectomy Swimwear line offers a swimwear option for all women who have had a mastectomy. For women who have chosen to use a prosthetic, the bra and liner provides support to hold that in place, however you do not need to have had reconstructive surgery or a prosthetic for this to be a great swim option. I apologize if that was not as clear as it could have been below.

If you or your readers are interested in any Lands' End swim items and/or accessories I would like to offer you use of the following promotion.

Code: SWIM

PIN: 530530530

Expiration: April 17, 2008

Again, thank you for your response and please let me know if I can provide any additional information.

Regards,
*** "

*

***,

How thoughtful of you to respond to my letter. Perhaps I didn't give the swimwear appropriate consideration. You are certainly right that the swimwear could be enjoyed without a prosthesis- though I would be concerned that the "empty" cup would appear puffy and vulnerable to being smushed in. I do love the fabrics and the styles are actually quite "fashionable".

I am very honest and informative with my readers and I think any discourse/dialogue surrounding the politics of fashion after a breast cancer surgery is very important. With this in mind I will post our email conversations (I won't use your personal or company name, of course) along with the promotional offer- thank you very much for that.

All the best,
Jacqueline

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

If you want, we could send a suit so that you can provide your readers with first hand experience. You can view the line here. Just pick a suit that you like and send me your size and shipping information and we can get one sent over right away. Does that interest you?

Thanks!
*** "

*

WOW! Do you mean a "complimentary" suit?

*

"Yes exactly!"

*

THANK YOU!!! I'm at work (lunch at my desk) and my monitor can be seen by the entire office (new job)- no one knows my med history (just yet) and I don't want to be seen looking at pm suits- (social politics-sigh). But I will certainly view them this evening and choose one!!!

How thoughtful! AND interactive!!! This discourse exchange is so necessary and important! I'll certainly review the suit on my blog. I plan to post our conversations tonight (last night got away from me) and it will be cool to continue with a review...

Kindly,
Jacqueline

*

"Wonderful! (I definitely understand the new job social politics)... I will send your suit choice in on Monday so we can get it to you right away.

Have a wonderful weekend and talk to you soon!
*** "

*
note:
Truth be told...
In an effort to embrace the offer I've looked at my options. And looked some more. I think I've discovered a suit from the "post-mastectomy" category with a good cut... to renovate in a Rhea Belle kind of way. But clearly. Clearly. These suits are made for women who would prefer to fake it (I just can't think of a better, more political term to use here)- with generous padding, shaped cups and a structural/architectural design created more for the two-breasted body. Ideologically, philosophically, intellectually and even poetically I simply can not embrace the idea of the padding or prosthesis pockets. So I'll most likely remove it all. There are indeed some very cool and classically designed bathing suits in the "two-breasted" choices. And considering of the 216 suits available only 14 are "post-mastectomy" I did see several other suits that were not in the "post-mastectomy" category that I also liked, perhaps even better. But we'll start with the one I've chosen. I'll keep you posted on the renovations... if they're even necessary. I am certain they will be.

I've chosen Item #28066-1AJ5. I like the classic style- the kind that doesn't look like I'm wearing my underwear to the beach. And it's the kind of cut that when I dive, summer-salt underwater, wrestle with John or tossing the nerf I won't be pulling fabric out of my crack when I wade back to the sand. I've never exposed a whole lot of skin while swimming and haven't owned a two-piece since forever. I do wish this suit came in a funner fabric- I also like the the version that's NOT in the "post-mastectomy" category but I don't think it's an option. If Lands' End were on the ball they'd be designing these suits for our transformed bodies in fabulously printed and thoughtfully designed fabrics to balance/compliment our asymmetrical architecture without unnecessary padding and pockets.

I'll keep you posted...

*

hello there ***,

how about suit #28066-1aj5 size 8 in black.

is it too late to take you up on the offer?

*

"nope not at all! I will place the order and be in touch soon to let you know when it will arrive. Also, if you want to giveaway a gift card to one of your readers we can do that as well. You can set up the giveaway how ever you like, and then just send me the winners information and we will take it from there.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks!
*** "

*

thank you!!! have you seen my recent post at my blog. i am writing an honest and "true to myself" documentation of our dialogue. i do hope there are no objections on your end... please let me know! when i get home tonight i'll add something about the "give-away". THANK YOU for what i believe is an essential collaboration of ideologies- a marriage of different minds- solidarity!

jacqueline

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

I read the post and I think it sounds great. I hope you enjoy the suit and find it fits nicely. I will be placing your order today hopefully, so you should have it by the end of the week or Monday at the latest. Stay tuned!"

*

note: a pause for reflection and observation.

*

"Hi Jacqueline,

I just wanted to let you know that I have placed your suit order and you should receive it early next week. Let me know if it doesn't come.

Thanks!

*

a wordless narrative.

2008-03-17T20:21:00.011-04:00

prelude. continues...

to be continued.

found words and fabric inventions.

2008-03-13T00:08:00.005-04:00

today and
so many clicks
away

from whence i came
i don't remember where

but along the meandering
path
i found
discovered
unveiled

Helen Heath

and

Show Your Workings.

i heart kindness.

2008-03-10T22:46:00.007-04:00

My sister just sent me the following link. My heart went all sorts of ways upon checking it out. This artist's project gives me faith in the potential goodness of the human spirit and in... generosity. selflessness. unconditional thoughtfulness. the creative spirit. the joy of giving. and receiving. I am reminded that kindness is so damn cool I can hardly stand it.

THE HEARTS PROJECT.

Chris Uphues is an artist whose works are currently being exhibited at Alcove, my sister's gallery in the Chelsea art district in New York City.

no. 4

2008-03-07T21:44:00.008-05:00

"objects and silicone" is a series of images that explore objects made of various materials and always includes the $300 unused Amoena silicone breast prosthesis. Each still life embraces the object's forms, surfaces, functions and innate properties. With the unused silicone prosthesis seen separated from a woman's body an avalanche of demystification begins and this object becomes empty of purpose and its emotional and social powers.

Set within a quasi sterile environment the settings are intentionally void of sentimental, romantic light leaving the objects to speak for themselves and to each other. This photographic project is an experiment in observation and the impetus is born from a desire to clarify and unveil a narrative of truth. This impetus exemplifies and remains the fundamental purpose of Rebel1in8.

and the award goes to... !

2008-03-05T17:07:00.006-05:00

Remember the documentary "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies" that I was included in October? Well it has just been awarded an incredibly prestigious acknowledgment. I received the following email from the Senior Producer of the program. It was actually no surprise to me as I knew that Jeela Billimoria performed fabulously in its production.

"WABC TV has just won a Gracie Allen Award from AWRT (American Women for Radio & Television) for last year’s Breast Cancer Special and we thank you for your great help with this Special.

It was in the “Outstanding Public Affairs” category and I think we should be justifiably proud, as we were once again competing in the top 25 markets in the country, and we bagged it.

By the way, this Special also has garnered an Emmy nomination. We’ll keep our fingers crossed on that.

Best,
J

Jeelu Billimoria
Senior Producer
WABC TV"

Just how COOL is that!!!?

the "cleanse". one sunday evening.

2008-03-02T23:43:00.028-05:00

On reconstitution in 1 liter of water, one pouch A and one pouch B provide: PEG-3350, 29.6 mmol/L, Sodium 181.6 mmol/L, Chloride 59.8 mmol/L, Sulfate 52.8 mmol/L, Potassium 14.2 mmol/L, Ascorbate 29.8 mmol/L (say WHAT?)

Directions: The diet that is allowed on the day of the prep (the day before your examination) is clear liquids/juices (popsicles and sodas included), coffee or tea (NO milk or creamers) and plain or vanilla yogurt (no milk but yogurt is ok?). At 6pm mix contents into 1 liter of luke warm water. Every 15 minutes, drink 8oz of the solution until the liter is complete. Drink 16oz of the clear liquid of your choice. At 8pm repeat.

Dose number one (1 Liter) began at 6pm tonight. Dose number two (1 liter), which was suppose to start at 8pm, actually got started at a little after 9pm and didn't end until approximately 11:15pm. Why? you might ask. Well, each 8oz glass of solution was to be taken every 15 minutes apart. But considering it also took me 15-20 minutes to stand around and whine about how disgusting the liquid was between each gulp- it took about one and a half hours to finish each liter. As instructed, I waited a very friendly and generous hour in between each liter while enjoying 16oz of clear liquids of my choice. I had prepared no-pulp orange juice posicles but worried that they weren't CLEAR enough. I opted for bottled water and a ginger ale. After starting liter number two, 28oz of it later and at around 11:15pm the final 4oz were poured down the drain. I simply could not take it anymore. I probably disposed of a total of 6oz throughout the process.

The hard part is over. I've done this before back in 2004 so I know the actual procedure is a breeze. I was placed on a five year screening plan after that one. Upon meeting my new PCP she decided to place me on a three year plan after learning of my brother's colon cancer diagnosis at the age of 52 and my breast cancer history. Yes, I know it's now been four years, not three. I kept putting off making the appointment and then just a few days before the prescription for the consultation expired I called and set one up. I've actually been worried about this screening. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. I won't go into extreme detail except to say that something is either pressing AGAINST my colon or is IN my colon because there is some "sculpting" taking place and that's all I'm going to say. Now, I'm not extruding anything fancy like stars or octagon shapes like a play-doh press. It's not nearly that fun and a lot more simple than that. While I remember my brother saying that he avoided certain known symptoms in an attempt to minimize them away before he finally resigned to the exam that discovered his cancer, I really do believe that it's something a lot less scary that is causing this curious creative symptom/circumstance that began almost a year ago. And waiting so long to make this appointment is a whole other story. One you might know well, even.

It's nearly 1am and I have accomplished the "all clear". And those of you who know- know what I'm talkin' about. My colonoscopy appointment is at 11am tomorrow. I'll meet you back here in the afternoon with the results and a cheeseburger, no! make that chicken panang curry, no! the drunken noodles, no! let's have spinach, garlic and ricotta pizza, no! maybe baked salmon with roasted peppers and mashed potatoes, no! replace the salmon with pork chops... damn I'm hungry!

UPDATE: GOOD NEWS! all is NORMAL!!!

The note written on my post-procedure form by my doctor: "You did great! Just hemorrhoids. Everything was normal." (sorry. that's a little too much info isn't it?)

I explained to her before the procedure that I was expecting no less than an A+ for the cleansing part as I successfully accomplished expelling nothing but clear liquid. Yep, I'm braggin'. So it's internal hemorrhoids and possibly the walnut size hemorrhagic cyst (thats actually almost the size of the ovary) on my left ovary and small fibroids on my inverted uterus that are causing pressure on my colon. All that unnecessary worry.

In general the procedure went really smoothly. The facility was real fine and the staff was so professional and kind. I just love going to a NON teaching hospital. The only thing that occurred that didn't happen during my last colonoscopy is that I experienced pain during the exam. I voiced my discomfort- or at least I think I did and I think someone said something to the effect "we're almost finished- you'll be alright". The next thing I remember is being in the recovery area feeling a bit tired but perfectly fine. Perhaps I dreamed about the pain. It's really no biggy now though as no harm was done and I really don't recall anything about the actual exam and that's one thing they want to accomplish. John went with me and while I was willing to take the subway John insisted that we jump into a cab to head downtown from the upper East side. Several blocks into the ride though I had to get out because I thought I was going to be sick. You know- the sweaty mouth and tightening of the jaw sensation. I don't know what that was about- perhaps post anesthesia and almost-empty-stomach syndrome (except for two small containers of cranberry juice and two vanilla cookies complements of New York Presbyterian Hospital). Anyway I didn't barf and as we walked I began to feel better. We stopped at a diner and I had to settle for cream of broccoli soup and mashed potatoes for lunch as only "soft" foods were prescribed for the rest of the day. John insisted that I eat before I jump on the subway to head to Brooklyn and this was probably a dandy good idea.

So here I am extremely thrilled to have the exam over and with such glorious results!!!. As a matter of fact I don't have another procedure until Late Spring or Summer and that will be a mammogram/ultra-sound or an MRI. I forget which is next. I'm considering dropping the mammogram from my screening regime and doing only the ultra-sound and MRI alternating every six months. I'm just not thrilled about all of the radiation exposure accumulated over the years considering I had my first mammogram at the age of 30 and began yearly mammography screening at the age of 36 AND I received high dose radiation treatments to my former right breast area in 2001 for my first diagnosis. I know each of these screening techniques has something different to offer and different benefits but I need to take control and get a handle on ANY treatment that may actually raise my risk of any future cancer.

Anyway- I'm freakin' HAPPY. And it feels like Spring today to boot! Or I feel like Spring today is probably more the case.

tell your story...

2008-02-25T17:23:00.012-05:00

NOTE FROM A FRIEND OF A FRIEND...

"Hi Ladies-
I am working to put together a beautiful coffee table book telling the stories of inspirational women who have survived breast cancer! The book will also serve as an educational tool for outreach to young women. If you or someone you know has won the battle against breast cancer, we'd love to include your story in this book! Please send stories to survivorstories@thememagazine.com. For an idea of the type of art direction we'll be going for you can check out THEME magazine "
xoxo,
linyee

*

THE DETAILS:
Call for Submissions for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month Privacy Clothing + emeht Coffee Table Book Shares Stories of Survivors.

New York, NY - February 19, 2008 - Privacy Clothing is now accepting submissions for an upcoming book documenting the inspiring stories of breast cancer survivors. With a focus on people working within the creative industries, the project will tell the personal stories of survivors and double as an educational resource. The narrative- and image-rich coffee table book will be produced and directed by emeht, the award winning team behind THEME Magazine. Timed for an October 2008 release for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the book will be distributed through Privacy's established breast cancer education networks.

GUIDELINES FOR SUBMISSION
We're looking to tell the motivational stories of creatives who have won the battle against breast cancer. Please include a photo of yourself with your submission and send to: survivorstories@thememagazine.com

Name:
Age:
Occupation/Industry:
Email:
Phone:
Website (Optional):
Please share a short summary of your story (less than 200 words):

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSION
March 14, 2008

ABOUT PRIVACY
The Privacy label is more than a fashion statement; it is a "Commitment to the Cure." We bring breast cancer awareness to the fashion marketplace by using a generous portion of our annual revenue to fund breast cancer prevention and research. This allows us to provide free mammography screening for underprivileged women, and to fund breast cancer education and clinical trials. We believe in quality, for our apparel and for human life.

ABOUT emeht
emeht is committed to the dynamic art of storytelling. Founded by the creative and editorial team behind award-winning THEME magazine, emeht specializes in innovative projects ranging from fashion art direction to coffee table books that marry compelling narratives with engaging visuals.

*

Yes, I will submit my story- as boring as it is...

the singer sings...

2008-02-08T23:27:00.000-05:00

the songbird scarf!

and

the rebel version.

ReBeL lOvE.

2008-02-04T18:44:00.000-05:00

ReBEl LoVE transcends diamonds and gold.

vintage brass sweethearts
lemon butter lucite
tangerine plastic
stamped coppery goodness
lockets kissed with time
red quartz as deep as roses
glass seeds mocking candy
stones as big as cherries

c'mon. could valentine jewels get any better?!

UnLEasHeD here!

evolution of a stitch.

2008-01-28T12:32:00.000-05:00

I've been busy getting my ducks in a row, one might say. In an effort to kind of bring clarity or simplify the browsing/shopping experience I've removed my Rhea belle clothing from the Rebel1in8 store and opened news digs for just the clothing.

Rhea Belle clothing is now at Rhea Belle apparel.

It's a small detail but I've also changed the word clothing to apparel because I think it refers to more possibilities. Since I have grand ideas in mind for scarves and some day jackets/coats, apparel seems to fit better and I like the sound of it. Anyways, just thought I'd mention this as I haven't been here lately and I have lots of things on my mind to write about. I just had to get my threads in row before I settled down to spill the beans.

departures. arrivals.

2008-01-17T23:24:00.000-05:00

"Refashioning with a purpose: Clothes for the one-breasted woman" by Debra Roby.

have a fabulous holiday

2007-12-21T23:24:00.000-05:00

...and a terrific new year celebration! i'm hitting the road. heading towards the love of family. see you all next year.

Love,
Jacqueline

photo. playing card Christmas ornaments that i made in '95.

sing it.

2007-12-18T19:19:00.000-05:00

sometimes
and often
from
loss
grows
a whisper
a roar

and
song.

*
get the patch.
*

renovations.

2007-12-15T16:49:00.000-05:00

During Laurie's visit she revealed three sweaters to me that she wanted renovated. I had asked her to bring any of her garments that she liked but no longer wore since her surgery. All three pieces were formerly pull-overs that she seldom wore after her single right side mastectomy.

Like me, Laurie finds that simple pull-over garments that accentuate the body's transformed facade are awkward, simply poor designs and uncomplimentary to our single breasted bodies. I often describe my body as architecture. In the designing and engineering of structural forms there is aesthetic purpose in nearly every rise, fall, relief and recess of material. I look at garments in this way and as a "service" to the body. Garments must now serve my form. Not vice-versa. The flat side of my torso where there once was a mound is utilitarian space perfectly suited to embellishment and more especially to function- closures such as buttons, zippers, hooks, etc. My closet is nearly empty because I have removed everything that is not suitable for my architecture. I am in the process of renovating all blouses, sweaters and dresses by moving all of the buttons to the right side where they belong... I'll keep you posted on that project.

Cutting Laurie's garments made me nervous. Very nervous. One is made of silk, one is lambs wool with angora, and the delicious red turtleneck sweter is 2ply cashmere! I've turned almost all of my pull-overs into asymmetrical cardigans. I simply love severing asymmetry and revealing an underneath that no longer exists. This diabolical approach to design challenges and addresses traditional body composition and replaces "expected" form with function. It's like busting the brick out of a boring north-facing wall to install a window- you know, let some of that freaking beautiful sunlight in- sort of speak. The result is visual and conceptual trickery that works. Well, that's what I think anyway. This garment concept is one solution of many towards accommodating our transformed bodies, reinventing the perception of our architecture, sparing our flesh the trauma of further surgery and the humiliating rash often cursed upon us by the prosthesis.

In the very near future I plan on providing some "how-to" instructions for this type of renovation. But in the mean time go and gather those pull-overs or any boring plain front tops that are just taking up space in your closet or drawers and have them ready!!!

Laurie! these pieces will go into the mail on Monday!

wisdom. and fucque.

2007-12-06T23:37:00.000-05:00

(sub-title: raven steals the sun.)

We had a weekend visitor and the essence of her coolness is still floating around here... it was such a fabulous visit. Laurie traveled from Canada to meet me and to explore my Rhea Belle clothing and a little bit of New York city. To say I feel honored and charmed that such cool women gather with me is an understatement (Jeanne, another online/blogger friend came to New York in September from Seattle). From the moment Laurie and I met on the sidewalk I was so comfortable with her and I had a feeling that the weekend would bring a creation of long conversations and inspiration. And this feeling proved right.

Laurie came bearing gifts: Canadian mustard with maple syrup, cocoa camino- a bar of the most delicious fair trade dark chocolate imaginable (of which I've eaten three pieces while writing this) and two cds which I have nearly worn out already, Eve Goldberg's A Kinder Season and Joni Mitchell's Shine. When Laurie arrived John wasn't home from work yet so I called him and asked if he'd pick up some good dipping pretzels for the mustard and a bottle of my favorite wine- an Australian Shiraz. When he later pulled the wine from the bag Laurie said it was her favorite! I knew it was going to be a great weekend.

Friday evening, after a visit to the roof to experience a cold clear sky and a glistening view of Manhattan with wine in hand, we looked over the Rhea Belle clothing collection and Laurie unveiled which garments were her fave- we decided that Saturday we'd venture out and procure the necessary materials. Saturday morning we cruised the L train into Union Square for Laurie to experience the Farmers Market and the Holiday Mart and then we were off to gather supplies. With our mission accomplished we hunted down a cup of coffee and a bit of fuel before we went our separate ways: Laurie to brave a few Manhattan sites alone and I back to the loft to begin sewing her selected garments. I absorbed every minute to sit and talk with Laurie and I could've remained in that coffee house, across from her for a long time but we both had some stuff to accomplish. Later in the evening Laurie arrived back at the loft with a pot of home made vegetable soup waiting for her. I did my best to spoil this woman.

Sunday arrived way too fast! It's a real delicious treat to be in the company of a person who is incredibly lovely to be with- no silence being awkward and plenty to talk about. Kindred spirits, indeed. Even my cats, Tina and Freeda, adored her and allowed her to sleep peacefully and gave her some lap time. After a breakfast of freshly baked banana nut bread, coffee and the company of my sister Laurie ventured out to explore a few more bits of the city and I finished up her two garments. That evening Laurie had planned on treating us to dinner so upon her return we took her to a neighborhood place that we tend to take guest and celebrate special occasions. Northeast Kingdom's small simple cozy environment is seductively inviting and the food is comfortingly delicious. Our conversation wove in many directions as it often did- from body politics (of course), far away travels, details of our weddings, to ravens stealing the sun while adorning jewels. I believe a fabulous, warm, memorable time was had by all of us.

Monday we awoke with a plan. Laurie and I wanted to photograph her in the garments that I had created for her to include in my Rhea Belle slideshow. After an unplanned dry-run we eventually captured some beautiful moments of Laurie in front of the lens wearing the perfect cardigan and stitched atop plum goodness. It doesn't get any better than that!!! With a few hours to spare before she needed to head to the airport we found ourselves out in Williamsburg Brooklyn on a crispy chilled day and feasting on some of my favorite pizza! Laurie had mentioned wanting to have a good New York slice while visiting and though it wasn't planned- enjoying this delicacy together topped off what was already a kickass weekend. I just can't believe she's come and gone already.

The conception of Rhea Belle clothing was born out of a necessity to fill a huge social gap and to establish a clear message of defiance. A societal f**kyou one might say. It's not a tough code to crack with a name like Rhea Belle- and that's better than Fucque Clothing, right? The clothing actually has very little to do with fashion- it's "fashionista" (a term I actually dislike being associated with but take no offense when it is attached to me kindly) implications are merely a by-product of a marriage between diabolical aesthetics/design and purpose. But when a woman says that I, my clothing, makes her feel beautiful- then if you want to call it fashion- by all means, call it fashion. Calling it wonderful is cool too.

"I have come home inspired and rejuvenated. You have helped me to go back to feeling good about my body, as it is. You are doing a wonderful thing with Rhea Belle." Laurie

I once confessed... "my life feels thick as pudding
and is as good". this is true, still. in part because of this experience.

the top image is for Laurie.
("Raven Steals the Sun" By Preston Singletary, at the National Museum of the American Indian)

confession #203. stow-away.

2007-12-06T19:03:00.000-05:00

Last thursday I asked Sidney (owner of the neighborhood thrift/junk/crap store if he had any buttons. He directed me to a tall set of drawers over flowing with sewing supplies. I searched each drawer and discovered three that were filled with mostly thread and buttons. I also came upon this lovely old pin cushion. I tucked it deep in the back of one of the drawers. I asked Sidney for a ball-park figure for what he'd want for just the thread and buttons. Per his usual style he began to advertise the quantity and quality of the contents and exclaimed that $45 was a good deal for EVERYTHING in all three drawers. I agreed. But lets face it, besides the buttons and thread everything else in these three drawers was far from trash to treasure. Yards of knotted dirty yarn, seam tape, and wads of unidentifiable ick are things I can't use. And I didn't have $45. What I did know was that I wanted the thread and buttons and I would return to select just the things I wanted. The next day I went back to the store with time to hunt and some newly earned cash. I asked Sidney for a box and hunting, searching and sneezing I went. I pulled every spool of thread and button from the cabinet. When all was said and done I returned to the drawer I had stashed the heart pin cushion. I tucked it deep inside the pile of threads in the box . Sidney knows a coolass thing when he sees it. I presented the box to him and asked what he wanted for the contents. $35. I never barter with him. It's a strategy I have. I think he's fair and if I had a history of bickering with him he'd always start high. That' my theory anyway. Plus, like I said, I think he's fair. He didn't rumage through the box to discover every find so the heart remained a stow-away. It's hanging on my wall next to impressions.

life. and numbers.

2007-11-17T02:03:00.001-05:00

it is neither
short
like a haiku

nor
long
like forever

this is neither
unfortunate
nor
regrettable

but
1 year
365 days
12 months
4 weeks
7 days
24 hours
1440 minutes
86400 seconds

is either
refreshing

or
a real bitch.

(my faves)

what it's not. and the gratitude of my flesh.

2007-11-09T21:18:00.001-05:00

it's not
a victim
of your shame
or mine

it's not
a symbol
of your fear
or mine

it's not
a reflection
of your arrogance
or mine

it's not
an armor
for your struggles
or mine

it's not
a billboard
for your truths
or mine.

it's not fabric to be stitched
clay to be formed
marble to be carved
a book to be read
a song to be sung
a cheer to be shouted
a code to be broken
a mystery to be solved
a key for a lock
or a
puzzle
piece
without
a
space!

it is simply flesh.

MY flesh.

and it is grateful.

for the things
it
is
not.

for starburst.

2007-11-01T16:32:00.001-04:00

I met an awesome woman when I went to flickr to set up my politcal, social and emotional protest against breast cancer. Her flickr name was **starburst**. She was among the first few to join the "beyond the pink" group and she opened a discussion with "is it all about breast cancer?" . She explained "BTW, my DX is adenocarcinoma, stage IV. I am at war!". During our discussion I googled "adenocarcinoma" as I wasn't familiar with this type of cancer. I got a very brief education but enough to learn that it's a toughass cancer- but nothing compared to the the kickass woman I was just getting to know. I began to follow her story on flickr and discovered that she created two other cancer support groups. I joined both flick cancer and too sexy for my hair. These groups are by far the most compassionate and supportive groups on flickr with great thanks to **starburst**. She was an amazingly genuine and sincere woman who wrote with raw tender honesty. Even during the most complex hours of her treatments she reached out to and for others.

**starbusrt** is Lori . She died Saturday morning October 27th and the world is less charmed because of her absence. I so badly wanted to use "is" instead of "was" while describing her but I know that I must deal with the here and now. When I ascended the stairs to the roof this evening I was hoping to see an amazing sky to photograph to place with these words. After all, the sky is where stars live. The view from the roof could not have been more vibrant, dramatic and almost surreal. This sky had a life and power all of its own that seemed to be LIVING while everything on the earth became still. It was one of those skies that I describe "if I were to paint it exactly as it is- the image would hardly be believable".

Lori also blogged at "too sexy for my hair". While we only corresponded a few times I checked in on her blog weekly- to make sure she was doing ok and often simply to see her words and be kissed by her strength, graceful vulnerability, joy and sometimes fear. Her blog exposed a life in its deepest, richest colors.

I know cancer seems so far away to some of you. But her words, her beautifully clear words unveil such generosity in their detail and hope. You deserve to go to them and be touched by them. There is so much life there.

Peace, Lori, in the sky and forever.

In Memory.

oh! just go find it!

2007-10-27T17:41:00.001-04:00

If you'd like to support the Do It Yourself movement, as I do, and support crafters, designers and inventors alike then this is the place for you. Besides making things myself I often discover some creatively perfect garments and accessories to show off, embrace, honor and reinvent the terrane of my post mastectomy, non-reconstructed, no-prosthesis body. So, I'll be listing great finds and post them here at "oh! just go find it". Over at "etsy" where I sell my Rebel1in8 jewelry and a lil' bit of Rhea Belle clothing there is amazing creativity and invention happening. I have found that most sellers respond enthusiastically to custom work if something they make needs a little altering to make it the perfect purchase for you. A little communication goes a long long way...

For starters see what's available at the Rebel1in8 store.

I discovered asymmetrically printed t's that I think are perfect for a torso that cries for a reinvented center at stevester's store, avalove's store, circular accessories and LookForFiddleHeads.

There's some fabulously comfortable asymmetrical and familiar body embracing designs at treehouse28's store. She also creates a fabulous hat and headband too!

Recently upon discovering her "neckwarmers" I contacted JewelLace about a custom order. I asked her if she'd be interested in making one that trailed down the right side a bit longer to flow through my flat landscape. She loved the challenge and the purpose of the request and allowed me to choose the colors. Within two days she sent me a photo of one of the completed gardens. I've ordered two of them and when I receive them I'll post photos!!! I plan to wear them with plain fitted tops to keep the landscaping simple.

If you're still just getting to know your newly transformed body an accessory called a "capelet" might interest you. kyassib's store has some mighty fine examples in her store along with other beautiful wraps. They are usually shorter than a "poncho" and are similar to a wide draped-over-the-shoulder cowl neck. They can be placed over any garment including spring/summer tops depending on the material they're made of. They are nice to wear shortly after surgery as they usually have a button and are easy to put on without lifting your arms over your head.

Speaking of your head, does yours need some TLC warmin' this winter? The cosy knits (literally) store has some of the best knitting fixin's on etsy. Beautiful hats and mittens in just about every flavor can be found waiting for the perfect home.

Looking for a fabulously knitted scarf for the winter and you also LOVE putting your money towards an incredibly important cause? Here's the dilly for you!!! Warm cozy scarves are being knitted and sold to support BREAST CANCER ACTION! BCA is the absolute best breast cancer advocacy organization out there. Despite the fact that I'm not too keen on the store's name I'm super keen on their cause- so its' all good... go check out KnittingForKnockers' store.

be a rebel bird. spread seeds.

2007-10-24T16:53:00.000-04:00

If you'd rather not lick a million yogurt lids and stuff them in an envelope to return to their manufacturer, buy over priced postal stamps, walk 5k, wear a pink ribbon on your lapel or dangle one from your key chain, wear a "tata" or "save my boobs" shirt, buy pink detergent, soup cans or m&m's, or prance around with breast cancer BARBIE and you would like to do something during this month of "breast cancer awareness"...
then go to Kimberley Klein's blog "The Merits of the Case" and make a difference in the life of a woman diagnosed with breast cancer. Your vote will take only a few seconds and relieve the financial burden of her diagnoses by investing in her future.

It is as simple as a click.

m.i.y.o.d.s.

2007-10-18T22:03:00.000-04:00

Why settle for only what's offered at the overpriced department stores and boutiques? If finding the right garment is difficult and you'd rather "make it your own damn self" from scratch or by renovating an existing garment then here's the list for you! I'm posting ideas and references to designs that not only embrace the terrane of the post mastectomy, non-reconstructed, no-prosthesis body but these designs thoughtfully celebrate and honor it. I'll post photos of handmade garments and basic "how to" instructions so check back in often if you're interested in the Do It Yourself approach to your wardrobe solutions. We'll start with the obvious... Rhea Belle designs at Rebel1in8.
"The design and marketing of items of wear for one-breasted women is only a question of time, and we who are now designing and wearing our own asymmetrical patterns and New Landscape jewelry are certainly in the vanguard of a new fashion!"
Audre Lorde, "The Cancer Journals", 1980

Rhea Belle designs.

The DIYNOTDIE star reconstructs a sweater.

"Cut up yer shirts!!! sez Pocketina."

Take charge! Go knit somehthing!

Two Dutch warriors rock out a post mastectomy clothing line in the late 90's!!!

ideas.

2007-10-18T19:33:00.000-04:00

On the adventure to replenish your wardrobe with garments that embrace your bi-lateral or single post mastectomy, non-reconstructed, no-prosthesis body there are some simple, practical clothing tricks to look out for. I think the following inspirations are just a sampling of design techniques and elements that can either embrace and honor your body or soften the new terrane. Like Rhea Belle garments these designs create visual balance, re-create symmetry and invite women to simply embrace their natural architecture through design. There are many sides to comfort and every day is different as a woman's transformed body gracefully invites buttons, zippers or gathered falling fabrics. Key words to search online department store or designer clothing for various garments are "asymmetry/asymmetrical, ruffles, cowl, drape/draped, pleats/pleated"... I'll add to this array whenever I find a delightful design that may nudge towards inspiration. Get inspired. Explore. Re-invent. Re-define.

a cashmere cowl.
cashmere cowl/capelet.
comfy drapey shawl.
comfy grey wrap.
sweet drapey shirt.
sweet drapey dress.
sleeveless drapey cowl halter.
dandy sweater with lapels.
flowing cardigan.
flowing fabric blouse.
kickin' fabric ways.
orange pleated goodness
embrace that asymmetry!
ruffle it.
simply just cool!
ruffle it even more!!!
bow it.
cowl dress it.

spreadin' the rebel love.

2007-10-15T01:44:00.000-04:00

*
I discovered more great press for Rebel1in8 at ReadyMade Magazine!!!

*

HAPPY RHEA!

2007-10-11T18:44:00.000-04:00

The program in which I was included is now online!

See "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies", WABC TV, Channel 7, NY (American Cancer Society).

And don't forget the CALL TO ARMS!!!.

ricochet number two.

2007-10-11T13:08:00.000-04:00

*

*

*

"chicken..."

*

*

*

more icing!

2007-10-10T14:30:00.003-04:00

I received the following email today!!!

*
FYI,
There’s been considerable interest in the Breast Cancer Special just aired and so wanted to let you know that we are re-running it in several ways.

On WABC TV and WABC TVHD we will re-run it this Sunday 10/14 at 5:30am EST.

We also will soon be streaming it on our website HERE.

We will also re-run it on our digital channel.
The call letters are DABC but the cable channels call it WABC Plus.

On Cablevision it is channel 107 and on Time Warner it is channel 164.

If people have satellites, they should contact their carrier for the channel number.

Re-run times are on the following days & times:

Fridays: 3:30am-4am

Saturdays: 6pm-6:30pm & 3:30am-4am

Sundays: 6pm-6:30pm & 3:30am-4am

This schedule begins October 19th and will continue for approx. 2 months.

Thanks so much for your interest.

Best regards,
Jeelu Billimoria
Senior Producer
WABC TV
*

How cool is that!?

more about stars.

2007-10-09T00:51:00.000-04:00

After participating in this conversation a few days ago and then this comment thread last night and then found "The Warrior" today... I really need these to cleanse my raging palette.

hope's the dope...

Pink Ribbons, Inc
by Samantha King

Breast Cancer: Society Shapes an Epidemic
by Anne S. Kasper

A Darker Ribbon: A Twentieth-Century Story of Breast Cancer, Women, and Their Doctors
by Ellen Leopold

Sarah Lochlann Jain
Unravel the Pink Ribbon

awareness.

2007-10-05T23:50:00.000-04:00

ricochet.
.
.
.
.
.
.
the polaroid diptych:
"A summer with 65 GY, 2000"

icing on the cake.

2007-10-04T16:53:00.003-04:00

I am involved in a television program about breast cancer. I was interviewed about my Rebel1in8 website and my Rhea Belle clothing designs. A lot has happened this year with my project and I think the opportunity to participate in this awesome program is a sign that my heart is in the right place- as it is my guide these days.

Produced by Emmy Awards winner Jeelu Billimoria "Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies" airs this Sat. 10/6 at 7:30pm on WABC TV. If you are not in the NY/Tri-State area the program can be seen via satellite TV (ABC East).

Press release:
*
WABCOctober 4, 2007
WABC-TV TO AIR SPECIAL“BREAST CANCER: NEW THINKING AND NEW THERAPIES”
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 6 AT 7:30PM

WABC-TV will mark Breast Cancer Awareness Month with a special entitled “Breast Cancer: New Thinking and New Therapies” beginning at 7:30 p.m., ET on Saturday, October 6. The half-hour special, anchored by Eyewitness News Anchor Diana Williams and Reporter Stacey Sager, will examine the progress being made in breast cancer diagnosis and treatments. From new guidelines on the use of MRI’s to advances in surgery and issues surrounding affordable healthcare, WABC will take a look at the most recent advancements and will highlight the latest thinking on breast cancer.

WABC speaks to medical experts and researchers from New York’s top cancer treatment centers including: Memorial Sloan-Kettering, St. Luke’s - Roosevelt Comprehensive Breast Center, Beth Israel Medical Center Comprehensive Breast Service, Murray Hill Radiology and American Cancer Society. WABC also speaks to survivors of breast cancer and features Kris Carr, author and film-maker of “Crazy Sexy Cancer;” Marisa Acocella Machetto, author of “Cancer Vixen;” and Jacqueline Lou Skaggs, founder, “Rebel 1 in 8” and many others.

This annual special is part of WABC-TV’s continuing commitment to the Making Strides against Breast Cancer Campaign of the American Cancer Society. This marks WABC's 13th year as media sponsors of the Making Strides walk; viewers can learn more about the October 21st event here.

Tune in to “Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies" on Saturday, October 6 at 7:30 p.m. ET.

Jeelu Billimoria is the Senior Producer of “Breast Cancer: New Thinking & New Therapies.”

*

cake and photo created by gcs.

a brush with action.

2007-10-04T15:03:00.000-04:00

My friend and artist illustrator activist extroardinaire Nicole Schulman recently participated in the conception and birth of a powerful mural at an intersection in Brooklyn, NY. The mural honors and memorializes fifth-graders Victor Flores and Juan Estrada and 4-year-old James Rice, three young boys who were killed at the busy intersection. It's an incredible and moving tribute and visual message.

Nicole is also the illustrator of "It's only a matter of time" and sells cool jewelry and art at etsy. On top of all that her myspace site is awesome and definitely worth a long visit.

photo:
Celebrate people's history poster, by Nicole.
and
detail of a bodice front.

amazon seamstress.

2007-10-03T01:29:00.000-04:00

My friend and crafty rebel spinning knitter gardner apple tree havin' extraordinaire Tina has written a glowing article for etsy's STORQUE about Rebel1in8 and Rhea Belle clothing. I was honored to be a part of such a well written and supportive piece. Because of it I have sold every last Rebel cap necklace in my etsy store so a new batch is in the works!!! Stay tuned because a lot of new jewelry and clothing is coming!

"amazon seamstress". I love that. love. love. love.

photo by gcs.

a break. and stitches.

2007-10-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

My favorite poem. And the only poem I can recite...
The Red Wheelbarrow.

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.

by William Carlos Williams, Spring and All, 1923
photo, art: a gift from Tina, paper with pressed buttons and stitches. see detail.

a wooden sky and stars.

2007-10-02T22:48:00.000-04:00

"There is no difference between thinking and relative living. Thinking leads to pride, identification, confusion and fear. Work is a function in which we seem to be identified. But in reality work is a part of the process of life in which we cannot perceive the beginning or end of our function. We have no understanding of the process of life, in whole, or in part, and we never will. We cannot therefore identify ourselves with our work. Since the process of life reaches to the furthest star the work of each of us is of no significance in the process. In the great process, in the sum total of the outward being of all living things our work is insignificant, infinitesimal and insignificant. This must be realized."

Artist Agnes Martin, "Writings", page 90

photo: Jeanne at Coney Island, September 2007.

beauty in the dark.

2007-10-02T11:26:00.002-04:00

sometimes anger shines like a star in the sky. it's beauty often only seen in the dark.

... If people don't get how offensive and oppressive all of the pink stuff is and how transparent the merchandizing is than I simply don't know what to say to you. But Amy brings up the core issue with the pink products and the marketing. As usual our society has found a way to make money off of breasts. It is as simple as that. And then it's pushed further with a COLOR that is intrinsically attached to the ideals of FEMININE- pink is for girly girls. When a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, or worse, has to have a mastectomy her entire social and political ideologies that surround her body collide with her mortality. That's what makes this disease different AND popular. The issue with this pink stuff transcends all of the capitalistic-money-making-monsters and invades my dignity as a woman who has survived this f****** disease TWICE!!! Am I angry? YES. You bet I am. Am I angry that I had cancer? NO. I AM ANGRY FOR THE IGNORANCE THAT SPREADS THROUGHOUT MAINSTREAM AMERICA AND CONTINUES TO SABOTAGE MY INTEGRITY AS AN EQUAL PARTICIPANT IN THE WORLD WHO DESERVES NOT TO HAVE HER BODY, SEXUALITY AND FEMININITY EXPLOITED. Save the boobs, "save the tatas" and pink BREAST awareness are messages that are woven into the forces that drive women into reluctant post mastectomy reconstruction and to wear uncomfortable ugly prosthesis because it's all about the breast, it's all about our femininity isn't it? It's a fear driven campaign. And if you don't get how manipulated you are by this clever pink seductive "let's pull on their heart strings and offend their sexuality by making it ALL about breast while we're at it" campaign simply to makemoney than you are simply not observing the world with clarity. PINK sells stuff- BREASTS sell stuff and that's the bottom line.
The campaign simply has to change and any strong minded AWARE woman knows this.

that is a response to this.

Note: "When a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, or worse, has to have a mastectomy..." By "worse" I am not referring to a mastectomy as an unfortunate mutilating surgery or that the mastectomy is worse than the cancer itself. Mastectomies SAVE LIVES! and after having a lumpectomy followed by radiation treatments at the time of my first diagnoses I can say without regret but with deep hindsight honesty that if I could live it over I would do it differently. After a second diagnoses/re-occurrence several years later (resulting in a mastectomy) I believe a mastectomy the first time around makes better medical and health sense. When I said "worse" I was referring/playing into to the physical, visual symbol of breast cancer "fear" AS IF the mastectomy is the worst part of it.
and
"...because it's all about the breast, it's all about our femininity isn't it?"- please insert a grand tone of distaste here.

the brown shirt.

2007-09-28T02:38:00.000-04:00

I wore this brown top during the filming of an interview. The photos in that link are by my sister who while visiting (came next door to steal a cup of jo) and always with a camera in hand "documented" my browsing through some fancy fashion mags that were found in a box on a Chelsea sidewalk in Manhattan. I occasionally peruse these mags for inspiration- in search of sentiments or not yet born parodies to exploit in my clothing photographs. I think her announcement of the television program is beautiful and I found it to be sweet that she posted it and then sent out a mass email about it from her Alcove gallery list. Participating in the filming and interview was an incredibly wonderful and challenging experience. Did I mention it was also embarrassingly stressful and that after it was all over and even though it went beautifully and I appeared very calm and composed I got a terrible headache and became nauseated as soon as the crew left. I'll write more about it soon- the good parts and other experiences in this shirt. In the mean time I'll leave you with a tale as told to me by my thirteen year old nephew. I think the brown shirt was fitting for the interview...

once upon a time there was a captain on a large ship.
just as he stepped upon the deck one afternoon a member of his crew positioned in the crow’s nest yells “captain!!! there’s an enemy ship coming towards us!!!!”
the captain responds to the nearest deck-hand “go get me my red shirt!!!”
well, a battle ensues and not one man from this ship is killed.
after the battle the guy in the crow’s nest asks the captain “why did you retrieve your red shirt before the attack?”
the captain replies “in case i was stabbed or shot my men couldn’t see that i was injured and they would continue to fight without fear or discouragement”.
several weeks go by and one day the guy in the crow’s nest yells “captain!!!
twenty enemy ships are in the distance!!!”
the captain turns to anyone in ear-shot and yells “go get me my brown pants!!!”

so. sew. sow.

2007-09-16T13:25:00.000-04:00

During our 17th anniversary celebration dinner out last night the following conversation occurred. John and I had spent most of the afternoon with a cerulean filled sky overhead as we shot photos on our roof for an up coming "advertisement" for Rhea Belle clothing. His job was simple- well, so I thought. I listed just three things for him to keep track of while he operated the camera: make sure my stomach doesn't pooch out (I have bad posture but I'm workin' on that), keep an eye out for double chins and PLEASE make sure my Rebel necklace doesn't flip over. Well, two out of three isn't so bad (the rebel pendant flipped but photoshop fixed that)... I guess. I made the t-shirt Saturday afternoon. I had been thinking about it for a while and decided that it would soon be a classic in my collection. "Collection". What does that even mean? See, my plan is to infiltrate (pretend like I know what I'm doing and make it look right) the fashion bubble and subtly shatter the illusions of what a "survivor" looks like. Ultimately and logically she looks just like everyone else because the clothes she is wearing are made just for her. When I put the "classic Rebel1in8 T" on- damn did I feel empowered! Does a prosthesis EVER do that? So, the conversation I mentioned went something like this: (while waiting for pork chops, home-made style mashed potatoes, asparagus, brandini fish over rice, clams and two vodka gimlets- the now drink-of-choice introduced to me by Jeanne during her visit here)...

John: (from across the candle lit table and with a smile) Um, I can see right down your shirt.

me: Which side? Breast side? Flat side?

John: (shrugging, knowing my response ahead of time) Flat side.

me: (smiling real big) Yeah, SO!

Introducing the Classic Rebel1in8 T-shirt.

friends and truths.

2007-09-06T02:06:00.000-04:00

On the road and under sky. John and I took a road trip from New York to Indiana a couple of weeks ago. We needed to leave the lovely stanky ways of the city for a while and even more importantly we just had to get home to see family. While on the road we decided to visit a couple of friends that I met online, Kim and Tina. It was my second visit with Kim and our visit was not nearly long enough. We stopped by her place long enough to catch up a little, meet her husband and darling dog Boo and take a short breather from the road but it was well worth the minor detour. I have corresponded often with Tina but had never met her in person and after several cell phone conversations we decided to meet near her home at a food joint just off the road we were traveling. We spent nearly two hours embracing this amazing woman's energy and giddily departed with a bag generously stuffed with vegetables from her garden. I am convinced that these relationships will be life-long exchanges.

I have met many other women over the past year through Rebel1in8 and hope to meet more in the near future. I'd still love to meet women I correspond with who live in Chicago, California, Ottawa Canada, Vancouver BC, and the UK. Also among the incredible women I have personally met are Jeanne, Shelly and Jeelu. Upon my return home from our road trip I prepared for a visit from Jeanne and her friend, Pat. Jeanne came to New York from Seattle this past weekend to try on clothes from my Rhea Belle clothing line and do a little sight-seeing. I made several custom garments for her while she was here and have a couple more to ship when they're ready. Jeanne's visit was intensely wonderful and I'm planning a visit to Seattle possibly as soon as October for business ops that Jeanne is helping set up! She's also preparing a press release for me for an up'n coming Rhea Belle "fashion show". I'll keep you posted on all of that. A few months ago Shelly contacted me after discovering my website and deciding that we had many similar views surrounding the politics and social quirks that infiltrate a breast cancer diagnoses. We met for coffe to discuss topics that will be included in her next book. I recently met Jeelu when she contacted me to participate in a television program about breast cancer. She brought a film crew to our loft in early August to interview me regarding the Rebel1in8 website and Rhea Belle clothing. I'll blog about that amazing, nerve racking three hour experience very very soon, too. The program will air in early October. So much is happening.

As you can see, the creation of Rebel1in8 has guided so many incredible people and opportunities my way. But there is something I want to make clear:
While the topic of cancer has been a conduit for these meetings "cancer" certainly gets absolutely NO credit for them. You see, I do not participate in the misconception that cancer is a gift of ANY kind. It is simply and sharply a physiological, cellular event. I am not and will not ever be grateful for the two diagnoses of cancer that I have received. Cancer has not changed me, enlightened me or enriched my life in any way, shape or form. It was not a gift from any God, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, Hallmark, secret admirer or lover. All the graceless, graceful, fearless, fearful, tactless, tactful, persistant, informed, angry and humorous ways in which I have handled my cancer diagnoses were born from characteristics that I have resourcefully accumulated through my years of living and through genetics. The reality is I'd rather not know any of these fantastic women because it is through the common thread of having had cancer that we have met. If it meant not having cancer and not knowing these women... even before my diagnoses I chose fabulous, thoughtful people to be in my life so I'd be ok without these new post cancer friends. But I do know them and I have ONLY them and myself to thank for that. I love them all and they know who they are- thank you for being in my life.

So, just to get that straight.

"Rebel Fashion"

2007-09-05T23:04:00.000-04:00

This photo was taken in Brooklyn during Jeanne's visit when she came to New York to experience Rhea Belle clothing (and a lil' bit of the big city of course). Jeanne is a friend that I met online through a network of women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and are navigating their way through it with attitude and integrity. I have fabulous memories of her and her friend Pat who joined her for the New York adventure. While Pat often awoke at the crack of dawn to venture out and explore the wild city Jeanne and I spent a lot of of time drinking some kickass Seattle coffee that she brought with her and talking talking and doing more talking while I made a few custom Rhea Belle garments for her. Our evenings were spent on the roof with the sunset, a glass of wine, laughter that bordered on giggling and the planning of my inevitable visit to Seattle. On their last day Jeanne and Pat took John and I out to dinner to a little restaurant in our neighborhood where Jeanne introduced me to the Gimlet- a vodka, lime and sugar beverage. Well, long story short this is now my drink of choice when I'm in the mood for a real treat. And the best part of this beverage is I think of Jeanne every single time I have it- and mainly I think of her fabulously edgy humor and her giggle- yes Jeanne, you do giggle.

While this was the first time we met Jeanne, Pat and I felt incredibly comfortable around each other and it seems as if we've all been friends for quite some time. I simply can not wait to get to Seattle- of course I'll write about that when it happens!!!

"I don't feel embarrassed to go out in public, and, amazingly, no one seems to notice that I don't have a right breast. If people DO stare, I assume they are looking at the great clothes Jacqueline has made for me. Or they are admiring my smile and my sunny attitude!" Jeanne

In the photographs Jeanne is wearing the comfy summer cowl.

stirred, sipped sweetness.

2007-07-30T23:43:00.000-04:00

(almost two years later.)

on a sunday
evening in late july
i departed
and entered
a warm blue breeze
nurtured
by thoughts of
waiting jewels
rebel stitches
hanging, glazed rhinestones
with a carbon sky
next to white chickens
and that long list of everything
in the distance
on the horizon
growing
with asymmetry
real f**king tall
and blooming.

again, for gcs
(same restaurant, same drinks, same meal, different tablecloth)

cause.

2007-07-27T10:53:00.000-04:00

I've spent some time on ETSY this morning. No, not shopping. Um, doing research. I was just curious how many sellers were creating and selling items in "support" of breast cancer awareness, research and/or "cure"- and how much of the merchandise was pink and/or exploiting women. 27 pages of STUFF, 403 items! And just when I didn't think it could get any worse than this I discovered this. I'm not sure which one is more blatantly irresponsible, offensive and oppressive.

Most of the products simply claimed to inspire breast cancer awareness by using the color pink with or without ribbons or with or without beaded, pom-pom cutesy breasts forms. Piled within the barettes, keychains, necklaces, bracelettes, cell phone covers, wallets, checkbook covers, stationary, tags, bibs, burp cloths, and quilts (just to name a few of the items) I even found a two-tone pink "awareness" crocheted toilet paper cover. So many seller's claim that they will donate anywhere between 10% to 50% to the mysterious pirate ship "breast cancer research". Amongst the sellers proposing to share some mysterious amount of their profits to some mysterious charity I found a seller that claimed that 10% (the magic 2-digit percentage) of their proceeds would go towards the "fight against breast cancer". Whhhhat? Shouldn't we be informed of WHICH fight (i.e. foundation, organization, etc.) they are referring to.
In any case:
10% of $10.00 is $1
10% of $20.00 is $2
10% of $30.00 is $3
etc, etc, etc. You see where I'm going with this, right? Spend $250 at this seller's store and the charity of his choice might eventually get somewhere. Meanwhile the seller is $225 richer. Would a person ever send a $1, $2, or even a $3 check to any charity? Why does it take buying STUFF to help out. So my newest project is to send the following thoughtful, inquiring letter to each seller on ETSY claiming to share a wittle bit of their profits to a breast cancer "cause":
*
Hello there,
I hope this note finds you well and in good spirits. Would you be so kind as to inform me of which charity and the EXACT amount of dollars or percentage of sale goes to the charity? "Cause Marketing" is a disease growing by epidemic proportions in this country- especially in regards to breast cancer. Each time I see something claiming to share profits with a charity I practice my consumer right to inform myself of this information before I make a purchase.

Kindest regards,
Jacqueline
*
So far I've covered three pages of the 27... Lets hope I don't get kicked off of ETSY anytime soon- I sell stuff there too.

--->Update: Below are some responses received so far from sellers that received the above letter;
*
seller's claim: "Part of the sale goes for brest cancer charity." item cost $128
"Hi, I would really be glad to answer this question? I would feel the same way too. Tonight I am attending this dinner in SAN FRANCISCO- Celebrating cotour for the cure. By Susan g Komen for the cure. As Pay pal does not allow me to do anything on line I will collectively make a CQ to this organisation. I can definately post you a copy of the CQ. 5% of the total sales will be for the Breast cancer. Hope you are satisfied with my answer. Please feel free to email me anytime."
*
seller's claim: "Proceeds will be donated to the Breast Cancer Society of Canada." item cost $3
"Actually I just take the whole thing (minus shipping) and donate it :) I use my own credit card to make the donation online along with my own donation. You can view more info on bcsc.ca - Actually, if you prefer, I can change the price to $.20 and you can donate the money yourself to breast cancer if that makes you feel more comfortable. I have never done any 'direct' monetary donation, I usually just make the crafts and donate the supplies and labour and whatever money is made is donated by the event coordinator himself/herself."
*
seller's claim: "...will donate 10% of all sales of this collection towards the fight against Breast Cancer." item cost $40
"Thank you so much for your message and interest in my jewelry! I think that is wonderful that you practice your rights to be informed on items you purchase! I am passionate about donating 10% of all sales for Breast Cancer to the Jonsson Cancer Center for Research at UCLA... Charities are very important to me in general! I also contribute or participate in charity events of the following charities irregardless of jewelry sales:" (15 various charities were listed)... "It is my hope and intent that each customer who purchases from my awareness line will not only have a beautiful and unique gift to enjoy, but also know that they have helped (via 10% donated through their purchase) in finding a solution or an end to the many causes, issues and diseases that our society is faced with today. I have heard of so many wonderful stories of great outcomes for women who were able to get into research studies with Jonsson Cancer Center due to the support of their cause and charities!! Wishing you a wonderful weekend and If you would like to make a purchase and have the profit designated somewhere else or in honor or memory of someone specific I can absolutely do that!"
*
seller's claim: "...benefits breast cancer research at Baylor Health Center." item cost $5.50
"I understand your concern. Great question! The contribution has already been made from the proceeds when I made on the purchase of the fabric at full price. It works like fabric printed that benefits St. Jude. I have other items made from the 3 fabrics I chose from the collection."
*
I intend to donate the tithing portion of the sale of the phone charm to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. If you were interested in purchasing the phone charm and have another Breast Cancer Awareness Charity in mind, feel free to give me the link and that portion can go there. I have no problem allocating the tithing portion to a charity of your choice.
*

keep on keepin' on.

2007-07-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

Remember when just seven months ago I launched Rebel1in8 and Rhea Belle out into the world.

So here's what seven months of hard work and many "what in the world am I doing with this project- and what does it mean" moments have accomplished so far... Read "What people are saying..."

When something gets into your heart, your soul, and cuddles restlessly in your brain- there's just no escaping. I've tried. During times when I've wanted to abandon Rebel1in8 I have invented moments of clarity- observations of an irrational position that my vision is not do-able. It so often seemed hopeless in the scheme of time and the current state of the cause. Seldom, as if turning my back to this project, a feeling of relief would come. And go. I would be left with a feeling similar to witnessing a drowning and, while capable, doing absolutely nothing to assist in a rescue. But then, without fail, I'd get a comment or letter that informed me- emotionally, psychologically and intellectually. Through each correspondence I am made aware that this is not MY vision alone. I am merely a conduit for change. Necessary, inevitable, do-able change.

...keep on keepin' on.
(above photo: "Rhea, out in the world, gettin' coffee")

on mending. another poem.

2007-07-22T14:20:00.000-04:00

For What Binds Us

There are names for what binds us:
strong forces, weak forces.
Look around, you can see them:
the skin that forms in a half-empty cup,
nails rusting into the places they join,
joints dovetailed on their own weight.
The way things stay so solidly
wherever they’ve been set down –
and gravity, scientists say, is weak.

And see how the flesh grows back
across a wound, with a great vehemence,
more strong
than the simple, untested surface before.
There’s a name for it on horses,
when it comes back darker and raised: proud flesh,

as all flesh
is proud of its wounds, wears them
as honors given out after battle,
small triumphs pinned to the chest –

And when two people have loved each other
see how it is like a
scar between their bodies,
stronger, darker, and proud;
how the black cord makes of them a single fabric
that nothing can tear or mend.

by Jane Hirshfield
(posted for V and M, both mending.)

#11

2007-07-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind happiness
not always being
so very much fun
if you don't mind a touch of hell
now and then
just when everything is fine
because even in heaven
they don't sing
all the time

The world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't mind some people dying
all the time
or maybe only starving
some of the time
which isn't half so bad
if it isn't you

Oh the world is a beautiful place
to be born into
if you don't much mind
a few dead minds
in the higher places
or a bomb or two
now and then
in your upturned faces
or such other improprieties
as our Name Brand society
is prey to
with its men of distinction
and its men of extinction
and its priests
and other patrolmen
and its various segregations
and congressional investigations
and other constipations
that our fool flesh
is heir to

Yes the world is the best place of all
for a lot of such things as
making the fun scene
and making the love scene
and making the sad scene
and singing low songs and having inspirations
and walking around
looking at everything
and smelling flowers
and goosing statues
and even thinking
and kissing people and
making babies and wearing pants
and waving hats and
dancing
and going swimming in rivers
on picnics
in the middle of the summer
and just generally
'living it up'

Yes
but then right in the middle of it
comes the smiling
mortician

(poem by Lawrence Ferlinghetti, from PICTURES OF THE GONE WORLD, 1955, as published in CONEY ISLAND OF THE MIND)

disco discourse.

2007-07-10T15:19:00.000-04:00

a friend once commented "peripherals are what make this system great... and referrals make the world go round."

and it's true...

serendipity. and barbie.

2007-07-03T11:09:00.000-04:00

several weeks ago, well, way back in june when i really should have posted this, i met Shelley Lewis author of Naked Republicans. Shelly had come across my website and discovered that we shared similar views regarding the breast cancer pink-cult-like arena. she's writing a book about her own experience with breast cancer (and other important topics and points of view but i don't think i should give away any details here) and asked if i'd like to meet to talk about my experience and views surrounding the social side effects, cliches and stigma related to breast cancer. luckily we both live in new york so this was an exciting and managable endeavor. this particular week proved to be very "journalism" guided because just a few days later i was also interviewed by a dallas texas reporter regarding cancer blogs. anyway, Shelly and i agreed to meet at a swanky, hip hotel lounge at union square. well happy hour was at it's peak when we arrived and loud and crowded didn't seem lke the best combination for two women who had just met and had some good talking to do. so we sauntered over to a nearby starbucks just a half-a-block away. yes, starbucks. while i do rarely patron this house of coffee, in general, i don't voluntarily sit inside and well, hangout and be SEEN in the joint. i won't go into all of the reasons why i'd like to be wearing a big hat and sunglasses while in starbucks but one main reason is due to my dear friend Nicole. she's the author/illustrator of "it's only a matter of time" -a work that we kind of collaborated on together. Nicole is an ACTIVE, hearty supporter of the starbucks union and every time i venture inside of one of them for a strong burnt tastin' brew i can't help but feel like a scab. however, it was a convenient and a reasonable environment for a conversation. so there i was.

Shelly and i clicked. our conversation flowed for more than two hours and during that time we discovered that we had a lot in common and shared many views. while sharing our personal experience with breast cancer we discovered that we had both refused the traditional tattoo process prior to our radiation treatments. truly a bonding moment. this is not a popular act within the treatment world but it can be accomplished with persistence. and we both did this for the same reason: to preserve some sense of control over what was happening to our bodies- to claim ownership of them to any degree possible, whenever possible.

so there we are havin' a time when i begin to hear what sounded like a base drum and a rise in activity outside of the starbucks doors. i looked outside of the very large window that we were pratically sitting in front of and didn't think much of the crowd that had gathered just beyond the glass. i concluded that it was a group of tourist that had gathered to prepare to enter the establishment for a coffee break. but, boy was i wrong. Shelly and i had just returned to our conversation after a brief distraction to figure out what was going on when the shouting began. i turned again to witness the evolution of the uprise when i realize the reality of the forces on the sidewalk. the gatherers, now holding signs of revolt and chanting inaudibly had began marching in a circle. as i began laughing at the irony of the situation i knew 'it was only a matter of time' that i would see her pass the window while spinning in protest. one mississippi, two mississippi, THERE SHE IS! Nicole! in all her heigth and glory protesting in front of the one in a million goddamn starbucks in new york city!!! still laughing i shifted so my back was to the window while explaining to Shelly the delicious serendipitous timing and location of our meeting. she asked if i wanted to leave- "ummm, not particularly at this moment" i thought to myself since the ring of activist were blocking the exit. i told her i'd wait it out and hope that they were gone by the time we wrapped up our conversation. in hindsight i wish i'd gone to the large window and guided Nicole's attention to it by my waving joyfully and as if to invite her in to join us... she would have really enjoyed Shelly's company as well.

Shelly was a wealth of information and insight. she turned me on to several good books- one of which i'm now reading and is currently on the top of my recommended MUST READ list- if i had one. perhaps i'll add a book list to the right-side stuff. The book Breast Cancer: Society Shapes an Epidemic, by Anne S. Kasper should be mandatory reading for ALL women and young girls- with AND without breast cancer. personally, i think if you have a daughter it is a parental obligation to read this book. It's a real dose of reality and empowerment aimed at creating an acute awareness of a slimy, seductive, transparent system that ultimately guides the evolution of a breast cancer diagnosis, it's treatment and social aftermath. nothing but facts lie within the pages. no judgments. just facts. that's the beauty of it. here's a sample of what you'll find:

"... Next, the social construction of women's health is examined. This examination focuses particularly on the roles of the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons (ASPRS), the AMA, and the companies that manufacture breast implants in reinforcing the ideology that women's breasts are diseased. In addition, this chapter demonstrates how each of these institutions profits from the medicalization of women's breast and the continued practice of breast augmentation and reconstruction. Thus, this chapter primarily concentrates on these members of the medical establishment. Finally, suggestions for social change are presented, which include ideological, structural, and individual level solutions." (page 54)

"As (Ann) Kasper suggests, women are receiving powerful messages about their breasts. It should not be surprising then, that, for many women their self-esteem and self-worth are largely determined by their breast size and shape. How do we begin to address this problem that is so ingrained in our patriarchal society?
To begin, women's social status needs to be separated from the cultural valuation and objectification of their bodies. Specifically, media representations of women and women's bodies should be changed so that these images reflect the great diversity of body shapes and sizes that exist, including images of women who have had mastectomies." (page 83)

i really don't give a rat's arse what a person's body looks like. but it's too late. i guess at this point in order to establish even an illusion of social equality we, now, have to exploit and parade ALL women "to be separated from the cultural valuation and objectification of their bodies".

i believe Shelly's book is due out this winter. i'll keep you posted. in the meantime, stop hem-halling about whether or not you should throw out your daughter's lameass barbie doll. if you don't think this plastic stick contributes to the earliest misguided destructive illusions of the female body stop kidding yourself. step up to your responsibility to raise a strong, socially conscious, secure, confident human being. heck, the hard rail-thin thing isn't even cuddly-able and all of her clothes come from frederick's of hollywood. what does THAT accomplish anyway? i seriously can't think of one good thing about barbie. giving that thing the ol' heev-ho would be the first step in "individual level solutions"... and reading the above mentioned book, of course.

find other good reads here.

"sick"

2007-06-30T09:20:00.001-04:00

"Mr. Foster, are you really sick?"

D*VE.

2007-06-12T14:30:00.001-04:00

this is just a minor interruption from what i was going to post but this ad is really getting my "goat" (and what does THAT even mean?). and more deeply frustrating is that women are buying into it! it has to do with those annoying D*ve ads - you know, the soap people. don't get me wrong i love D*ve's original bar soap. BUT only because it reminds me of my cool grandmother, Delma who loyally kept a bar of D*ve in her bathroom soap dish (a lovely ceramic mermaid that she cast and painted herself- the soap dish that is). i acutely remember the smell of the soap from every time we washed up after playing with cold grey clay in her basement studio. i also remember her washing my poison ivy infested arms with this soap lathered on a soft cotton washcloth. i'm still not sure this was such a great remedy that was followed with dabbing pink chalky calamine lotion soaked cotton balls over the oozing freshly washed blisters. but she was gentle about it.

anyway back to these ads... what the f*ck?! i don't need some mediocre soap company telling me how cool and beautiful old age is. hell, i have absolutely no desire to be any age other that what i am- 43!!! and i'm looking forward to however many years are ahead of me. and with all of my age spots, moles, wrinkles, a head of grey hair, and "old age" ailments i'm proud of it ALL. and the funny thing is if women FEEL "old" just because they have these qualities it's ONLY because commercials and other forms of product advertisements and media have brainwashed them into THINKING they are old, washed-up, aesthetically worthless, unattractive flesh that needs to make every effort to look 20-30 years old again- just like D*ve has done in the past with all of their teeny bopper looking models. if any one is impressed with these commercials it is clearly an example that folks just don't have a handle on how brainwashed and manipulated they've become. do we need to see ANY women including mature, naked women on television and in magazines in order to ACCEPT, RESPECT and ADMIRE them? it's clearly a transparent system and the trickery, i hope like hell, becomes apparent very soon. it's so insulting. i can't wait for a red carpet celebrity or product endorsement to give me permission to feel beautiful and worthy while wearing little or no make-up, walking around with naturally grey locks, comfortable shoes and flaunting my single breastedness. until then i'll go wait in a goddamn cave and rot for a few thousand goddamn more years feeling like a socially unacceptable outcast loser. HA!

to HELL with hair dye, face potions and needing to get naked to be accepted as a productive, thriving, equal participant in this goddamn shallow society.

VOTE!

2007-06-11T11:40:00.000-04:00

i've been working on several garments for RHEA BELLE and REBEL COO as well as a few "writings" to post here so i've been a wee bit busy and productively distracted. But in the meantime, before i unveil all of that, i want to encourage you to get over to SK*RT and vote for Rebel1in8 by clicking "love it". the amazing force known as pussyg/the cat lady has posted a shining introduction to Rebel1in8.

my campaign for your vote isn't about capital gain but a strong desire to spread the power of information, integrity and social observation. i think if i had to sum up the backbone for Rebel1in8 those three things would definitely be in there.

the following quote is from a powerful comment left on my RHEA BELLE clothing set by Soft Serve Girl:

"I am moved beyond belief. As a cancer survivor myself, and a woman who has had reconstruction, the thought of NOT reconstructed never entered my consideration as the doctor's didn't even talk about it as an option! I feel betrayed to an extent that the male surgeon didn't tell me it was OK to go with one breast. Not that I shouldn't have known it for myself, but when you have 10 days between diagnosis and surgery, that's a lot of crap to deal with because all you are thinking about is SURVIVAL. Would I do it differently? I don't know...perhaps my path was to be a spirit whose chest was reconstructed as an example, for we are all examples of survivorship with our without our breasts. Either way we all have scars, and those scars speak a multitudes of languages. Bless you and your cool designs!!!"

Rebel Coo...

2007-05-31T22:58:00.001-04:00

i had a joyfully full day today hanging out with my dear friend Isabel and her 10 month old daughter Lucia. we took the subway to an estate in the bronx called Wave Hill. an incredibly beautiful area with rolling hills, voluptuous trees and tamed gardens. we had lunch on a terrace overlooking the hudson and then ventured within the gardens to romp in the grass with Lucia. we were there for hours talking, watching, singing silly songs and making kazoo sounds through stretched grass between my thumbs.

i purchased a set of five onesies for Lucia with the intention of making comfortable little dresses with my fabric scraps from the Rhea Belle clothing. i succeeded and was giddy to give them to her knowing that Isabel would be thrilled. and she was. Lucia, well, putting on clothes isn't her favorite thing. taking her clothes off is pretty easy- it's getting them back on. these are the first three. i have to make an adjustment to the one with the full skirt- it's too tight at the waste to go over her shoulders/arms comfortably. i'm going to open the side and either install a zipper or a fun button.

Isabel came up with the name "Rebel Coo" as we discussed the possibilities of selling the dresses. they are so easy and the concept to offer them through Rebel1in8 flowed from a river of conversations surrounding the ideals and social constructs that both bind and guide young women. i love Lucia. she's an amazing human being already- she's kind, sharing, thoughtful, social and for 10 months old she has a fantastic sense of humor. she gives me a hardy laugh when i make the ugliest faces at her. i mentioned to Isabel that i was very conscious of the number of times i wanted to say "you're so adorable" or "you're so beautiful" when i looked at Lucia. i don't want to be one of those people that defines and praises a young girl for her looks- although i'm referring more to her disposition. i'm convinced that self confidence, integrity and body image starts at a very young age. at 10 months? probably not. but who really knows? at any rate, i do like the idea of making very comfy dresses made only from scraps to crawl and run around in. and when these little dresses economically support Rhea Belle clothing i'll like em' even more! so keep an eye out in my etsy store for Rebel Coo... and select Rhea Belle garments , too.

the color of sun dress.

2007-05-29T01:49:00.000-04:00

pure asymmetry embraced by yellow. my all time favorite color. three light cotton comfy low v-neck t-shirts evolved into this dress. one and a half shirts created the top. a third shirt created the bottom portion of the dress while the other half of the second shirt gave birth to two triangles for flare. this dress is great over jeans, leggings, long shorts or even a nice light-airy skirt. it is super comfortable, cool and saucy.

This incredibly comfortable t-shirt embraces asymmetry with the re-invention of the v-neck and cries of rebellion. When I wear the one that I made for myself I feel as if I'm walking down the street with a body covered in beautiful tattoos and piercings- empowered by my decision to go against the grain, upstream and naturally asymmetrical. It is my sharp intention to carve a wide path into the world that makes it clear that these bodies are out there and are here to thrive in glorious fashion and comfort.

See Rhea Belle.

the leah summer dress.

2007-05-29T01:40:00.000-04:00

named after my grandmother because the beautifully light and cool floral fabric reminds me of her. again, this dress was created with three light cotton shirts. i just love the draping of a summer cowl neck. i let this one hang off the shoulder at one side (or the other). the fabric can be pulled off of both shoulders for a more glamorous look or simply cooler-refreshing experience. another great thing about my dresses that are made with stretchy-comfy shirts is that they ca be gathered at the waste or pulled down over the hips for a more fitted look. the airy floral fabric for the front and back panels was a delightful find... and i'm not givin' that source up.

See Rhea Belle.

tulips and eggshells.

2007-05-18T01:20:00.000-04:00

comment to "The Breastless Debate".

If this conservative, oppressive, misguided society in which I live in can get away with shoving it's mainstream-shallow-ideals of how a woman's body should look in my face then I have the right to shove these unmeasured thoughtful words back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve said to myself- “this wasn’t a political decision- a statement maker”. The decision to walk the earth without a fake breast was a simple one based on my own personal ideologies and tolerances. However, I am wiling to admit that I am living in a “sociosexual” bombarded/guided society and that any decision about my body and how I “display” myself in the world is informed by my reactions to the society in which I live. I make every effort to guide my inner dialogue with clarity and honesty and to make sure there are no conflicts within my language. I don’t say things like “I wanted to look, feel normal” like so many women with implants and prosthesis say. I don’t suggest that I “disposed of my vanity after my mastectomy” like I’ve read from a woman under-going breast reconstruction. There is nothing normal feeling/looking or vanity-free about breast reconstruction or prostheses. Socially- yes these bodies look normal because clothing aids as a buffer. Naked and alone with the truth exposed, the trickery fails. If we can’t all agree on that then someone is kidding themselves. There is a massive refusal to admit the raw truth behind what supports our decisions as we design our bodies and socially conscious selves after a single or bi-lateral mastectomy. If there is indeed some degree of a sociosexual statement to be perceived from the simple act of refusing anything fake in/on my body then so be it. But no one should misguide themselves and believe, not even a mere comforting second, that the decision to have an implant or two or to wear a prosthesis is not PURELY a socially and/or sexually driven act.

We must all thoughtfully, truthfully clarify our language and acknowledge the very real pressures that surround the manipulation of our bodies- physically and socially. Until women can look in the mirror and empower themselves with their own deep truths, without prejudice and judgment, the continued deception of who or what guides our decisions will be the fist that pummels us more deeply into the depths of what seems like, bottomless oppression.

I'm sick of the implication that moving forward without reconstruction or a prosthesis is the inferior solution. The medical arena as well as the government makes sure we have complete access to and financial support for reconstructive surgery. Amoena provides a "better quality of life" and Nearly You makes sure that we can get the perfect $300+ prosthesis and all the swim wear and bras our little hearts desire. But try to find one- JUST ONE single cup bra (besides the one I made!) or garment that embraces the body with one or no breast. Mainstream America's obsession to look normal and/or deny our own mortality by acts of deception forces women who don't buy into these illusions to find resolve in granny shawls, over-sized t-shirts, dart-less garments, speedos and/or diving gear. I had a breast removed. NOT my damn sense of style!

It could not be more blatant that society wants to deny that these single or no-breasted bodies exist in hopes that eventually we will join the masses- "faking it" while in the peaceful, quiet folds of a pretty, soft, cozy big fat pink ribbon.

"Prosthesis offers that empty comfort of 'Nobody will know the difference'. But it is that very difference which I wish to affirm, because I have lived it, and survived it, and wish to share that strength with other women. If we are to translate the silence surrounding breast cancer into language and action against this scourge, then the first step is that women with mastectomies become visible to each other. For silence and invisibility go hand in hand with powerlessness."
Audre Lorde, "The Cancer Journals", 1980
(Chapter III, "Breast Cancer: Power vs. Prosthesis")

and mere observations here.

wrapped, comfy asymmetry.

2007-05-17T12:10:00.000-04:00

this t of wrapped brownness started out as two cotton shirts. the short sleeved top had a double layer front that i was able to crop and then cut out a section on the right side to unveil a landscape of ruching. the bottom ruffled edges from the t-shirt were sewn to the new opening to add cohesive, finished edges. the dark brown came from a long sleeved tunic- i'll be working on a garment to utilize the top portion so stay tuned. the ties were made by cutting strips of left over fabric and tying the strips together. the garment can be tied as loosely as desired in the front or back. this is one comfy top!!!

See Rhea Belle.

life. and its price tags.

2007-05-14T19:06:00.000-04:00

a dose of reality... $3,000 and up.
sticker shock
choosing a shorter life
love
and
the total

boycott johnson & johnson!!!

2007-05-14T11:13:00.000-04:00

"The New York Times reported Wednesday on its Web site that the makers of Aranesp and another anemia drug whose safety has been questioned recently have been PAYING doctors to prescribe their drugs." ... read more about it from JEANNE, a woman who was prescribed the anemia drug, Aranesp ($5,000 per dose). this drug is among those that when prescribed doctors receive a REBATE- "an incentive to prescribe the anemia drugs known as EPO at levels that might increase risks of heart attacks or strokes".

i've searched my bathroom and under-the-sink products seeking stuff made by johnson & johnson. while i did find a few, i took a mental note of them so i won't purchase them again in the future. replacing them with other brands will be so freaking easy. boycotting is the most simple form of positive, successful activism and has the potential to spread like wild fire.

so off you go! check out that medicine cabinet and help put an end to "kick-back" prescription practices.

happy mother's day.

2007-05-13T12:21:00.000-04:00

a tribute to moms, mommies, mamas and mothers. one and all.

in honor of the sweetness. the pure essence of mother/child companionship that rises from the most simple acts and moments in a day. in real time, or in memory. happy mother's...

my mom, henrietta

laurie

jeanne

and

dina
.
.
.
just to name a few.

one person. on a misson.

2007-05-12T23:12:00.000-04:00

"what we do for ourselves dies with us. what we do for others and the world remains and is immortal." words by Albert Pike

i just purchased dina's book, Take off Your Party Dress.

i read her blog almost daily and have been meaning to purchase this book- the one that i have read/heard nothing but raving, great reviews about. dina is one of those dedicated, informative bloggers that weaves her daily mother/author/activist life in and out of the details that evolve from a cancer diagnosis and it's politics. from post-surgery clothing to treatments to healthcare issues.

dina exemplifies the concept that every one person can create change and make a difference. her, now contagious, grassroots efforts to raise funds for a much needed cancer treatment facility is honorable, to say the least. proceeds from her book ...fund the expansion of a cancer research team at Mount Vernon Cancer Centre, including highly-skilled doctors, research fellows, nurses, data managers and technicians, and to build a dedicated research unit where patients can be treated and monitored. please read more about the "CTRT appeal" here.

thank you, dina, for all that you do.

gathered blossom.

2007-05-11T08:56:00.000-04:00

"The French designer Madeleine Vionnet opened her own fashion house in 1912. She devised methods of bias cross cutting during the 1920s using a miniature model. She made popular the halter neck and the cowl neck."

hundreds of cowl necks can be easily discovered in all forms; dress, sleeveless, sweaters, knits and silks. the possibilitis are endless. if you can imagine or want it- it's out there. this timeless fashion element, along with pleats and ruffles, is also popular among breast cancer support resources as a basic and most popularly suggested post-mastectomy layering tool. "...Cardigans and blazers do so by creating an additional layer, but you can also achieve a similar effect with a patterned blouse, scarves and accessories, or a shirt with a draped or cowl neck... These styles can add balance and draw attention away from the chest area."

the above gathered blossom was created by cutting off the bottom two/thirds of a "boat neck" cotton tunic. the bottom piece was then sewn to the neck. the draped fabric can be embraced and pulled down over the chest area or worn closer to the neck to unveil the form-fitting ruching that compliments the chest area. a slightly transparent brown weave was used at the bottom to give an illusion of lightness- as not to pull or burden the crimson bloom above it.

See Rhea Belle.

rebel one in eight

i'm back.

coming out of the woodwork.

love and death.

between friends. and delicious honesty.

freaks. friends. and rebels.

Introducing Jen and Karen. a vision. and sensuality.

coming soon...

it's 2009.

the new lieu.

we'll start with words.

coming out of the woodwork.

turn.

reflections.

feed. back.

dark ages.

on being ageless.

tis the season (october).

if you live in new york city...

what matters.

Truth be told.

a new place to gather...

Rhea Belle apparel... the beat goes on.

a wordless narrative #2.

unleashed.

The SONGBIRD BRANCH

a truly historical moment.

dreams are contagious. an outbreak...

the view from here.

oh, this is BIG!

and sew it goes.

lines. and when life imitates art.

FEEL THE LOVE.

a newly discovered voice.

a pause from anger.

i'm outta here...

angry. anger. and grace.

words. and tolerance.

work clothes and antisymmetry.

offerings, politics and poetics. the conclusion.

offerings, politics and poetics cont'.

offerings, politics and poetics.

a wordless narrative.

found words and fabric inventions.

i heart kindness.

no. 4

and the award goes to... !

the "cleanse". one sunday evening.

tell your story...

the singer sings...

ReBeL lOvE.

evolution of a stitch.

departures. arrivals.

have a fabulous holiday

sing it.

renovations.

wisdom. and fucque.

confession #203. stow-away.

life. and numbers.

what it's not. and the gratitude of my flesh.

for **starburst**.

oh! just go find it!

be a rebel bird. spread seeds.

m.i.y.o.d.s.

ideas.

spreadin' the rebel love.

HAPPY RHEA!

ricochet number two.

more icing!

more about stars.

awareness.

icing on the cake.

a brush with action.

amazon seamstress.

a break. and stitches.

a wooden sky and stars.

beauty in the dark.

the brown shirt.

so. sew. sow.

friends and truths.

for starburst.